To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

You both to agree on this. He doesn't get to overrule you.

Why should you live with a name you don't like? It's your baby!

And your baby is not a memorial for other people. He's his own person and deserves his own name.

I would use the brothers name as a middle name but never a first. I think people should have their own name and not be called after someone else. My partner has the same first name as his dad and I never know who people are talking about. He's even got his dad's mail before and his dad got a call from the doctor about my partner.

Unfortunately, your partner's brother and father will never be replaced and giving you son their name won't help anyone. You wouldn't want your child to believe he is a replacement.

I agree with this. It’s a lot to put on the baby/child/adult growing up. They may have an entirely different personality and find it hard to live with. I also don’t think I would find it easy to call my child a name I identify so much with a deceased loved one - the more loved the harder it would be. It’s quite different to honour as a middle name, you don’t have to say it every time you pick them up.

It’s your son too and you are the one doing all the pushing! Middle names is a fair compromise.

Can him the name, but he can be known by his middle name, which is your choice. I know a couple of people who do this

If it was old fashioned ww2 era I could live with it but not Kevin Gary Steve style names - just no, the wrong era.

I lost my mum when late pregnant and my daughter has first part of her name and second daughter has the second part x

Names don’t belong to anyone and of course his name will be his own no matter what the origin.

Husband wants to give the child these names because his son is so important. I think it’s unfair though to police his thoughts while he’s grieving.

I'd absolutely hate it if a family member used my late brother's name as a first name, it would feel like erasure. I'm not ready for him to be in the past like that.
Middle name would be lovely

I feel for OP's husband as well - he has lost two family members (and losing his brother in particular must have hit hard because he was likely to be of.a similar age - something like that is very brutal),but I agree with the OP that these names would be better as middle names if she doesn't like them.

ANd I would think the same if they were modern names that she doesn't like.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄Do one.

I think it requires an honest conversation where you say, whilst I understand your reasoning and am happy to use those names for that reason, I feel like I would prefer a name unique to our child and chosen together. Explain that by doing what he wants it would feel as though you were excluded from he naming selection of your child. You may also have relatives that have passed away and meant a great deal to you, so why is only his family names considered.

I wouldn’t have it, but I hate the ‘tradition’ of giving babies the names of their dead family. Don’t let your husband burden your baby with that. It’s not like they will appreciate the gesture. Presumably baby will have his surname anyway? Put your foot down and let your baby have his own new identity rather than given the name of dead people.

And is that a scientific result from your official survey of parents who name their kids after the dead? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 I’ve had older relatives tell me I’m just like such n such and I’m not even named after them.

You're the one carrying this baby and putting your life on the line to give birth so the least you should have is a say in what your child is called. Just tell him sorry but no, the names are not to your taste and you're happy to do 2 middle names as a compromise but won't be steamrolled into accepting a name that you don't like when you are the mother of this child.

I understand why he would ask but to persist when you have already told him no makes him an AH.

Oh and regardless of that - it is so UNBELIEVABLY entitled of your H to even consider that he should get to choose your baby’s entire name. Mind blowing. It should be a given that it’s simply not possible for him to choose the first name from his family, as he already has the surname. And where you’re considering a family name from his side for the middle AS WELL as the surname- the only first name option there is one entirely, entirely of your choosing.

maybe tell him that you’re ok with him choosing a first name but that would obviously mean the surname has to be from your side. Watch the entitled male astonishment creep across his face.

bereaved or not, his behaviour on that front is really appalling.

Well, I was acquainted with folk who did just this, same situation, the dad’s brother had sadly passed away in an accident. They named their little boy after him.

It was a huge mistake. They changed the name after a couple of months. The dad actually found it really hard that his brother’s name now wasn’t his, it was the baby’s, and he found himself avoiding using the name. It just upset him. He ended up saying he felt he’d lost another bit of his brother because even his name now didn’t refer to him. His mother also found it hard (personally I think she was really upset by it but hadn’t wanted to ask them not to use it). They kept it as a middle name. The mum, like you, had felt it was such a big thing that she went along with it (although she did like the name) but she too wanted it as the middle name.

disaster all round, it really affected the first few months with the baby.

Do not do it.

Yes. I do think it's too heavy a weight to carry though personally

I could tolerate Ted - Humphrey - just Nope!

Wilf is OK for a Jack Russell.

(Wonderful grand-daughter that I am 😁)

This is somebodys father & brother not some car crash victims who's names they once saw in a paper have a bit of respect for fucks sake

The conversation is far more likely to go 'whos that in the picture" & "that's me with dad & brother you were named after them"
Then your taking the piss version.

Sorry but you might be stuck with it.... how can you really say 'nah I just want to call him Alfie cause it's cute & modern (+ everybody on mumsnet says i can)' when he's lost 2 close male relatives....

But I do feel bad about it & would much prefer everybody to have their own say!

No, they should be middle names not the first name.

I don’t think it’s weird at all. My sister was named for a dead relative and she hated it so much she changed her name as soon as she was 18.

Another vote for middle names. Whoever carries and births the child gets final say so/veto.

”Dad, Mum, why am I named John Edward?”
DAD: “Well, son, we named you after them because I couldn’t get over it after they died and I think about them every time I look at you.”
JOHN EDWARD: “You think about dead guys when you look at me?”
DAD: “(sobbing) yes boy, I do.”