Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

You’ve probably been given all the advice you need now but I wanted to come on to say what a good friend you are.

I have one suggestion, should you decide to travel with her at some point, even if only for a weekend. Take a credit card with nothing already charged to it or have a cash kitty you pay an equal amount into for all shared expenses- groceries, taxis, trips meals etc. That way you won’t pay for small things along the way which soon mount up. If you use a card instead you can take the bill to her when it comes in after the trip and show her what she owes.

This is a very very common situation - that someone who needs a carer to go on holiday won't admit it and will expect a friend or family member to stand in for a carer. This can work well if you go into with your eyes open and if the relationship is worth cherishing then it's a lovely thing to do - but you do need to have some caution and not go on frequent holidays as the unofficial carer ! I don't think you should be expected to do all the legwork to prepare the holiday - some of things you mention about having to ask the property owners questions on her behalf and then getting 'criticism' when things don't go to plan sound more like elderly parent territory - a friend should not expect this

"Just a few parts to clarify. She doesn’t seem able to a computer for any sort of research, or anything other than social media. She would never be able to book even a package holiday unless she used a Travel Agent."

"She is looking to me to arrange everything as before. It took a lot of research, trying to ascertain what roads and paths are like, exact proximity to attractions, contacting property owners with several questions, etc. and despite my best efforts a few things still didn’t go to plan, which were commented upon."

That alone would put me off holidaying with her! I'd feel more like the hired hand than a friend, expected to put in all the work on her behalf whilst she just accepts it as her due. No, I'd not be holidaying with her again.

I'd also limit it to a long weekend

As has already been suggested, I see!

If you would consider another trip - maybe next year? - in your position, my opening gambit would be "Sounds interesting. Where were you thinking of? Do you want to look into a few places and suggest a plan?"

I'd also limit it to a long weekend.

and despite my best efforts a few things still didn’t go to plan, which were commented upon

I think your friend was being unreasonable asking you to do all the arrangements and then complaining about things that weren't to their liking. If they want to go away then they should be doing all the research and contacting the prospective places.
Yanbu to not want to go away with them this year. I would just say you have your other holidays booked or arranged already.
If you were to go away next year, maybe just go places you can go for a long weekend for, and not places you'd necessarily want to see certain things, and save places you'd like to see more of just for your solo trips.

It can easily be a lot more than that, as I found out when my disabled DS went abroad for a week with a carer, which is why I floated the idea of accompanied holidays specifically for the less mobile

It would obviously still cost more than the friend going alone, but nothing like as much as having a "private" carer - and as said it could produce more lovely friends

I think that if you agree to go away with her again, it should be her responsibility to plan the whole thing to accommodate both her and your needs. If she isn't willing to learn the skills to do this - internet etc. - then I wouldn't be going.

It's not so much the helping out/restrictions that would get my goat for the occasional trip, but the taking responsibility for everything definitely would. You're not a travel agent!

Her mobility issues don't change the fact that she's a CF who wants to sit back while you do all of the work in planning and make all of the accommodations for her.

That alone would piss me off enough not to go again because there's nothing worse than a person who won't get involved in the research/booking, then moans about what has been chosen.

'I didn't read the OP as moaning about disability, she's talking about the restrictions imposed'

Yes correct, she is moaning about the restrictions imposed. Caused by a disability.

I guarantee the friend finds it all much more of a bore than the op does. I just feel so sorry that the friend has no idea that her pal is online whining about said 'restrictions'.

Being a caring supportive friend isn't for everyone I suppose.

It's a thousand pounds a week plus all expenses paid for a solo travel companion who cares. You did a nice thing but you don't have to do it again.

Just don't go on more than one holiday with her a year!

It sounds like what you usually do, which is meet at a restaurant for a chat, suits you just fine.

Do that, and stop doing the things you don't like. I don't think it's that nice to go on about how slow wheelchairs are in airports, this is true but this is something we disabled people have to suck up.

I don't have to suck up friends who aren't truthful though or are moaning about helping out or just want to do different things- be graceful and let your friend know your parameters which are that you don't want to organize and go on multiple holidays a year, which few people would, even with a close friend.

Ah if your budget is around £250 per trip (and 3-4 per year) then that is definitely an issue in terms of the sort of holidays she may enjoy.

