To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

So the kid gets his dad's dad's first name, dad's brothers middle name, dad's last name. This is the kid you're growing from your body and then birthing from your body and potentially feeding from your body.

No. He can choose the middle names, you choose the first name. Ask him why he thinks you shouldn't get a say in your sons name, like genuinely ask why he thinks that would be fair.

Tell him you'll go halves with him on a bench.

Babies are not memorial plaques.

He’s not thinking how weird it might be for him constantly naming his baby after someone he is grieving.

Tell him that you've taken his surname. You're giving the child his surname, and now he wants to dictate the first and middle names too? You aren't just an incubator. Tell him that you want babys first name to honour your dad or your brother etc

Middle names.

My DH wanted similar (first name of dad) and I refused on the grounds they’d be forever ‘living in the shoes’ of someone they never even met.

Frank. 🤣

Think about the child, would they be happy with that name?

I agree you should include these names as middle names if it means so much to him. But you both need to choose a different first name. My sibling has the middle name of a relative who died long before they were born. They don't mind and it has helped us stay aware of that family member.

However, if you want to honour your DH's choices, I can assure you, you would get used to the name though I understand you may forever resent your lack of choice.

Maybe your DH needs grief counselling - there are other ways to deal with the loss of loved ones?

This.

Your baby is his own person and deserves a name for him, not for people that have passed.

Middle names absolutely fine and lovely to do.

No, definitely do not have this as a first name if you hate it!

I think the middle name is a good compromise. DS has the middle name of DH's brother who was killed as a teenager

One of my children was born not long after MIL passed away and has her names as middle names. I loved MIL and also liked the names and their meanings so agreed to this. DD knows this and is fine with it as a connection to her grandmother that she never got to meet. One of her cousins also has MIL name as a middle name too.

I would never have given her those names as a first name though, she has her own individual name that is all her own. Also I think it would have been hard for DH to call her his mother's name all the time, the grieving process was not easy for him and that would have stayed as a constant daily reminder of his loss.

Middle names. Also point out you feel like your son is just his family’s child if it has his dads name, his brothers name and his last name, and it is too much to ask the woman who has been growing this child inside her. It will also be too much for the child, and imagine his mums comments oh little <dads name> is so like <dads name> it was meant to be!! It would be highly likely you feel like your child has been appropriated, it’s not like families don’t usually see the resemblances to their own family, so add in the name and the emotion and it would be a lot.

i always wonder when men make these huge requests whether they would for a moment consider them if the wife made something equivalent. Although there is no equivalent at all to your wife growing you a baby.

My nephew is named entirely after dead people. He hates it, as young as 8 he was unsettled by it. As an adult, he adopted a new first name. All his given names are now his middle names (it does make for a very long name!).

We gave our children their own names. It’s a minefield when you start naming them after relatives. In your case, your DH is suggesting your DS has his last name and names from his relatives. He is completely ignoring the fact that your son is related to you and your family, as well.

Put your foot down @lovingthespring what your DH wants is way over the top. I wouldn’t even use his names as middle names. Choose names for a brand new baby.

No. If the names aren't nice why should your son have to carry them?
His own name and possibly the others as middle names.

One of my children has his great grandfather's name as a first name and an uncle as a second with a grandfather third but mostly because I like the names and they are fairly timeless. My other son has another uncle's name as a middle name. When we knew we were having a boy and my father was very old and sick my husband said to my mother that we could perhaps use my dad's name as a middle name. My mother said on no account were we to lumber the child with my father's name which was old fashioned and not that nice. (It turned out that my dad only got it because he was expected to die of whooping cough as a baby and he was christened immediately and having a large family they had run out of family names, had already called one son after the vicar and the vicar unfortunately volunteered his second name.)

Frankly, you have put up with nine months of unpleasantness and then a very unpleasant number of hours in labour. He has had none of that. I'd pull rank on the names. I wouldn't want my children to be a living memorial to dead relatives. At least all mine were people we never knew but I liked the continuity and, frankly, there are so many children in my family that almost any name could be a family name.

What's wrong with Frank? Off the top of my head, I know 4. Aged between 4 and 74.

I would probably do it, the name becomes the person who holds it very quickly (your son) and named go in and out of fashion. But I named my son after my deceased father, so I'm biased.

Yes this, middle names only.

Agree with the pp who said your son is not a walking memorial - your son is a person in his own right and needs his own name.

Id push against this. He is clouded by his grief atm and is looking to make connections wherever he can.

Don't as a compromise use the memorial name as a first name and then use the middle name as their everyday name.
DH had this happen. It's a pain in the arse, it causes problems with official things and he has to cope with people who don't know him that well calling him a name that isn't "him", and then he has to explain.
He's named for his Dad, who is still alive - why do fathers do this?! A baby needs it's own identity.

Can you reframe it for him and say that it’s important they keep their names? (and I hope he’s getting proper bereavement counselling that is a lot of loss)

Both as middle names. Its a fair compromise