Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

Can she not pay for a carer for her to go away with? Because that's essentially what you were to her.

Or perhaps can she go away with special holiday company that run breaks for disabled people....there are quite a few around.

Just keep it light, something like “I have other things on my agenda this year, maybe next”?

you sound like a good friend xx

Her friend can do all that research. If she wants holidays that cater to her specific needs she'll have to learn to organise it herself like other adults do.

Eta: That's assuming she is able to of course...and by that I mean there is nothing stopping her other than a reluctance to become more tech savvy.

I don’t know. Perhaps the OP can clarify. @Borntorun123 is not understanding money/effort/planning part of their condition? Is she unable to book holidays or doesn’t want to? What reason did she give for you having to book it all? Does she go anywhere that she’s arranged?

She might not just be a dick either. She sounds very self-unaware and thoughtless.

I would suggest a day out at some point over the summer, rather than a holiday.

If you were willing, maybe suggest a shorter, U.K. based break. A long weekend somewhere where you both relax and just eat, drink and enjoy each other's company, or a city break with plenty to see and do. One of the Channel Islands might be a good compromise for a long weekend break. Also, instead of a wheelchair could your friend use a mobility scooter, maybe a folding one she takes with her. This means you don't have the worry of organising a wheelchair or having to push her everywhere, it would also mean she could get around under her own steam independent of you and you could then both venture further afield.

I’m presuming the friend actually can’t plan/book things online since the op says ‘can’t’ not won’t, and it’s entirely possible that she has a condition that effects her executive function in that way.

The op presumably knows what she is like in terms of paying her way, being a cf or a good friend etc- they must be quite close if they have gone on holiday together… if not understanding money/effort/planning etc ISNT part of her condition and is just her personality then why would the op be friends with her at all?!

I have friends who can be extremely difficult to deal with at times, and have really inconvenient needs- but I know it’s part of their disability, not just them being a dick so I approach the relationship with that in mind-

If they were just a dick I wouldn’t bother with them.

Be honest and tell her that you have planned your next holiday.
Research travel agents that organise trips for people who have compromised mobility. Collect the phone numbers and suggest that your friend makes contact. Maybe they will post brochures.
Do go on a couple of day trips or over night trips per year with your friend, if you enjoy each others company.

It's a tricky one isn't it? You're a good friend.

The problem is that if you agree to go away together again this year, you may become her default holiday companion in her assumption. I think you should decline another break so soon so it is clear to her you are not available to take on that role.

The fact that you had to organise everything for her plays a part in how I regard this. It's additional hassle and transfers the responsibility of her good time on to you, which isn't fair or reasonable. You're not her carer or her mum.

It won't be her intention but I don't think she realises that a holiday that is specifically catered to her needs is not going to be as satisfying as one that takes your needs into account as well.

I think that if you were to do this again, SHE should be booking and organising arrangements to suit, while making sure there is room in the schedule for you to go sightseeing in the places she cannot access. It has to be a trip for both of you, otherwise it's going to be an expensive toil that you aren't getting much out of.

My mum was a wheelchair user so I understand the limitations but with her adventurous can-do approach it was never an issue. Some things she could do, others she couldn't. A holiday has to cater to everyone.

Don't feel guilty, OP. It's your life. Whilst you don't want to upset your friend, you also don't want to leave her with the impression you are happy to go away with her as a regular thing - if this is not the case, then you need to tell her this kindly but firmly. Otherwise, she'll just keep repeating her request and you'll have to keep thinking up excuses.

She has an alternative - paying a carer to go with her. Expensive? Probably, but that isn't your fault. Are there any clubs/associations she belongs to that organise holidays for those with disabilities?

Just say maybe next year you've got plans for now.

She needs to learn this basic skill unless her disability causes brain fog or something, then she needs to look into getting a carer or PA support

I think you could say “Sorry, I’m not able to do that as I already have my next few holidays planned, and that’s my annual leave and budget for (whatever period seems suitable) accounted for. Would you like to go for a day out / evening at X place soon? Would be nice to see you”

I don’t think it’s fair for her to assume this is now a regular thing and not a one off.

