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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

461 replies

Borntorun123 · 20/04/2024 06:27

NC for this.

I will start by saying I am lucky enough to have 3-4 budget holidays/ short breaks a year.

My last one was with an old friend who has mobility problems. She can manage most things but walking is very limited.

I willingly carried bags, pushed a wheelchair when necessary ( longer distances than she couldn’t walk in airports, etc), offered her first choice of seating, popped to shops for items, did everything I could to make things as comfortable and easy for her as possible.

She said that she had a good time and I am pleased. On the other hand I found that the holiday was so limited that I felt guilty and frustrated. I felt sorry for her, and very much appreciated my own physical health, but I constantly felt restricted. I run every day and was still able to do that, but whilst out saw places I would have liked to spend time exploring, or nice looking restaurants for a long dinner, etc. So many things to see and do.

Apart from travel by taxi to a few carefully chosen places, we could only go to one place on the beach where sun beds were provided
( charged) , and just one restaurant.

I can’t imagine how frustrated my friend is with being so immobile. I know I am very lucky.

She has now suggested going away together again. We’ve only been home a few weeks and it wouldn’t be until Autumn. She is looking to me to arrange everything as before. It took a lot of research, trying to ascertain what roads and paths are like, exact proximity to attractions, contacting property owners with several questions, etc. and despite my best efforts a few things still didn’t go to plan, which were commented upon.

I don’t want to go away with her again, at least not for the second time in a year. As well as being restricted it cost me significantly more due to taxis ( I rode in the taxi so of course split costs), it was always me popping to the shops for minor purchases, which individually seemed too trivial in cost to split, but actually totted up to a significant sum.

AIBU to tell her no? She couldn’t holiday alone, whereas I plan to do that for my next trip.

OP posts:
turkeymuffin · 20/04/2024 07:17

If you fundamentally had a alright time, I think it's a good thing to go again. It doesn't need to be autumn - you can say you have other plans for then. But it sounds like a trip next spring might be ok?

You should be honest though. Say you had a nice time & want to support her, but not at the expense of more £££ and time. She can do some planning and should be paying more than half the costs.

MissBedelia · 20/04/2024 07:13

YANBU.

If you’d be willing to go on a short trip with her next year I’d tell her that but ask her to do the planning. But you are under no obligation to go again. Holidays do show you who someone is! It seems that it’s really her personality rather than disability that was the issue: she must have realised, for example, the costs of groceries.

Wonkypictureframe · 20/04/2024 07:12

Fundamentally do you enjoy her company? Because if so, could you discuss some of the other issues to see if there’s a compromise here? Could you spend some time alone during the day to explore for example? Do you have a kitty for small expenses from the start of the trip? Can she take care of the planning this time?

midlifepisces · 20/04/2024 07:11

LameBorzoi · 20/04/2024 07:08

There's no reason for you to be organising everything and paying for all the groceries! Surely it makes more sense for her to be doing the research?

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want every trip with the same person, and to want to do the next one alone. I also wonder if there might be better destination options to consider if you were to take another trip with her in a year or so

Agree with this.

What if you did like an annual all inclusive trip with her?

It must be hard for her, but surely she wouldn't want to be a burden either.

LameBorzoi · 20/04/2024 07:08

There's no reason for you to be organising everything and paying for all the groceries! Surely it makes more sense for her to be doing the research?

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want every trip with the same person, and to want to do the next one alone. I also wonder if there might be better destination options to consider if you were to take another trip with her in a year or so

kiwiane · 20/04/2024 07:04

It doesn’t sound like a great holiday for you and you don’t exist to make her holidays possible. One trip doesn’t make you her forever travel companion so you’re under no obligation.
I think you need to be honest about how the last one was not your kind of trip. She may need to consider paying for a carer / companion next time.

WhingeInTheWillows · 20/04/2024 07:04

Say you’ve already got plans for the next couple of trips. If you wouldn’t mind a weekend/long weekend then give her some dates but get her to do all the planning this time.

hopscotcher · 20/04/2024 07:03

No YANBU - it's up to you when you go on holiday and who with. I think I'd be wary of leading her to believe you'll go away with her twice a year.
Aside from the frustrations though, did you have a nice time with her? It sounds like she got a lot out of it - could you tell her you don't want to do anything else this year but suggest another trip next Spring?

LindorDoubleChoc · 20/04/2024 06:40

Yanbu to not go on any holiday you don't want to.

LittleFloatingGhost · 20/04/2024 06:39

You’re such a good friend, but agree the reality of the holiday isn’t actually a holiday. It also shouldn’t be on you to research and do everything!

I’d maybe have a chat, honestly, and let her know your thoughts. You could soften it and say you’re going solo as that’s what you like to do (solo holidays are the best!).

I’d also suggest she gets a carer if her mobility is so restricted as she can pay for them to go on holiday with her in the future.

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 20/04/2024 06:31

Tell her you've already got a plan for your next solo trip so can't afford to go away with her again so soon.