So maybe we just say to her -here is my budget -let me know if you find something suitable for next year within that budget.

Two trips in a year is too much. I would say that you have other things planned for the near future and don't have any extra budget/holiday entitlement etc.

I didn't read the OP as moaning about disability, she's talking about the restrictions imposed! OP is active (runs) and the holiday was at a pace to suit her friend, not her.

I think you need to put yourself first. A holiday should be enjoyed by everyone attending and that clearly isn't the case with this friend.

For the time being I'd just say you have other plans and the obvious restrictions in budget and time.
For the future, how about group / coach holidays? They aren't cheap, but the guide has some responsibility and will ensure that there is acess or alternative options if mobility is an issue.

I was feeling quite sorry for your friend, until you said you plan and organise EVERYTHING!

It strikes me this is only in a small part about the limitations posed by her disability, and mainly about the fact that you're expected to present her with the perfect holiday, and get critiqued if you don't.

Her attitude would drive me loopy, that is no way to treat a friend. Absolutely she can use a computer and organise her own shit, certainly if she uses it for social media as you say. Sounds like she just can't be bothered, and it's nice for her to just get you to do it.

Unfortunately it sounds like you did too good a job this time and she'd like your services again to organise a nice holiday. Just a big fat no from me, she's taking the piss.

'My friend has no cognitive issues. I don’t know why she seems so reluctant to even try to get to grips with computers, etc. She is only early 60’s, so not really an age problem'

So what. Many people cba with the Internet. Yes she shouldn't rely on others and could obviously ring a travel agent but who cares if she doesn't have a computer.

Just be honest with her, at the moment she seems completely oblivious to your disdain and intolerance to her problems. Why does she think you're a supportive nice friend? Tell her you aren't at all and there'll be no more boring wheelchairy trips thanks very much.

OP, as someone else pointed out, disability doesn't make someone a burden, but not taking a part in the organisation of the holiday, not paying their way and passing comment on parts of the location that were "unsuitable" does make someone a burden.
You are her friend, not her carer.
And , while you say you enjoy her company, you may feel resentful if you say yes to another holiday with her.
You're shouldn't feel obliged to holiday with her again, it's your holiday too, so try to ignore any emotional pressure she may put on you to say yes.
And enjoy solo travelling!

I can't believe all the people saying you 'sound a lovely friend' yet here you are moaning about her disability putting a dampner on things. Imagine how she feels every single day.

Please don't go away with her again. She deserves to be with supportive and kind pals, not ones moaning because it all just a bit of a drag this wheelchair carry on. Jesus.

Tell her 'no sorry, you do not want to go away with her again and perhaps she could look try booking somewhere with a carer who would be be better suited to her many, boring needs'

Enjoy future hols skipping around 'chatting to the locals'

Sounds like you have completely different interests and needs.

I think you come across really nice and considerate OP. While it's possible that you may want to do this again in future, you really don't see that any time coming up, so I don't think saying that you got your plans for this year already sorts the problem. I think this is really tricky. Could you say something like "That was fun and I really enjoyed it but it reminded me why it's not my usual sort of holiday, I need to be busier and to have the independence to follow my nose in order to get out of my head", or some such.

You sound like a nice friend op.

Don't feel guilty for saying no, just tell her your next few trips are already planned.

I can understand your frustration
After our last family holiday where I spent huge amounts of money to go to a place where there were a lot of things dc and I wanted to do and dh was struggling to walk 100 yards to a restaurant. I have said no more holidays with dh.

The issue with dh is he doesn’t help himself and his whole lifestyle isn’t conducive to being able to walk any distance. In the last few years since he has retired he has sat watching day time tv every single day. He can go weeks without going past the doorstep.
In the meantime I am working and running my own business and doing 18-20,000 steps per day.

Unless your friend has significant care needs which requires a carer there isn't really any barrier to her traveling alone. My mobility is very limited but I have been away on my own abroad several times. I book assistance at the airport so I don't have to walk to the plane and I book a mobility scooter at the resort. I always plan beforehand to check the hotel is disabled friendly and go all inclusive so I don't have to go far.

It sounds like maybe your friend lacks confidence and needs someone to encourage her to do the planning herself and see that she would be fine going abroad on her own if need be.