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Original poster

Washing up - is DH filthy or am I overreacting?

496 replies

Washingupfury · 20/04/2024 12:32

I have name changed for this. Dh and I have a disagreement about washing up water. He feels that you fill the sink, start with cleanest stuff eg glasses work your way through to the dirty stuff and no need to change the water unless the bubbles disappear, even if the water looks dirty.

I fill the sink, wash, rinse under running water, and if the water gets cloudy I change it.

I just caught him washing a cereal bowl in this:

I think it's disgusting. He thinks it is fine 'as it was the last thing to be washed'. We have agreed to abide by the MN poll for future washing up.

So, YABU DH is sensible and timesaving, of course the last few things will be washed in cloudy water.

YANBU DH is filthy and clean water and rinsing are the way to go.

Washing up - is DH filthy or am I overreacting?
OP posts:
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Icannoteven · 20/04/2024 18:34

This is how my mother was taught to wash up at school, so at some point it it has definitely been taught as the correct way.

I tend to use a dishwasher or use running water though

fromaytobe · 20/04/2024 18:27

Librarybooker · 20/04/2024 13:11

Where’s the washing up bowl?

^ This.

Use a washing-up bowl and you can tip loose crumbs, the dregs from mugs, cereal milk and whatever else down between the bowl and the sink before washing them up in the bowl. No wonder the water gets manky if you wash up like that.

Does nobody get taught how to do household tasks properly any more?

BIossomtoes · 20/04/2024 18:21

Howtonamechange · 20/04/2024 18:11

Both of you are disgusting tbh.
Filling the sink with water and washing the dishes in that water is gross.
You can't clean something with dirty water

Yet that’s how dishwashers work …

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 20/04/2024 18:21

Ugh, what are people like?

Even when camping I maintain clean water and rinse.

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:21

crumblingschools · 20/04/2024 18:16

If people are concerned about fairy liquid etc being carcinogenic do you worry about it going into our water system?

Water treatment plant? We are not allowed to wash cars etc at home on our driveways for example. But if you don’t use fairy liquid and hot water your pipes will not survive for very long.

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:18

crumblingschools · 20/04/2024 18:12

But surely it will be too late then @notmybear when you observe the washing up as you will have eaten off the plates!

Have to say if I was at someone’s house and they go through the palaver some of you do whilst washing I would be horrified by how much water you are wasting.

What will you do if water becomes not so plentiful in this country, which it could do,, so much more expensive?

Well if they are family or close friends I would have been there quite a few times already and know before I ate. I have a dishwasher myself.

I did write about lack of water in the future further up. But for now it’s still grim not to rinse the soap off the dishes. It really is. Where I live we can drink water straight out of the river actually, it’s that clean. Sadly it’s likely it won’t last forever.

crumblingschools · 20/04/2024 18:16

If people are concerned about fairy liquid etc being carcinogenic do you worry about it going into our water system?

HappyEater · 20/04/2024 18:15

Womblingmerrily · 20/04/2024 12:40

I don't like your language about him

' I caught him..' - he is doing nothing wrong. Stop being so bloody controlling about how things are done or do it all yourself.

'I think it's disgusting' - so that's what you think - that's your opinion. There are still bubbles in the sink and it mostly looks like a bit of milk from the cereal bowl has made the water cloudy.

Either do it all yourself or unclench and let people do household tasks the way they want to.

Have your own separate cereal crockery if you must that only you wash up in your own way.

‘Caught him‘ stood out to me too. This is how my awful, controlling ex used to talk to me until I finally left.

ObliviousCoalmine · 20/04/2024 18:14

Use the dishwasher. Christ on a bike.

Everything goes in the dishwasher here, it survives.

Doing dishes by hand is a horrendous waste of water. You are both unreasonable.

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:12

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:09

Not even your family/relatives/close friends?

