Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

I feel for you both: your friend sounds like they were genuinely delighted to be going on any holiday at all and for you who was constrained and exhausted by it all. I would say, turn them down for the Autumn but next time try and find some more people who could come along and help spread the load? Or try something like a river cruise where other people will stay on the boat and chat to your friend while you explore the town.

And be clear about expenses sharing up front (ie I'll put this on your tab and we'll settle up at the end etc)

@Lovemusic82 it is incredibly insulting for a friend to suggest she is really a carer and should be paid for holidaying with her. Expect the end of the friendship if you do that.
Also there is assisted travel in airports. You do not have to do anything and get to jump security and baggage drop queues with your friend.
Either your friend has zero confidence to organise these basic things, or this is highly exaggerated.

You do not need to go on holiday with anyone you do not want to. But you are doing holidays wrong if you could only go to one beach and one restaurant.

It sounds like you are her carer whilst away? If that’s the case then she should be paying towards your break? I know it’s hard as she probably can’t afford to pay your half but sometimes you can find deals where carers go free or get a discount (more for trios out rather than the actual holiday). My adult dd is disabled, she gets high rate PIP so if she goes anywhere and needs a carer to go with her she uses her PIP money to pay for their ticket, she goes to a lot of live music events and can’t go alone so pays for a friend to go as a carer.

Maybe just tell your friend that you can’t afford to go away with her twice in a year as you have other things booked too?

It's all down to communication isn't it. For example - 'I'll go to get some supplies and we'll go halves or you pay next time?'. Not hard.

To do it and complain about it would seem pointless. Unless to earn some more my disabled friend took the piss points.

Surely you'd also hate to realise that your friend was subsidising your holiday as you hadn't reimbursed her for the multiple small shops she'd done on your behalf? And hate to realise that you'd shown your displeasure when things weren't quite as described, when she had actually done all of the planning, including disability access, with no help from you? Would you also hate that your friend had 'secretly' been frustrated not to have been able to do more, when it sounds like she had bent over backwards to prioritise your enjoyment of the holiday to the detriment of her own? And you hadn't even acknowledged all that she had done to make it possible for you?

It does sound like you need to be clear to her now now albeit a kind way otherwise it will get harder to be honest later on.

No is an acceptable response.

Also I think she clocked you as her new secretary. I’d say in two years, yes sure, but it’s your turn to organise….

Do not become her holiday partner! Once every three or so years yes. I am sure she is a lovely person but she sounds too dependent. Clearly there are some things that she has no choice about being dependent on due to her mobility issues but the not organising and is rubbish.

If you don’t want to go, find any excuse not to. A white lie won’t kill anyone. She’ll get over it. I think you’re being too nice.

But no. Some on here think disabled people 'should go away alone' or take a paid carer. Lovely.

Some on here think that it’s fine to ask others to book, financially subsidise and organise their holidays as well as act as their unpaid carer. Lovely.

So when you went to the shops to buy her things I'm assuming you were paying from a kitty, and she wasn't actually giving you the money for her own personal stuff?

That in itself is a bit cheeky.

Gently suggest if you holiday together again, that she either brings a carer or helps with the organising more and if she can't explore with you by walking gets an electric wheelchair.

https://www.tui.co.uk/holidays/accessible-holidays/

https://m.disabledholidays.com/#!/

https://www.onthebeach.co.uk/holidays/disabled-friendly-holidays

How about a much shorter break that not abroad?
So a city break with good separate hotel rooms (maybe a gym), somewhere you can both explore buildings/galleries/shopping during the day, and maybe food and/or theatre in the evening (if these are things you might with enjoy doing together).

'Well, you're 'folk' so why don't you 'step up' and offer your services since you're so inclined?'

I have friends and family with mobility and health issues thanks. I more than happily push a wheelchair, pop to the shop, settle for the boring beach with the 'paid' loungers and curtail my activities slightly if needs be. Then I am considerate and kind.

No need to be martyrs but it's what you do to help friends and family live full lives.

But no. Some on here think disabled people 'should go away alone' or take a paid carer. Lovely.

I was really frustrated and overwhelmed for the first few YEARS at having to be the one to do all the things as a carer for DP. I still sometimes get bratty feelings of “Ugh, do I have to?” that I have to shake off. And I love this person!

YANBU to feel this way.

Personality goes a long way in these situations. DP is grateful, puts effort in where he can, will do admin and his own research, he makes everything into a funny situation and is very aware of if I’m okay or not rather than just thinking about himself.

It doesn’t sound like your friend is giving you much back in these ways.

I’d be as honest as possible and tell her you’re doing a lot of walking/visiting ruins next time and it won’t be her kind of holiday.

It’s absolutely not the OP’s responsibility to organise/take this person on/stump up extra costs for their holiday. That’s what it boils down to. They can still be friends though! There are very few friends I have been on a holiday with, it doesn’t mean we aren’t very close.

You haven’t taken her on holiday before and don’t have to again.

She has options. She can

pay a carer
pay a friend
go on an organised assisted holiday
not go on holiday

What did she do before this, @Borntorun123 ? Who did she holiday with before? Or didn’t she.

It sounds like you went out of your way to look after her on this holiday, but in doing so, it wasn’t a holiday for you. That doesn’t mean you should ever have to do it again-it’s not your job and it’s not your responsibility to have ‘inclusive’ holidays, no matter what some posters seem to think!

I don’t understand your point?

Was there some manifesto I signed without realizing it that obligates me to pay for, care for, or support the holiday needs of random people In the UK? What if I prefer to spend my money and time on a different disabled person? Am I still at fault?

Your position is pretty obviously flawed as st some point each person will have reached the limit of their ability to satisfy a friend’s need. This limit might be financial, or in terms of time or opportunity cost. But in any event despite people posting and posing as “inclusive” saints on mumsnet this is the fact. Everyone has their limits. Its easy to attack others for not being generous—what do you actually sacrifice for a disabled friend in need? Just un inclusive language?

She went away with her friend, it was more like a caring job than a holiday and she ended up paying more, doing less and solely organising it. It’s perfectly reasonable that she wouldn’t want to spend her holidays working as a carer. The OP said the holiday made her feel frustrated, restricted and I’m guessing pretty disappointed as well. That isn’t something I’d want to repeat in a hurry.

The friend sounds pretty self-absorbent and unaware of people around her. That has nothing to do with her mobility issues. She could do the research herself, she could speak to the travel agent but she is doing neither of those things and just expects the OP to do it all for her. That is unreasonable and not what friends do.

She's an old friend, why can you just not talk to her?

I'm disabled, there are some things I couldn't do without my friends. I'm also retired and they work. I plan, research and often pay for trips that we want to do together but I wouldn't be able to do alone. I'm happy with my own company and encourage them to still do what they want even if I can't join them. I am immensely grateful for what they bring to my life.

However, I would be mortified if they felt 'put upon' at any time and didn't feel like they could speak up or say no. So sit down and talk to your friend. Even if you can't/don't want to go this time she thinks you had a great time and will ask again, no point for either of you to just keep making excuses.

'But of course friend can go abroad? She can go on her own'

'She can go on her own'.

Where to start with that lovely, inclusive, supportive gem.