To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

I had a school friend whose middle name was Edwina. That was bad enough.

No YANBU, you have to both agree. I wanted to name my dc after my grandfather but DP didn’t do it’s now his middle name. We picked a different first name which is much more modern - so glad we did now.

Tastes vary! I’d be much more likely to choose Harold or Arthur than I would David or Peter!

Bit dramatic. In my culture we name children 'for' someone. All three of mine have family names. Two are dead (the relatives, not the children) and it gives them a sense of belonging to something bigger than them. They love to hear all about who they were named for. This thing of names not being fashionable is a whole other discussion.

Nah. I couldn't go along with this. Your son's story doesn't begin and end with his father and his father's family.

Agree with everyone else that this is a no-go, for all the reasons mentioned above. Life is for the living.

This really. He deserves his own name.

I would suggest that you have them as two middle names and choose a different first name.

are you planning to have more children and would one name be ok for a boy or a girl as a middle name? Could you suggest having them as middle names, saving one for the next child?

No way. The baby will be his own person, not someone else’s wannabe copy of their deceased relative. That means their own identity. Their own name, not someone else’s name.

Yeah, I knew an Edwina. She was thin and shy and already got bullied, but that name was the icing on the cake.

I vaguely knew a girl years ago who was named after her grandmother who had died suddenly shortly before her birth. Her name was Barbara. It’s a perfectly nice name IMHO but to a little girl born in the mid-90s it really stood out. People would almost do a double-take. ‘Your name is Barbara? Really?!!’ Honestly, I felt for her.

For the child’s sake alone, it’s worth thinking about whether this may be an issue.

Is there a kind of variation you could use....ie instead of Leonard, Leo or instead of Ian, Ivan just as random examples.

Definitely this. A child needs his own name. Not the name of two dead relatives.

My DH had a shortlist of names for DS1, none of which I liked. When DS1 arrived, over the first night we both thought separately he just looked like a different name (which happened to be on my mental shortlist, but honestly I didn't influence DH at all on this). Saying let's wait and see when he arrives and really helped in this case.

It'd obviously be nice to settle on a name that suits you both but I don't think you'd keep on hating a name once it was their name.

I've never met anyone and thought lovely bloke but shame he's called Walter. People's names are just that

What’s the point in that??? Just use the modern first name. Saying this as a DH who when he hit 18 changed his name by deed poll as his parents called him by his middle name from birth and it started to become and issue at the doctors/applying for jobs.

I don't think it's fair on the child or you if he knows you really don't like the names.
Your child is an individual and needs his own name and not a name that he has to live up to. Both as middle names is the compromise.
Your DH is being hugely unreasonable.

A lot of children get a name that runs in the family - if not "Ronald Junior" then at least the name of a grandparent. I don't find the argument that a child needs their own special, previously unused name that convincing.

But yeah, if you don't want a Ronald Brian McDonald then you are well within your rights not to have one. I was the main name-chooser with my exh, and I still feel a bit guilty that my children both have names I chose, even though I would have gone along with my ex's suggestions if he had made any! Your dh doesn't get to name your children alone, and especially not by making it all about his grief - it's understandable, but not fair.

If you don't like the names I wouldn't use them at all to be honest. I find the whole naming people after dead people very odd anyway and the only person this is for is your DH because the dead people are dead and don't know.

I'm being very blunt here and I'd probably be a little more tactful when talking with DH, but ultimately if I didn't like names then I wouldn't be giving them to my child.

I think you have to choose completely different names. If they are names you really can't stand then why on earth would you give them even as a middle name?

Maybe there is a modern alternative to the names, something similar sounding?

Don't agree to a name you don't like. I was railroaded into agreeing to a name I didn't really want but at least I don't hate it. You will get used to it, of course, but it seems a shame to have to use a name every day that you don't actually like.

I think with a child's first name, you both have to like the name.

You want to be sensitive to his loss but your feelings are important too.

I would be expecting my partner to understand that my feelings matter too and agree that the names should be middle names not your son's first name.

I’d only pick one middle name if you are likely to have more children, or if another relative would also like to honour a father or brother. Hogging the names and saddling your child with both, especially if they’re not nice names, is excessive.