Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

336 replies

lovingthespring · 20/04/2024 08:55

We're expecting a boy, dh has lost his brother and his dad in recent years and wants to call our son his dads name and brothers name as first and middle, I get why this means so much to him but the names are old fashioned and I really don't know if I could learn to like them.
Do I just try and accept the names that I'll never like or just understand and respect why he wants to choose them.
I have suggested he use the names as double middle names but he doesn't want to.
There are so many gorgeous modern names that I want to choose but I also know this means a lot to do for his dad and brother.

OP posts:
TinyYellow · 20/04/2024 09:01

It’s too much to name your new child after two deceased relatives. Your child is not a shrine you people your husband has lost. He deserves his own identity and a name that is chosen by both his parents.

I can understand your husband feeling like this is something he should do for the people he has lost but he’s thinking about them, not you or your child and you deserve consideration too. It is absolutely wrong for you to be expected to name your own baby something you don’t like and have had no say in.

Is the child going to have your husbands surname?

GabriellaMontez · 20/04/2024 09:01

That's not fair on you or your son.

MatildaTheCat · 20/04/2024 09:00

I would approach this from the viewpoint that it’s not necessarily a good thing to burden the new person with the identity of the dead, no matter how well meant. It could lead to expectations that cause disappointment, guilt and resentment.

Use them as middle names, choose a new name together, maybe something that references one of the names?

JusWunderin · 20/04/2024 09:00

It’s your son too. My DH lost his mum and we used her name as a middle name for our first born. I wouldn’t have liked it as a first name, but we still honoured her.

It’s sensitive, but stand your ground. Not liking a name at all and still compromising and having it as a middle name is more than enough on your half.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/04/2024 09:00

You both need to be happy with the names. It’s nice that he wants to honour his dad and brother and you need to be sensitive but it doesn’t mean you have to accept names that you don’t like.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 20/04/2024 09:00

No. Your son is not an "in memoriam" for dead relatives. I really hate when people do this. Give him his OWN name. I'd be standing firm on this one.
Even worse that you dislike the names but that isn't really the point.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 20/04/2024 08:59

Don't do it. Honour them as middle names and choose a name you both can agree on.

TTPD · 20/04/2024 08:59

I think middle names would be better, partly because I don't really like naming children after dead relatives, and doing it for both a first name and a middle name is a bit much.

But in general I do think you'd learn to like any name, it would just become your child's name.

Vanillalime · 20/04/2024 08:59

I think your suggestion of using both names as middle names is a fair compromise. There is no way I’d give my child a first name I didn’t personally like.

balloonted · 20/04/2024 08:58

It's lovely he wants to honour his family but I think using them as middle names is a good option if you can persuade him. You need choose a name you are both happy with definitely!

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/04/2024 08:57

I know it's a very sensitive issue but I do think they should be middle names.

Swipe left for the next trending thread