Mother in Law did not use car seats for my children.

My sons biological father once looked after him as a baby after we broke up. He did not clip him in the car seat at 5 months old. He also did not put seat belt around car seat and clip that in. When I went to lift my baby out his car as he got to mine I noticed and went mental. His answer was it's 5 minutes away and he knows how to drive. I explained that had he been hit by another car the car seat could have hit the window and thrown our son out the car.

Tell your mil lots of info online about the risks of not using car seats. I would be telling her she's lucky I haven't informed the police.

She didn't dictate! Why was it up to the OP to ensure MIL had car seats? MIL is a fit and active woman in her early 60s, perfectly capable of walking a short distance with two children. OP explained that as MIL didn't have car seats MIL would need to walk home with the children if she could do this pick up and MIL said yes, then chose to put the children in her car with no car seats, and didn't tell the OP what she'd done. She knew she was going against the agreement. The OP is in no way at fault here. It was open to MIL to say 'No, if you don't want me to use the car I can't do it' and she didn't.

There are no "both sides" of this. It's 2024.

If you don't know the rules of the road, maybe you should give your licence back.

Car seat safety is taken far more seriously in Sweden. There is the Swedish Plus Test which by far exceeds our car seat safety standards. I'm less than a decade younger than this woman and my (now teen) children were put in Swedish Plus car seats less than ten years ago. She cannot possibly claim ignorance.

She sounds like a total bitch with her responses.

I would never leave her alone with my young children again!

She could have asked for a loan of the car seats if she felt unable to walk. She let the OP believe she was going to collect the children on foot and walk home with them, then she didn't. If the OP's account is accurate, this is 100% on MIL. The OP would never have asked for this favour if she had known that MIL was going to break the law and put her very young children at risk.

She is totally in the wrong but she won't apologise. I can just tell from the things she has said.

I'd be wanting my husband to be as upset as me and explaining that if it had been my mum and she had responded that way id be saying I want nothing to do with you. Hopefully your husband sees sense and says the same thing.

I am 62, so very close to MIL's age. OK, she's in Sweden and I've always lived in the UK, and the law may have been different there. However, here in the UK as far as I can recall when my children were born in the early 1990s it was either a legal requirement to use car seats or it was so well understood that they made children much safer in cars that everybody I know used them on every trip. I can't believe a woman my own age has not grasped that this is now absolutely standard and even if she hasn't, it's the law! She sounds like someone who just isn't safe to look after little ones, as OP has deduced. Good luck.

If you don’t trust her to look after your children that’s fine you don’t ask her to look after them. To cut off contact to punish her is cruel on both her and the children. It strikes me as you don’t like the woman and you are using this as a reason for a bit of a power play to show her who’s boss.

Don't be so ageist @sleekcat

I'm 65 and know perfectly well that the correct car seats have to be used.

Granny doesn't get to spend time with children unsupervised going forwards. I'm surprised that you couldn't have managed to get the car seats installed into Grandmother's car before your DH was away thereby making this whole situation impossible to happen but if situation didn't allow it then it didn't.

Hope you're doing ok now.

She's only 63 and it's 2024! Some pp are writing as though this woman is 90 and it's 1984. She has no excuse for her batshit behaviour.

Not only is she willfully stupid, she's a total bitch as well.

Yup, that would be it for me. The fact she has no issue in gambling with her own grandchildren's lives is absolutely shocking. If they had been killed in an accident, would that, too, have been "your problem?"

What a cunt.

Strange isn't it how some people in laws or parents are happy to taken risks because they did it and everyone else survived.

I have absolutely no idea who thinks YABU.

Not using car seats is insane.

I'd never let her drive your DC again. Any risk to a child's life is too high. I'm surprised she can't see this.

Personally I would not cut contact, I just wouldn't ask her to collect the children again. She is probably just pigheaded about the fact that things have changed over the years - some older people are like that. Don't ask her for anymore help.

I think this is shocking and especially given you're in Sweden where car seat safety is taken a lot more seriously than in the UK. I'd be furious as although thankfully nothing happened, there could have been a car accident and it's unlikely the children would have been safe given they weren't in car seats and being so young and small they would not be restrained by the seat belt. I don't agree with those saying you're overreacting, you're protecting your children. If this was my MIL I would consider cutting her off. Particularly as she's not accepting she's done anything wrong or apologising.

Difficult to say when we don’t know what else she’s done.

Instead of going for the nuclear option why not pick up a cheap car seat and a high back booster for you. She did you a favour you should have dropped her the seats off

What she did was wrong, but I also think you're hugely over reacting. No harm was done, your kids are fine. She'd not be looking after them again unsupervised, but going NC and destroying the children's relationship with their grandmother is way OTT.

From what I understand of the rules in Sweden (having spent time there), occasional short trips can be made without baby/toddler car seats, for example in a taxi, or in this case being picked up by someone who doesn't usually drive with them. They were in the car for a matter of minutes, boosted with cushions and wearing seatbelts. What she did may not be ideal, walking would have been better, but it's not illegal and they weren't in danger.
It sounds more as you don't like her and this is an excuse to cut her off. She doesn't keep to your rules, but she did raise your husband and you trusted her enough to ask her in the first place. Don't prevent the children having a relationship with their grandmother over this, just don't ask her to collect them again.

We had this from PIL - does he really need to be in a car seat for a short journey? I left DH to ‘have a word’ - but they were left in no doubt as to our feelings.

We had the ‘ it was fine in our day’ - DH explained the death statistics.

If GPs want to have a role in DCs’ lives, car safety is a basic requirement.

I wouldn't go NC but she would never be left unsupervised with them again. You can't trust what she'll do even in home/parks if her regard to their safety is so lacking.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my husband to implement a serious consequence, like telling her she is no longer welcome in our home,

Yes, YABU to consider banning her from your home and going nc for this.

You didn't ensure that she had the car seats, if you wanted her to use them, then you male sure that they are left at the childminders or she has them in her car. You can't dictate that she must only walk when she has your children when she has a car. It was up to you to make sure she had the car seats.

YABU to expect her to do things your way; however YANBU to not entrust her with your children if she won't do things your way.

car safety is the one thing I’m pretty strict on, proper car seats for the correct age/stage. In-laws were never allowed to drive our children as they continually used the wrong size of car seat or no car seat for other grandchildren.

I once told them my niece was far too little to be in a high back booster and was shot down with them saying oh well you all survived without car seats! That is not the point car safety has improved so much and we have laws and guidance for a reason,