To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

I’m so sorry. I see this kind of thing going on and it sickens me. It really does say more about them than you - though I know that’s limited comfort. But just wanted to say there are those of us out there who loooooaaathe these people.

I once had a senior person at work joking to me about a larger colleague ( the office chair she would need) and I didn’t respond so he hammed it up ( in case I hadn’t grasped the “she’s so fat” humour🙄). I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and said “ I get what you are angling at but I don’t think it’s funny. It’s just unkind.” He looked so shamed . Felt great 👍 😊

I spent many years at a size 24. Total strangers went out of their way to mock, deride and be nasty to me. A few examples:

Guys shouting out of their car windows as they went past, things such as ‘fucking elephant’, ‘hippo’ etc

At a sporting event, as I walked to the stadium, jeers of “here’s our BIGGEST supporter” from a group

A man walking up to me, grabbing me and putting his hands on my hips, then standing back and holding his hands my hip-width apart (though probably exaggerating this in reality) and saying to his friends “go on, guess, how wide is she?”

Making “beep beep, wide load” comments as I went past

That’d just a small selection of the abuse I suffered. Based entirely on how I looked.

Sadly true but in the workplace it should be more about competence. X

Looking like a model business woman helps I'm sure but it's more about confidence, knowledge and being able to show worth in a job.

I've experienced the biggest athletic boasters who have been ridiculed at being incompetent and larger older women who have commanded respect the moment they walk in.

All about earnt respect from doing a good job, not aesthetics. Xx

Probably

I think there may be a bit of truth in feeling more confident when you're slimmer.I know when I've gone up to nearly 12 stone I've stopped myself going to a place I've gone to for years as I felt so bad about myself, frumpy and unattractive. I'm now 10 stone 2 and I do feel a lot better about myself.

I’ve been a 12 and a 22 and everything in between, and I won’t be gaslit into agreeing that it’s all in my head. You’re wrong.

@Upsidedownagain
"And it is associated with lower intelligence in the sense that generally speaking the better off, more capable people, tend not to be as overweight."

People who have been lucky enough to get a decent education, tend to earn more.

People who earn more are more likely to find it easier to buy decent food. Also easier to feel more in control of their life and environment, often have higher self esteem AND are therefore more motivated to put time and effort into a healthier lifestyle (including nutrition).

I’m a big woman, not just in the fat sense but I am very tall and heavy, but fairly fit and active. I’ve just been on a weekend away for a friends birthday involving clubbing etc, and I was completely ignored by the sleazy men whilst all the slim girls were harassed. Obviously fine by me, I have a gorgeous husband at home, but it was very very noticeable. Nothing to do with confidence either, I’ve never had an issue with that and spent the whole weekend on the dance floor living my best life. 🤣

You have just reminded me of a study I read about how men and women react toward people they don't find attractive. The researchers found that women tend toward apathy or derogation but men experience anger and feelings of aggression toward people they find unattractive.

So I agree that people may carry themselves with more confidence when they're thinner, which could contribute to strangers treating them better. However, if society deems that fat = ugly, and (a lot of) men instinctively feel aggression toward people they find ugly, that goes a lot deeper than heavier people simply lacking in confidence.

https://www.employment-studies.co.uk/news/weigh-more-and-get-paid-less-why-obesity-wage-penalty-women-matters#:~:text=First%2C%20and%20expanding%20on%20the,such%20gap%20exists%20for%20men.
Although I think confidence levels play a part I also think there is a huge amount of prejudice about overweight people. This study in this link seems to demonstrate this is certainly the case in the work place for women.
Take the poster earlier who said something like “I don’t judge people…but competent people tend to be slim” 🤦‍♀️🤣

I get treated pretty neutrally, definitely no flirty looks from men etc. but some looks of pity/ distaste from some women. I'm pretty skinny. When I was more normal weight I think I seemed more approachable, people smiled more when they saw me etc. when I was bigger I had some nasty remarks about my size, but more 'attention' from older, unattractive looking men.

I think this is true. Much of the vileness in the world really comes from insecurity at some level.

I think there's a bit of truth in what you say but I believe people really do react differently to fat people. A lot of people will react favourably to slim people.

Yup. And the second is a significant contributing reason for the first. Most people don't want to be fat themselves because if the negative connotations. So when some find themselves fatter than they want to be, they look for someone who is even fatter to punch down on. Note the comment PP recieved in the supermarket 'I'm not THAT big'. Right. So, you are big (ger than you want to be), just not as big as another woman, and you want to tell your partner and yourself that.

The general population hate fat people (even though most of the population is fat?).

I have always been very large/morbidly obese as an adult. Currently a size 22 but I am 3 stone lighter than I was a year ago (and steadily working on losing more). I have had awful comments and interactions with people being angry that I am fat and ugly and daring to be out in the world. If I carry on losing weight then I will find it interesting to see if how I am treated changes.

