Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

If you do go away with her, try an all-inclusive resort. What you've just described sounds too much like hard work for a holiday.

@Borntorun123

’ I can that I have already made plans for Autumn, and can’t commit to another week long holiday abroad’

i think that’s a good response. Regardless of anyone’s personal circumstances, it’s a big ask to ask someone to go on holiday twice in one year. She may then start trying to pinpoint a holiday for next year, in which case you’ll just have to say you’ll worry about that next year etc. If she gets insistent, maybe point her in the directions of the links above and say you don’t know what your plans are yet. You’re not obliged to go on holiday with her - her holidays aren’t your responsibility.

It’s the OP’s experience and thoughts that matter in this scenario- not yours @wombat15

Airports provide wheelchairs and push them. It didn't sound like she uses one outside the airport. A mobility scooter is very different to a wheelchair and wouldn't require any pushing.

Op said in her first post that friend has mobility problems and she'd sometimes used a wheelchair ♿️ like in airports and longer distances.

And they'd used lots of taxis so if they stayed in the UK lots of different cities to visit she could use a wheelchair/ mobility scooter and use buses / trains. And most visitor attractions are wheelchair friendly.

I don't think the friend is in a wheelchair and maybe drives.

Booking a holiday and doing some shopping on holiday doesn’t make someone a carer. If it does, I must be DH's carer.😂

I'd say possibly a uk short break, you know the UK is fairly wheelchair friendly due to the disabled access laws introduced around 2003.

But I'd also be making sure a kitty is used for everything. So you don't end up paying more than your fair share

Has op said that her friend only liked one beach or one restaurant?. More likely that is all she did because that is all she could do due to her restricted mobility (not her fault) and the destination ( which OP chose). Do you think all disabled people can do everything non disabled people can do and are just choosing not to?

It doesn’t matter what the 2or 3 guilt tripping posters say - it’s about what op wants to do. It’s not your responsibility, just say you’ve other holidays planned. No need to explain more.

Why is it so hard for people to admit that the OP’s description of her experience is simply true? Her friend is technology impaired, likes one beach snd one restaurant , and doesn’t like walking. That would be true whether she is disabled or not. Its not the kind of holiday OP wants. So she shouldn’t agree to go again.

Being a caring supportive friend unpaid carer expected to organise everything and pay for their friend's extras and be complained at if everything isn't as friend wants it isn't for everyone I suppose.

FTFY.

Yes, this. OP's friend is using her as an unpaid carer.

OP, if she needs this level of assistance she needs a professional carer, not you. She really is in CF territory expecting this of you even once, let alone repeatedly! Sounds like you didn't have a holiday at all.

And what happens if (or when) her health deteriorates further? Will she expect help with medications, toileting, whatever? I've just come off seven years as my mother's carer and you don't want to go there.

"Caring for someone " involves assisting a person with things they're unable to do. It's not just personal care/ toileting. Having to manage a holiday based on limited choices, navigate places to go/ things to do, shopping etc falls under that. I bet there's more smaller things OP ends up doing that she hasn't mentioned as well.

@NoisySnail This limited their choices though as it sounds like they couldn't get taxis for whatever reason. Its in the OP's title "limiting my holiday ". If she can't walk far and OP wanted to go for a walk, she can't. She's clearly taken the caring role without it being discussed first, just expected to do it all.

Friendships are rooted in equality - it's not the same as love, where you might make personal sacrifices and not mind so much.

If one friend is pushed into the carer role or ends up with the responsibility of planning and booking and paying for more than their share, this isn't an 'equal' experience. It actually damages the friendship. And it's not your job to ensure someone else has a good time at the expense of your own experience.

I don't see this as attacking disability, more that 2 people have very different requirements from a holiday and their particular styles aren't compatible for a whole week at a time.

OP, I wouldn't criticise to get the holiday you went on as it will hurt her feelings unnecessarily and what's done is done and cannot be changed now. I think the best approach is to say you have things planned already/that you want a more active experience. Don't make it personal, even if she has been a bit thoughtless re the planning and spending.

I think you'd be okay doing a short break with her in the future, but changing how you go about it, so that you do get to go off and see what you want to see and meet up for dinner etc. But let her know in advance that you are going to explore a bit , so she knows not to expect you with her 24/7.

@LemonPeonies The friend does not appear to use a wheelchair normally. She can not walk longer distances so takes taxis. The only "care" OP provided was to go shopping for supplies and push a wheelchair in the airport - she did not need to push the wheelchair, staff will do that.

YANBU OP. It sounds you each have very different ideas about what you want from a holiday so you are not compatible holiday buddies. Why would you spend money on another holiday you know isn’t going to be your idea of a great holiday. Use your money to benefit yourself. Your friend can do the same.

I have some friends I would go on holiday with because they enjoy walking, sightseeing, history, trying different foods and pretty much the same things as me. I have other friends who are great for a night out or to meet with the D.C. in the park. I wouldn’t think about going on holiday with them though. Their idea of a great holiday is sitting by the pool all day, everyday, drinking and topping up their tan. That would bore me to death.

Given that all they did was go to one beach and one restaurant it doesn't seem that the organisation of absolutely everything involved much. I'm not clear on where OP was pushing the friend in a wheelchair either apart from the airport where she made a choice to push the wheelchair. Surely the OP would have had to top up supplies for herself even if the friend hadn't been there and she could have asked for the money. The paying for everything doesn't seem to be anything to do with disability.
Yes, it does sound like a boring holiday but some people like those sort of holidays. OP obviously doesn't which is fair enough but suggesting she is a carer just because she booked the boring holiday, didn't explore by herself and went to the shops is ridiculous.

It's not just that the OP had to organise absolutely everything though. She sacrificed a lot of time staying in certain places rather than exploring because the friend can't walk far, requiring OP to push her in a wheelchair for longer distances. The OP had to keep topping up supplies in the shop and pay. The list goes on. Sounds like a boring holiday of an unpaid carer, so yeah the cf friend should get a support worker to do these things if she can't do them for herself.

The popping to shops for items is obviously equivalent to being a full time carer.
Bloody ridiculous this thread.

I get that OP felt restricted on the holiday but in what way was she her friend's carer? All I can see is that she "offered her first choice of seating and popped to shops for items". She didn't need to push the wheelchair at the airport either.

Exactly! The huge amount of research will just be booking a hotel with a lift that you can get a taxi to, and with a beach that you do not have a long walk to. Loads of places meet that criteria.

I don't think someone who can walk short distances, uses taxis and does not have impaired cognitive function requires a carer and don't get why the holiday required OP to do a huge amount of research.

Perhaps she let OP do the "research" because she thought that would mean she was choosing a holiday she would like. Maybe she thought OP chose the holiday she did because she likes going to a beach in the day and a restaurant in the evening and doesn't care if it is the same one. Maybe she didn't think OP was doing her a huge favour by going on holiday with her and thought that she actually liked going on holiday with a friend rather than by herself.

@graceinspace999 you're missing the point. I didn't generalise to say anything about disabled people. I'm pointing out this particular "friend" needs to sort how she will travel and get about rather than relying on someone she's supposed to be enjoying a holiday with. She sounds like she lacks insight into how her lack of capabilities affect others.