Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

Why don't you just be honest with her and tell her what you've told us in your posts?

My friend has no cognitive issues. I don’t know why she seems so reluctant to even try to get to grips with computers, etc. She is only early 60’s, so not really an age problem

In that case, and only if it suits you to go again, I'd defnitely be pointing her towards some online travel agents. If she can compose a SM message she can compose one for them, and as said earlier they'll do all the work

You really need to guard against learned helplessness, especially as it seems she's eyeing you up as the go-to person for this kind of thing

Of course you dont have to go with her

Would she consider a mobility scooter? If you went somewhere she could hire one for the time your there then you could walk everywhere and she could be on the scooter, then you wouldn't be limited.

Have a think about what you really want and how to best communicate that to her.

If the focus for you when you go away is to explore, see as much as you can and be spontaneous then holidays with her will always be a disappointment because it's a constant reminder of the fact that you are unable to do what you would like.

This would be the same if you were obliged to stay with someone in an all inclusive, or only eat in fast food places if you particularly enjoyed cuisine , or not see inside famous sites because travel companion didn't want to pay.

I'd say that you had a good time but you have got other travel plans lined up. You don't need to be specific, but if she presses you be prepared to say you prefer more active holidays and leave it there.

If by any chance you would still like to do something with her, maybe an activity nearer to home, going to see a show or to visit something specific, like an exhibition or something and include an overnight. Equally fine to not go away together. I would only ever go with 2 of my friends

I don't have any friends I'd want to holiday with, nothing to do with mobility problems.

Once a year seems more than enough unless you are a brilliant pairing, and her unwillingness to organize seems less fun for you.

Just let her know that although you had a good time, you aren't up for another trip this year, you'll have to see about next year.

In this situation, I'd be more than happy with my friend going off and eating in interesting places/doing other activities, I hate being joined at the hip, but if you aren't compatible holiday companions, that's just the way it is, few people are, IMO.

I'm the person in the wheelchair due to mobility problems, I hire an electric scooter when we go away, as I would hate my family and friends to be as secretly annoyed as you are having to push me everywhere. Is that an option?

And I'm saying that as someone definitely going down the road to reduced mobility with a very fit partner.

It sounds like she's not addressed her physical challenges either. Definitely leaning towards learned helplessness.

I would opt for shorter days out. Not holidays, you're not compatible. She needs a paid carer for that amount of extra work.

In terms of budget -I am looking again nice cruise to Norway for £850 per person for a week. So that's pretty much everything covered bar travel to Southampton.

We love seeing a new port every day -have enjoyed places in Croatia and Albania as well as more touristy places (rome /corfu)

But really she needs to research things and potentially offer to pay more to "upgrade" the trip to suit her more.

This sort of flies in the face of what you have said about self catering and space etc but I promise I have read your posts…

If you are willing to travel with her again but want a bit more independence for you both, consider a cruise. I did one with an elderly relative and I was really surprised at how accessible everything was. The ship itself was surprisingly wheelchair friendly, there was lots of opportunities for me to do my own thing and then meet up for a drink, meal or activity later. Also, the excursions were very, very clearly described down to the number of steps/stairs needed to get to get to the destination.

That said, if you didn’t want to travel with her again, I would understand. It is a lot to put on another person. In which case, I would suggest you let her down lightly by saying you already have plans for your next few trips, maybe next year. Because, of course, next year never comes.

Edited to Add - sorry, crossposted - I have just seen your ‘no cruise’ post. But, like you, I also thought that cruises weren’t my thing until I did one. It was much more fun than I had anticipated. A much younger crowd and I didn’t have to play endless games of bridge (although that was an option if you liked it).

If that was my friend I would say I do want to go on holiday with you again, just not so soon. Maybe discuss going on holiday again in a couple of years?

Personally I would take a complete step back from holidaying together and continue to be the good friend that you are in other ways that are less stressful.

I agree with this. Be careful it's not expected that you regularly go on holiday with her, especially if you don't get to do things you prefer. She's already asking for another holiday with you this year.

There are charities and organisations which provide advice and help for people with disability needs to holiday in the UK or abroad but she is going to need to be a bit more involved in the planning herself. 🌹

Just be kind when you tell her you don't want to. She will understand, really.

Just as an aside, she's really quite cheeky expecting you to do all the organising. It's her legs that dont work not her brain

if You did want to go with her again, what about considering a cruise? My in-laws do cruises and my FIL is a full time wheelchair (electric) user with very limited mobility (maybe 10meters slowly with a stick). They manage to get off in ports and go and explore the local town or they book on an excursion that is wheelchair friendly. When on board there’s multiple restaurant options and shows. You could always get off as soon as the ship docks (which usually early) to go for your run then come back for her.

I wouldn’t mention going next year.

I would just explain that your next trip is already planned but maybe next year. Then I would be thinking about a weekend/long weekend. But it's really hard if people aren't very mobile. I'm always very stuck with my parents, poor mobility and every where I think of for days out has a car park about six miles from the actual attraction. You don't notice when you are fully mobile how unfriendly infrastructure is to people who can't yomp along for miles.

I really sympathise, op, as I have a friend in a similar situation and we are planning a few days away together later this year. I know it will cost me more because of the transport by taxi, less choice of where we stay, etc, and I know I will have to sort it all out in advance. She's a good friend and so I'm happy to do it and won't complain, will pay equal to her, etc, but I'm a bit anxious about it. Just because someone is disabled, doesn't mean they aren't also critical of things if that is their personality, and I know I will feel responsible if it goes wrong in any way at all.

Well in that case she should be taking part in planning if you don’t want to do it all, and should be paying her way.

I would say I’ve already planned my trips for this year and can’t afford/don’t have annual leave/do not want to book any additional ones.

I really think she should have paid for all the taxis and any incidentals that cropped up. You are a very good friend to her.

I used to holiday with my mother in law under similar circumstances when she was still alive, but she organized and paid for the whole thing because the understanding was that I was there as a carer companion.

I think your friend is not being intentionally exploitative, but they need to understand that their holidays will cost more going forward. This is one of the many reasons why disabled people need PIP, because so many aspects of life are more expensive than if able bodied. It is also possible to your friend to pay others to organize holidays if a package isn’t the right thing. For example see:
https://www.travelcounsellors.co.uk/