To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

Both parents should love their child’s name or else it’s not the right name for your child.

do not accept names you don’t like as a first name, a middle name I’d accept but not a first name.

If I died, I’d be mortified if anyone foisted my name on a little baby. Sorry op you’re going to have to say no

He can be upset.
He can feel all his feelings.
It's still a No.

And don't let him drag you into conversations.

No, DH my feelings won't change.
I'm not talking about this anymore
Either you help look for other names or I'll name this baby myself.

And after that Just flat out ignore him.

P.s. both my DCs have grandparents/brother middle names. Their first names are their own and not from any of our family.

Hard no. Your son is a person in his own right, and deserving of his own name, not two hand- me- downs.

I'd resent it forever to be honest but would also feel guilty if your DP really is that upset about it.

Is there a "modern" nickname that could be derived out of the names? Teddy is really popular now for names like Edison, Edward etc. Just a suggestion!

No. As sad as it is for your husband, this is about your son. My middle name is my mum's grandma's name, she died just as I was born and my mum was really close with her. She talked about her a lot. Unfortunately she means absolutely nothing to me although I'd have liked to have met her. The name itself is fine and it's classic so I don't care about that, but if it was a name I didn't like I think I'd feel a bit weird being lumbered with a crap name because of my mums feelings toward someone who was nothing to me. 'Honouring' someone won't mean anything to that person if they're dead, and won't mean anything to your son either. It's purely about your husbands feelings and I'm not sure that's the most sensible way to choose a name

No, your child isn't a walking memorial bench.

He can have his own name, that you both like.

And the other names as middle names.

Both as middle names I think

I would have them both as middle names but no way on earth would I give the baby the first and second name of dead relatives. He is presumably getting DH's surname too, so the same surname as the deceased.

I want to feel pride and joy when I say my baby's name and have him as a new person in his own right, not have him used as some sort of memorial where people are wistfully thinking of the dead when they use his name.

Give him 2 middle names op

I agree with the other posters, have as many middle names to honour the dead that you want, but the actual name you use daily has to be one you both like.

The dead are gone. This child isn't them he's his own person and deserves his own name.

Otherwise it'll be a life of comparison to how good their relatives were at x or y and how clever they were at calculating z etc.
Which your child may not live up to if his skills lie in other areas.
He needs his own life.

Absolutely no way. You can’t name your baby a name that you actually dislike. I would be quite worried that it could even affect your bond with him and possibly cause PND and anxiety.

That is so sad for your DH.

Personally I feel our children should have their own fresh identity, and are not born to be memorials to the dead, however loved. We have park benches for that. Our children should not have to go through life as Nigel Kieth so that their Dad can remember someone they (sadly) never met.

I think I would say no, except as middle names. But find the most honest but tactful way to say it. Definitely leaving out park bench refs!

Whose surname will your baby have? If the same as the deceased point out that that is a way that names are passed on.

Nope. You don’t love the names and children aren’t shrines to dead relatives.

choose a baby name is a two yes one no situation

No I also agree your son should have his own name.

Agree. I would never agree to a name if i hated it, I would be resentful in the long term

Middle names. Let the baby be his own person. The fact that you dislike the names is another excellent reason, but the not wanting the weight of having this first name would be my main reason. I get this is tricky and will need to be navigated sensitively and I don't blame your dh for feeling that way. But no.

Absolutely not. Middle names only. It isn't your child's job to be a living memorial for people he'll never meet.

I think they should be middle names.

As middle names they would still be honouring your husband's loved ones.

But as the baby's mother, you should have an equal say in choosing his name. You will be calling your child by this name for the rest of his life so it needs to be a name you like.

I also think that having the names of two dead family members but no original name of his own is a heavy burden for a child to bear.

Am I right in assuming your son will also have the same surname as his father, uncle and grandfather?

It's very unbalanced to have a first, middle and surname all honouring his father's side of the family and absolutely no input from his mother.

Weird way of thinking

Sorry for your husband's losses, but no, he does not get to dictate your child's first and middle names. Did you change your surname to match your husband's after getting married? If so that means every single name would come from him and his family, which is not at all fair.

If you're willing to tell us the names we might be able to suggest variations but really I think that your suggestion to use them as two middle names would be the best option.

How recent are their deaths and has your husband had any bereavement counselling? I understand that becoming a parent can be difficult when you've lost a parent.

Obviously you want to be compassionate towards him but don't back down on choosing your child's first name.

I was pregnant when BIL died.
In DHs grief he said he wanted to name the baby after him.
I said no. I don't like the name. It's now a 1 of 2 middle names.
Grief doesn't give him the right to dictate anything.
They can either be middle names or they don't appear at all.

Can they not both be middle names?

I completely understand why it is important to him but that doesn’t supersede your right to actually like your child’s name. For your child to have a name that is their own, not just an honorific because family members have sadly passed.

I’m not personally a fan of naming children after relatives, though I know it’s quite usual for very many people and that’s entirely their prerogative.