To think I can live with a name I hate because it means a lot to dh?

I think it's the way you've approached it. It's not about having a modern name, it's about not having the weight of two deceased relatives

I think passing on family names is a nice tradition but it is important that both parents like the names and consider how the child will be affected by the name.

Baby Roger or baby Nigel would probably lead to a few raised eyebrows. Although you wouldn’t give a second thought to an older man having those names.

It is also important for DH to consider whether his child will feel comfortable with the names he’s proposing.

That’s the windy way of saying I’m in the middle names camp if you don’t like the names or think your child would be comfortable with one as a first name.

No need to be fashionable with a name. What I think is loving towards a child is to give them a name where the spelling is such they will not be correcting others continually, and the possibility of unlike comments or worse is limited.

It’s also a way to see if there is some kind of compromise.

Somebody else mentioned the name Harold (which I actually think is alright). This would easily be shortened to Harry and the full name would only ever be used for paperwork.

Two middle names and give your son his “own” name. Unless there’s a modernised version of one of the names you could use.

So DH wants to decide the baby's names in the entirety, and not let you have any say at all?

I do think that both parents should prefer the names given, not just one parent's choice. The compromise of middle names - especially given that baby will have Dad's surname as a given - is more than acceptable, although I think that frankly given the mother will be doing 100% of baby creation she should have final dibs.

I get that DH is grieving and this might be having an effect on his current thinking, but long term, both parents need to happy with the names, so he needs to get over this particular upset and acknowledge that he's not being fair.

Well said!

You both need to choose a name, it’s not just his child and is massively unfair for him to dictate the first, middle and then baby have his last name too.

What is the first name of your deceased FIL?
Maybe you can use a modern derivitive of the name.

Is it your DH’s surname as well? Do you just get to do the hard bit for 9 months and give birth and all names including ones you don’t like are chosen by your DH and you get no say? Does your DH not care about your feelings or the sacrifice you are doing with your body and with work to create this baby that he doesn’t think you should have any day over naming?

I very much agree with others about your child needing his own identity. Both my kids have middle names honouring deceased family members but first names that were picked by us because we liked the name. I know someone who is the other way round, first name after relative and middle name the one the parents actually chose, and she goes by her middle name. It's obviously a sensitive issue, I think perhaps the gentlest way to put it to your DH is that your DS could really end up resenting the name if they feel conspicuous with a noticeably old fashioned name, and that is very much not the feeling you want him to have towards his grandad and uncle. Both my kids know where their middle names come from and know a bit about the relatives they never met, but they have their own names and their own identity. I'm possibly rambling now but the more I think about it the more I think it's actually a bit unkind to make a child's identity all about honouring a dead relative.

By the time he grows up the names will probably be back in fashion again.

I named mine after passed away grandfathers so both his great grandparents on both sides. But I liked the names. My ex husband wanted his other grandfather but I didn’t like the name and said no. His parents but pressure on and I said no. Funnily enough his parents didn’t try it with his siblings children.

I love my son’s name and he is the only one of his name we have ever come across. He loves it too.

I would push for them to be middle names. Your son needs his own identity. He isn't his uncle or grandfather.
I understand why your husband wants to use the names but he should be flexible.

I think it's lovely to incorporate the names as middle names but wrong to saddle a child with a dead relatives name. He is a person in his own right.

A child should have his own name in his own right. The family names should be middle names to honour their memory. I don't like US style junior names, as if a new son has no identity of his own but is always in a shadow.

I feel really bad for your poor DH but no, don't do it.

Using them as middle names seems like a lovely way to honour them and you both get to decide on a first name you BOTH love. You are carrying this baby for 9 months and have to push it out, it would not be fair that his entire name has come from your husband, assuming surname will also be his. Let alone you not actually liking it at all!

Your son is his own individual, he sadly will never meet or know these people, he deserves a name just for him.

Interested to know what the names are though. I am imagining all sorts like Frank Stephen.

This

The names don't matter. That just opens it up to mocking and ridicule, personal views on the merits of the names rather than the concept.
As demonstrated by someone mocking Frank as a name up thread. A name I happen to like and know several of.

So this child will have 2 relatives names and dh surname. No way. You get to choose first name. I'm of the opinion that the mum should get to choose the names.

Ohh we had a similar issue. I was so glad to have a girl 😬

What are the names?

Your child will be their own person and deserves their own name, that both parents like.

I think it’s very unfair on the child to do this to him. Your partner sounds selfish to want to do this to his child and to try to make you agree to it.

If the names are awful, I wouldn’t even agree to them being middle names. It’s not like your partner is going to forget about his dad of brother, so why does the poor kid have to be burdened with their names.

I wonder if he realises that calling out his deceased father and brothers name might actually be distressing for him and for others. Every time he says it or writes it he will be reminded of people that are no longer here. It won’t bring them back.

The poor child will forever have emotions attached to his name.

It says a lot about your husband that he is pushing for this, and not willing to compromise. I could learn to live with the name- I couldn’t live with the fact my husband asked that of me and wasn’t prepared to compromise on the name of my child