To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

See aparantly that was quite common many many years ago but yeah it doesn't sit right

When I read your original post I thought "Why not?".
Then I thought of the name Frank and thought "Nah, I couldn't do it".
A compromise as a middle name, yes.

Ridiculous. Where does it stop? If his mum passed away would a daughter be called her name?

What if your parents died to? Who's name would they get?

Stand firm.

Definitely double middle names. Aside from anything else, your husband might find it very painful to constantly say his dead brother's name. Keeping it in a middle spot means he knows its there but doesn't have the pain of saying it - or dilute the meaning/association he has with his brother.

I don't think your thoughts should be discounted at all. You/ he needs to compromise. I regret not getting the name I wanted for my last DC.

That is awful, what were his parents thinking? Good for him for changing it.

My DH Dad was named after his dead older brother and he absolutely hated it and changed his name.

Even then he was always saddled with the fact he'd been named after a dead relative his whole life

It depends what the names are and how much you dislike them, I think. My son is named after DH's dead best friend - but it's a timeless, classic name, which I didn't dislike.

Choosing a "modern, fashionable" name for your son may not be a great idea - anything too fashionable now will probably not be fashionable in a few years, and may be quite "ageing" as he gets older (in the way that if I met a Kevin now I'd assume he was about 50).

Depending on what you mean by "fashionable", a fashionable name may also lead to other people making assumptions about your child as he grows up.

It's not about it being fashionable it's about your son being able to carve out his own identity without the two of you unconsciously linking him to the deceased by name. You will say his name a lot. Its a burden not an honor to have a name to "live up to". Middle name or nothing

Middle names - can you show that would be for the benefit of the child who shouldn't feel as though they replace someone else

I agreed with a name I wasn't keen on, she's now an adult I'm still not keen on it and regret going with it.

I was named after my Dad's stepsister who died in her teens long before I was born.
I never knew anything about her, just that I was named for her. To be honest it was a family that used the same names over and over, so I would otherwise have been called Bridget or Mary, of which there were many!
I wonder if there is a family name from a previous generation that could honour the connection, someone loved by both deceased relatives eg a grandad?

Like I said to DH I'm carrying this baby and I'm pushing this baby out so we are absolutely not calling him @@@@

This. Middle names or nothing.

Good God I would hate to call my DC after a close dead relative

Middle name yes that's always fine

First name never

I'm team 2 middle names too. Aside from anything else, I think it's better to give the child his own name rather than forever be linked to a dead relative he never met.
My mum died while I was pregnant and my son has a male version of her name as a middle name.

Op, it is very unusual for a post to be unanimous but I have to agree with everyone else. Don’t let your child not have his own identity by calling him after 2 dead relatives. Let him ‘honour’ these relatives by having 2 middle names. It also sounds very difficult for your Mil. Choose a new 1st name for your new little bundle.

Don't choose any name just because it is fashionable. Choose a name because you both love it. And use family names as middle names.

My two DS both have names that others would call old fashioned. To me, they are just traditional names and they suit them both. No doubt they will be fashionable again one day.

Can you tell us what the names are?

YANBU if the names are Harold or Arthur. But if they are David or Peter, nothing wrong with those.

Also op, presumably if you were expecting a girl he wouldn't want to name her Keith Martin Surname. She would have her own name and he would continue to remember his dad and brother in the way he wants. But he can do that now, without tangling his son and you up in additional burden. Hopefully he'll realise that nothing has to change, he can love his dad and brother in the same way still.

Can you present it as , of course you want to honour his dad and brother, but you want this baby to have an independent identity. So you're happy to use dad and brothers names as middle names, but need a first name that is his own.
Alternatively, is there a diminutive of either name that you could use? Eg Zander, Jamie, Nico?
Obviously Brian and Gary are not going to work like that!
I did have a friend who felt compelled to use her FiLs name, which she didn't like, but came to accept it because it was her lovely baby's name.

Your husband is being very unreasonable. He should not be expecting you to name your child something you don’t like to please him no matter what his reasoning.

My youngest has my mum's first name as a middle name (my mum died years before DD2 was born).

DD2 is really intrigued and proud to have the same name even though they'll never meet. Close family were pleased too.

It's a fairly old fashioned name but one I like. I wouldn't have used it as a first name as like other posters have said, she's her own person.

What’s your mother in law’s take? She may not want this either