Just say, "not this year sorry, as I want to book an active holiday later on this year."

She could go on ten holidays a year and she still wouldn’t be obliged to take her friend once a year. Especially if it is exhausting, costlier and not enjoyable for her.

A caveat to say that I've not personally used any of these, but you could also suggest one of the numerous "mobility holiday" companies ... not just potentially suitable for her needs but an opportunity to make more friends as well:

https://www.disabledholidays.com/about/escorted-group-holidays.html

https://www.limitlesstravel.org/care

https://www.responsibletravel.com/holidays/limited-mobility

I would say "No, better go with someone else - I want to go hiking the High Tatras (or whatever) next, and then island hopping in Greece. I won't be doing a stay-in-one-place holiday for a few years."

Tell her you can’t holiday this year with her as there’s a more “active” holiday you fancy that wouldn’t suit her needs but would she fancy a trip to (add whatever you think but preferably not garden centre).

If you enjoy her company can you do something like an all inclusive spa weekend in the UK or a short cruise? that way everything is onsite and you don’t have to do much. Not soon though, in a couple of years, and you definitely need a kitty.

The thing with people suggesting they go on cruises or all-inclusive holidays, the OP says she likes budget holidays-so she can go on 3/4 a year. Going on that sort of holiday isn’t what she wants to do and would blow her budget completely.

If you are having 3/4 short breaks a year I think 1 a year with your friend is reasonable. I would say can't really do that so soon, but maybe we can do the same time next year.

If all inclusive pool side suits her and you decide that you want to go again with her, then why don't you book the next trip to a place where she can do this and you have options beyond the pool. You can explain to her that this gives you options to go out and explore a little more which is what you want.

She doesn’t seem able to a computer for any sort of research, or anything other than social media. She would never be able to book even a package holiday unless she used a Travel Agent

First of all you sound like a lovely friend; however I agree there's no obligation on you to go and certainly not twice a year - apart from anything else tthat would create an expectation for the same in future

If she can use social media she's IT savvy enough to approach an online travel agent who'd sort it all out for her, so if you were willing to do this again maybe next year that's what I'd suggest

I would advocate honesty here. Write a letter and explain that you enjoy her company, but the holiday was not relaxing, as you had to organise it and do the heavy lifting. The cost was also a factor, so you will not be going away with her again.

She needs you more than you need her. She would not be going on holiday at all unless you were there to facilitate it. For this reason, she should actually be paying for you.

I would then see whether steps up and offers to pay for you.

Are there any sort of holidays together you'd enjoy

I was thinking something like a mark Warner adult uk holiday? All activity in one hotel which hopefully is okay for walkers/wheelchair. Learn archery or cooking.

Or a cruise.

I have suggested to my parents (dad 75 uses a walker) that I'd be happy to go with them on a cruise to help them out. But I'd go off some days on my own excursions and other days the more "sit on coach and enjoy scenic views" tours.
But I'd never take them to say Disney where I really love and want to go go go all day. I'd hate it. But don't mind a chilled cruise.

It wasn't a holiday for you. It was for her, but it wasn't for you. You were fulfilling the role of 'unpaid carer' entirely, and paying for the privilege. And her 'blissful unawareness' of her now asking you to plan another one where you will incur higher costs and do ALL the running around for her, while not getting to do anything you want to do, is an unreasonable expectation. Even if she doesn't see it.

It really is that simple. And you don't want to do it again, and you can't afford to do it again. And while I know you can't put it that way to your friend, you are going to have to find a way to let her down gently.

I imagine any conversation about it is going to be difficult, but it will need to be had. She's not family, you're not responsible for her, but she is a friend, and if you want to keep her as a friend, you're going to need to be kind but clear that you can't go on another holiday with her again. You're open to outings and maybe a weekend getaway here and there, but a longer holiday is out of the question for you.