To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

I would hate to have a dead relatives name as a child's first name. Middle is fine, but first seems morbid. Its a permanent reminder of loss every time its said.

Joint middle names with an agreed original first name.

Previously voiced that your little one is not a living memorial to his late father and brother... hopefully your DP will see a little sense and he'll compromise

I'm also assuming your son will also have your husband's last name too! Is that not also a memorial to your late FIL too?

Why doesn't he just have the names chiselled across your son's forehead so that there's no doubt that he's a walking, talking shrine?

Seriously though? No. You'll be resentful and it'll all boil over one day. Your son will be his own person and he should have his own name, not carry the weight of expectation that he'll be an extension of someone who is gone.

We named my son after dh’s dad. I hated that name growing up but i think because it’s my child’s name I have grown to love it and it suits him. I also love that the name has significance to the family.

We adopted a child with the most god awful first name and we weren't allowed to change it. After a year or two he really grew into it, he's got a really sweet nickname from it and I can't imagine him being called anything else. I'm (very slowly) growing to love it!

This absolutely.

We gave our first son DH's grandfather's name, but it is a very popular name and I already liked it. We wouldn't have done it if it was a name one of us didn't like.

Middle names, my MIL died unexpectedly a month before DD was born and she has her name as a middle name but I would not have used it as her first name.

With absolute kindness regarding your DPs loss- apart from providing a tablespoon of semen at the beginning of this pregnancy, your DP has had a cushty ride, while you have done 9 months of creating a brand new human from scratch. There is no way you should have to give your child a name that you actively dislike, and I feel that a compromise is the only way to go. Also children should not be memorialised they are their own personalities from birth.

I know that name popularity goes in cycles but there are some names that I could never imagine coming back in. Any kid is not going to thank you for calling him something like Brian or Kevin.

Also if the DB presumably died quite early, other family members might not love this.

Family friend had this situation, well, they wanted to use his nickname, and the grandma wasn't delighted (she would have been very happy about her son's name being used as a middle name in tribute but it felt like he should still be here not a new Jimmy instead).

DH's family may generally feel differently but not everyone may be thrilled with the idea. I don't know if DB had a partner, children or other siblings. Middle name is more tactful alongside your wishes being very important here

Two middle names is perfectly acceptable and allows your son to have his own identity/ different first name. It also means there's no having to choose which name is more important (for the first name). Honestly I sat here and tried to put myself in his place, and I really think I'd rather have the special names as equal middle names for these reasons.

(In fairness, old fashioned names are having a real comeback so the names just being old fashioned wouldn't bother me)

I would use them as middle names. My name is my Grandmothers names and when I was growing up they were old fashioned although they are coming back, think Lily, Arthur etc. I hated being little Lily, Lily 2 etc. I would have much preferred to be called Jane Lily-Rose or similar. I always felt that I was being compared to them and not allowed to be me.

I understand where your husband is coming from. However, he's being unreasonable. This is your son too. He will be his own person. Naming him after brother and Dad won't bring them back. Middle names yes, a nice gesture but I personally would not be naming my child a name I didn't like. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. We lost a child and I wouldn't dream of using her name for someone else.

How good is he as.a husband and father? Selfish and lazy or super kind, helpful, caring and puts u first most of the time.
Id base my decision on that. If he is brilliant and never asks for much then give him what he wants. If he's always thinking about himself and pushing for his own way, stand Ur ground. Thats my take on it.

You are not being unreasonable on this one.

As much as people want to honour their much loved deceased ones, it's not right to do that to a child. Go put up a plaque somewhere, like a local park bench to honour them, or buy and name stars in the sky for them.

Because when your child asks why you gave them their name - "Because I loved that name" is the best answer you can give.

And never, ever, give your child a name you don't like - because they'll know you never put their needs first, that you were more concerned about someone else, even though if you hate the names, and know there's a posibility they might not like their name.

Put your foot down and compromise on middle names only.

And suggest to your husband he finds other ways to honour his loved ones.

Totally agree, little one should have a name (both) his parents love
And after all he’s his own person not a walking memorial.

James
John
Charles
Edward

All fine

Dereck
Barry
Mark
Gavin

Not

Depends what the names are. Lots of old names are nice. If it’s something awful, then don’t do it.

I’d say no and maybe compromise on just one of them for a middle name. My daughter’s middle name is a variation of my nephew who passed away’s name. If she had of been a boy I’d never have dreamt of giving her his actual name as a name or a middle name. However with her being a girl I found a really pretty variant for a girl that suited her and went with her name and her other middle name.

The middle name we chose suits her as well it also gives her, her own identity as well as being a connection to her cousin.

is there a variation you could use instead? maybe that’s an option. Also the baby might be born and not look like the names your husband wants to use.

What’s the name

I imagine the baby will have daddy’s surname so the same as them too so adding their names as middle names means that the family is very honoured already. Be honest, the baby needs his own name!

Your husband is already getting the surname! How can you carry a baby and give birth to it and have so little say?

Thing is though, if the child is gonna be known by the middle name anyway then what’s the point? Also I work in education and this is an incredibly common thing with a certain boy’s name (and for them to be known by middle name) for religious and cultural reasons. Fair enough but the poor kids end up being very confused when the register is being done!

Is it?

Would you name your child 2 names you disliked to honour dead relatives?

Stick to your guns with using those names as middle names. Unless DH is the one carrying the babies also, I don’t think he has the right to choose names that he knows you aren’t happy with. Yes they mean something to him, but as PP stated, your soon to be little boy isn’t an ‘in memoriam’. It’s a hard situation but be firm ❤️