To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

And she may decide not to, which is her choice.

I personally would.

That’s OK too.

No, I don’t think you did. But Op doesn’t like these names and is in a position to compromise. I don’t think she should just go along with it to please her DH.

I understand it's a sensitive issue but I would insist that they are middle names. I really think a child should have their own identity and therefore their own name that is individual to them. Middle names can certainly be used to remember or honour family members but I feel very uneasy with giving them the same name. I know a family who named a child after a previous child they had sadly lost. All I could think was how that child would feel about it when they were old enough to understand

Family names like this go in the middle name slots
The child also needs his own personal identity. This is the new first name that you pick became you like it.
So he gets 3 names in this situation both grandad and uncle are honererd and you are happy.
The end

I realise that, the point that I’m making is that it’s possible to get over a dislike of a name.

Did you really think that I thought my situation was like the OPs?

Middle names, you mustn't be swayed from this.

Good luck x

I'd have thought middle names was a good compromise, personally!

So the baby's got your husband's surname and now he wants 2 names you don't like for 1st and middle name.

I think yous should gently point out that you are the one risking the life for this baby to be born. Your body is doing the hosting. You are due at least equal input into the name but at the moment you've got none and you don't like the names he wants.

I think names need to skip 2 generations. So we give our children the names of our grandparents, not our parents or siblings names (which will likely be unfashionable). It's just the way name trends cycle round and you don't want to foist a fuddy-duddy name on your son.

I agree. In some cultures it’s disrespectful to elders to give children/grandchildren the elders’ names.

That’s an entirely different situation.

Middle names is the compromise (and appropriate imo).

That's what I did for my DD - we both chose her first name options, then for her middle name I wanted to name her after my grandma, her dad agreed and then he had the choice of which of my grandmas names she had.

So she has:

First name option we liked best for her when we met her

Middle name is my grandma's middle name because her dad preferred it to my grandma's first name (which is very old fashioned and never came "back" like a lot of "old lady" names have).

I bet if you suggested naming the next child after your parents/siblings names that he didn’t like then he wouldn’t be pleased.

You gave birth to this child, you have an equal say in this, OP. The kid will have his family’s middle names and surnames, he’s being selfish.

Stand up for dc now.

I’m going against the grain here, if it was important to DH for these reasons I’d go with it. We didn’t get to choose DCs names as they’re adopted and they both have names that I would never have chosen. Before they moved in with us, I actually felt a bit uncomfortable with them but the second they became part of the family, those names were theirs and they were perfect.

In your opinion. Many people have posted similar thoughts. A child is not a memorial to the dead. ‘You’re just like/nothing like your dead uncle who we named you for’ 🤮 AWFUL.

Burden! Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

I couldn’t give my son a name I didn’t like - and your husband should not ask this of you. Middle names would be a good compromise.

I wouldn’t agree to those names being my child’s name, they can be middle names, but you should be able to choose a first name that you both agree on.
Or you could refuse to have either name.

I do particularly loathe the practise to name children after the father.

I know of a family where both the son and daughter had the father and mothers names respectively.
Imagine the confusion !

Be careful of course, he can register the baby without you.

If you don't love it, then put them as middle names.

@RazzlePuff what fresh hell is this - Michael Augustus despite gender? Mental!

Have you said to him that if the child has his surname and BIL/FIL's names he won't have his own identity? It's a lovely idea to honour FIL and BIL but if every time little one encounters someone from DH's side of the family they comment oh isn't he the spit of BIL and has his name too that won't be nice for him. I agree with everyone else, go with them as middle names - and go on about how much you love the idea of honouring them etc and using their names so DH feels you get it and aren't just being difficult- but emphasise the importance of having your own identity. Also as times change names can have different meanings so you need to try to choose a name that won't hamper the child when they are eg applying to be an investment banker. So whilst X and Y might have been fabulous choices in 1950/70 they are not the right names for now. Good luck, hopefully he will come round.

A friend of mine is called “Tiger” for this exact reason. His mum just called him that from infancy because she hated the “family names” her son was required to have. The Tiger name was very cute for child, and as young man, was very attractive and memorable. He still uses the name as a professional and it’s confident. Not suggesting Tiger, but it worked. (Started before that golf guy)

Went to Uni with a girl called Michael Augustus (Again fathers insistence for some mighty family reason) - every one of 4 children in her family was called Michael Augustus regardless of gender. Their mum gave each of the 3 girls a flower pet name from birth. None use the girls use Michael or Augustus but it’s on passports and places where can’t use nick name.

It's not fair he is dictating all names. His heart is ruling his head. The baby needs it's own identity and a name you like at least!!!

What are the names?

When I was having our first baby MIL thought we wouldn't need to think of a boy's name, the last 4 generations had had the same name in his father's family. There was no way I would have used it, it was in the '70s old fashioned though quite popular now, thanks William and Kate, but I did say we would use the middle name as a middle name, it was the middle name of most of the men in both families!

Is it possible that you would like the name more, if it was associated with your beautiful, beloved baby son, @lovingthespring? In the same way that you can be really put off a name if you know a nasty person called that name, perhaps the opposite could apply - knowing someone you love with that name might make it nicer for you.

But as previous posters have said, you both need to like the name, so regardless of whether what I’ve just said is right or not, your current feelings probably matter a lot more. Using the names as middle names is a good compromise.