I did a CBT course last year and that helped me get my thoughts in order and helped with anxiety (a slight improvement at least). I realized that the majority of people are ok and are concentrating on their lives and it is just a minority of arseholes who feel they need to comment on how big someone is or their appearance.

Yes I've noticed a difference, I have gone from a size 16 to a 10 , almost 8.
I took my car to a garage and was almost made to feel like I was stupid over a light that came on my dashboard when I was a 16 , kind of sniggered at and frowned at like I was wasting thier time.
Totally forgot about it.
Two years later had to pop into the same garage as tyre was flat , same staff, treated me like a completely different person, they didnt recognise me, the men were running around , calling me love ( annoying) come sit in our office have a cup of tea while it's being sorted.... after I left I realised omg is it because I look completely different now? And I'm pretty sure it was

In my younger days when I was slim , other women saw me as some kind of threat , in one workplace a woman constantly watched what I ate and even wrote in down . In another workplace on bitch made my life hell from day one . Someone told me it was because I was slim and she could not lose weight no matter how hard she tried . I didn't say or do anything to upset her this started right from the get go.

As I've gained weight as I aged men ignore me which I actually prefer and women are nice to me

The question is "do you get treated better if you are slim good looking"

In most cases, many women and some men do get "treated better" and by the other sex for reasons only they behold.

As to being "slim" or not, I've always been slim as has my OH, but at times we can just judge by their face, what the say, their body language that they dont want us there as we are not from the uk. If we not that, they never get our business again and it note it very early on, we walk out

I have lost a lot of weight (110lbs/50kg) after being fat since I was a pre-teen. I'm about to turn 34 and for my whole adult life I have been a size 18, with brief periods as a 14 and as a 22. I am now an 8/10 and it’s my first experience of being slim.

For context, I am autistic and I miss a lot of social cues/reactions from other people. I therefore didn’t often notice the more insidious poor treatment when I was heavier. However, I have definitely noticed a shift in attitudes now that I’m smaller. Men have done double-takes when I’ve been standing in the queue at the shop, people seem more inclined to smile or make cheery comments in passing, and people just seem generally more happy to help. When I was bigger, I sometimes got the sense that I was causing irritation just by existing, e.g. asking for help in a shop, or taking a seat beside someone on a busy train.

It’s definitely not a confidence or presentation thing with me, either. If anything, I make less effort now! I usually go out in leggings and a hoody with no make up on. My confidence and attitude have always been the same; to be honest, I didn’t actually realise how big I previously was so thought I looked better than I did, like some sort of reverse body dysmorphia

I have been a size 12 and a size 24 and it's men on the whole that I noticed treated me differently. Women seemed to just be thankful they weren't as fat as me and men often treated me with contempt or indifference when I'm fatter.

A lot more people are overweight these days than when I was younger, so to an extent we have adapted our thinking. I wouldn't necessarily notice someone was heavier unless I thought about it consciously. For example, I recall considering people I work with and realised around 50% are probably overweight, which surprised me. I do notice more at exercise classes though, as generally the majority there are not overweight, depending on the class..

Yes I think we do judge the morbidly obese. It's not healthy to be like that and I imagine it's not something they want for themselves either, so it's kind of instinctive. And it is associated with lower intelligence in the sense that generally speaking the better off, more capable people, tend not to be as overweight. That is not to say I judge people I actually know on their weight, but in public one only has their appearance to go on and we spend less than a nano second thinking about most of them, so I can see how heavier people could be treated less well in the moment.

I think if someone is less confident, that will also make a difference, in addition to being treated differently apart from that.

But I don't think that a few clothing sizes will necessarily make a differernce to how people treat someone.

It's funny, I'm not sure if there is a universal point at which a person moves from being curvy to fat in other people's minds, even two people the same size may be perceived differently by one person. I think things like how fit they are (seperate to weight) or how well put together they are can mitigate size to an extent. I think maybe it goes towards showing them to be more in control of themselves, and I think that a lot of the negativity to overweight people is about seeing them as having less self-control.

Ironically I'm invisible when larger. I'm pretty self confident at any size and certainly no one is going to know if I'm confident or not just on casual encounters at the store for example. But while I literally get bumped in to when larger 'oh sorry didn't see you' to people smiling and moving aside when I'm slim. At a cafe once with two much slimmer women and the waiter literally did not look at me. He took their order and I practically had to call after him with mine. When he came back they got 'here you go' with a smile 'and here's your latte' other smile and I had mine unceremoniously plonked down with no comment or smile. I'm sure it was totally subconscious. But yea big difference.
I also was included in a more social occasions once slimmer - I looked more like them.