Show quote history

Where I live people have their kitchen or dinner tables in the kitchens. Maybe this is why I’ve seen it more often.

crumblingschools · 20/04/2024 18:12

But surely it will be too late then @notmybear when you observe the washing up as you will have eaten off the plates!

Have to say if I was at someone’s house and they go through the palaver some of you do whilst washing I would be horrified by how much water you are wasting.

What will you do if water becomes not so plentiful in this country, which it could do,, so much more expensive?

Dumbledoresniece · 20/04/2024 18:12

I just wash without a full tub/sink.

However, if it’s a serious washing up session, I’d do a very quick pre-wish of the dirtier items, possibly just some water and the sponge (getting rid of oil, food on the item). Then soapy water in the clean tub/sink and wash all items. Then rinse each item under a running tap (can run tap at reduced speed to reduce water wastage).

Alittlefrustrated · 20/04/2024 18:12

I'm half and half - wash in the dish, without changing water, unless bubbles go, but rinse all items, to get rid of detergent, which is carcinogenic.

Howtonamechange · 20/04/2024 18:11

Both of you are disgusting tbh.
Filling the sink with water and washing the dishes in that water is gross.
You can't clean something with dirty water

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:09

Youdontevengohere · 20/04/2024 18:08

I can’t say I have really!

Show quote history

Not even your family/relatives/close friends?

Youdontevengohere · 20/04/2024 18:08

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:08

Not a topic but surely you’ve been at people’s houses chatting while they do the washing up. But yes, most people have dishwashers.

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I can’t say I have really!

QuestionableMouse · 20/04/2024 18:08

I do mine under running water but I'm usually only washing a few bits and I'm often done before the water gets properly hot!

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:08

Youdontevengohere · 20/04/2024 18:05

I literally have no idea how any of my friends and family wash their dishes, is it a normal topic of conversation?
(I suspect most use a dishwasher).

Show quote history

Not a topic but surely you’ve been at people’s houses chatting while they do the washing up. But yes, most people have dishwashers.

frecklejuice · 20/04/2024 18:06

We have a dishwasher but when it was broken I washed everything under a running tap because the thought of washing dishes in dirty water makes me feel sick!

Youdontevengohere · 20/04/2024 18:05

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:04

Well I do eat at other people’s houses but wrongly assumed most people rinsed their dishes.😂 Tbf I’ve not heard of anyone not doing this where I live..different cultures perhaps.

Show quote history

I literally have no idea how any of my friends and family wash their dishes, is it a normal topic of conversation?
(I suspect most use a dishwasher).

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:05

OP had you written that he doesn’t rinse the voting might have been very different.

Georgyporky · 20/04/2024 18:04

Everything should be rinsed surely ?

Which means using a bowl in the sink so the running water goes down the plughole.

notmybear · 20/04/2024 18:04

crumblingschools · 20/04/2024 18:01

How do some people cope in the real world with germs all around us? Do you ever eat out or at other people’s houses?

Well I do eat at other people’s houses but wrongly assumed most people rinsed their dishes.😂 Tbf I’ve not heard of anyone not doing this where I live..different cultures perhaps.

YeahComeOnThen · 20/04/2024 18:03

Washingupfury · 20/04/2024 14:09

To be fair this is how my family washed up when I was growing up. But I thought that was the kind of thing that went by the wayside over the last 20 years or so as the UK has become more international. I lived overseas for a while and had non-British housemates before getting together with DH, so that probs influenced my thinking too. I will continue to wash in my way with my dreadful water waste (of rinsing things quickly at the end of the wash and changing the water when it gets cloudy!). And DH will continue with his ways and I will bite my tongue.

@Washingupfury I think maybe quite a few posters assumed that he rinses. He is very very very wrong for not rinsing!!

& the manky water! GRIM

He does get bonus points for washing in the correct order though & not putting knives & good/favourite glass in the dishwasher

crumblingschools · 20/04/2024 18:01

How do some people cope in the real world with germs all around us? Do you ever eat out or at other people’s houses?