Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

'The more mobile one is aware that her issues require compromise from others and, generally, tries to mitigate it as afar as possible. I am happy to go with her again, but even then, not every time. I generally manage 2 or 3 breaks a year. Luckily she ca't afford to join me on more than one. I have been going away on my own for a decade or so, so even compromising with an able bodied friend can be challenging.'

'The more mobile one' .

The language and intolerance on this thread is absolutely awful.

Where and when do folk find the time and inclination to yes step up, to help out, to be a nice person.

@NannyGythaOgg's poor immobile pal 'luckily' can't afford many hols so she doesn't have to put up with it much. Phew!

She did. She assisted her and is here complaining and saying she cba to do it again.

She of course needs to tell her pal she isn't going again, fine, but instead of saying oh it's the computering, the taxis etc just admit she cba with mobility issues and let's hope doesn't need any assistance herself in the future.

She did. She assisted her. Planned the holiday. Paid for a load of stuff. Totally put her friend first.
Did you not read the post?
She still is not obliged to go on hols with her.
And this forum is for advice and getting things off our chest. OP is allowed a moan. She is also allowed not do something she doesnt want to do.
Any one who uses their disabity to use their friend, is a CF.

'Surely she doesn’t owe this friend an away trip? Why can’t she socialize with her in this country? '

No, no she doesn't 'owe this friend an away trip' that is true. Its just a nice thing to do, assist someone who has limitations. You are quite correct disabled people can socialise in this country! how dare they want to live like normal people and travel abroad.

She doesn't have to give her 'her life', just y'know assist her <alleged> pal with mobility issues instead of moaning that it's all too much and her other hols are so much more fun.

She doesn't have to give her 'her life', just y'know assist her <alleged> pal with mobility issues instead of moaning that it's all too much and her other hols are so much more fun.

'Surely she doesn’t owe this friend an away trip? Why can’t she socialize with her in this country? '

No, no she doesn't 'owe this friend an away trip' that is true. Its just a nice thing to do, assist someone who has limitations. You are quite correct disabled people can socialise in this country! how dare they want to live like normal people and travel abroad.

NC for this.

I will start by saying I am lucky enough to have 3-4 budget holidays/ short breaks a year.

My last one was with an old friend who has mobility problems. She can manage most things but walking is very limited.

I willingly carried bags, pushed a wheelchair when necessary ( longer distances than she couldn’t walk in airports, etc), offered her first choice of seating, popped to shops for items, did everything I could to make things as comfortable and easy for her as possible.

She said that she had a good time and I am pleased. On the other hand I found that the holiday was so limited that I felt guilty and frustrated. I felt sorry for her, and very much appreciated my own physical health, but I constantly felt restricted. I run every day and was still able to do that, but whilst out saw places I would have liked to spend time exploring, or nice looking restaurants for a long dinner, etc. So many things to see and do.

Apart from travel by taxi to a few carefully chosen places, we could only go to one place on the beach where sun beds were provided
( charged) , and just one restaurant.

I can’t imagine how frustrated my friend is with being so immobile. I know I am very lucky.

She has now suggested going away together again. We’ve only been home a few weeks and it wouldn’t be until Autumn. She is looking to me to arrange everything as before. It took a lot of research, trying to ascertain what roads and paths are like, exact proximity to attractions, contacting property owners with several questions, etc. and despite my best efforts a few things still didn’t go to plan, which were commented upon.

I don’t want to go away with her again, at least not for the second time in a year. As well as being restricted it cost me significantly more due to taxis ( I rode in the taxi so of course split costs), it was always me popping to the shops for minor purchases, which individually seemed too trivial in cost to split, but actually totted up to a significant sum.

AIBU to tell her no? She couldn’t holiday alone, whereas I plan to do that for my next trip.

This is a very very common situation - that someone who needs a carer to go on holiday won't admit it and will expect a friend or family member to stand in for a carer. This can work well if you go into with your eyes open and if the relationship is worth cherishing then it's a lovely thing to do - but you do need to have some caution and not go on frequent holidays as the unofficial carer ! I don't think you should be expected to do all the legwork to prepare the holiday - some of things you mention about having to ask the property owners questions on her behalf and then getting 'criticism' when things don't go to plan sound more like elderly parent territory - a friend should not expect this

I’m sure she’s keenly aware of the potential of being a burden and unfortunately it seems that is what she has become - to you.

If you have four breaks a year then one short one with a disabled friend doesn’t seem that bad?

Disability is very isolating and I hope you can find a way to holiday together occasionally that doesn’t involve you or her feeling like she’s a burden.

If you were willing, maybe suggest a shorter, U.K. based break. A long weekend somewhere where you both relax and just eat, drink and enjoy each other's company, or a city break with plenty to see and do. One of the Channel Islands might be a good compromise for a long weekend break. Also, instead of a wheelchair could your friend use a mobility scooter, maybe a folding one she takes with her. This means you don't have the worry of organising a wheelchair or having to push her everywhere, it would also mean she could get around under her own steam independent of you and you could then both venture further afield.

'I didn't read the OP as moaning about disability, she's talking about the restrictions imposed'

Yes correct, she is moaning about the restrictions imposed. Caused by a disability.

I guarantee the friend finds it all much more of a bore than the op does. I just feel so sorry that the friend has no idea that her pal is online whining about said 'restrictions'.

Being a caring supportive friend isn't for everyone I suppose.

'My friend has no cognitive issues. I don’t know why she seems so reluctant to even try to get to grips with computers, etc. She is only early 60’s, so not really an age problem'

So what. Many people cba with the Internet. Yes she shouldn't rely on others and could obviously ring a travel agent but who cares if she doesn't have a computer.

Just be honest with her, at the moment she seems completely oblivious to your disdain and intolerance to her problems. Why does she think you're a supportive nice friend? Tell her you aren't at all and there'll be no more boring wheelchairy trips thanks very much.

I can't believe all the people saying you 'sound a lovely friend' yet here you are moaning about her disability putting a dampner on things. Imagine how she feels every single day.

Please don't go away with her again. She deserves to be with supportive and kind pals, not ones moaning because it all just a bit of a drag this wheelchair carry on. Jesus.

Tell her 'no sorry, you do not want to go away with her again and perhaps she could look try booking somewhere with a carer who would be be better suited to her many, boring needs'

Enjoy future hols skipping around 'chatting to the locals'