Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

This with bells on.

Some posters on here seem to think that the able-bodied OP doesn't deserve to have a holiday that suits her and that she will enjoy.

Ridiculous.

I am sure she did have a lovely time as it sounds like she didn't have to do anything apart from enjoy the holiday which we would all love to do. I would say that I couldn't run to another one this year but we could think about next year and she could take the time to research somewhere suitable and take more of a hand in organising it as it is a lot.

'I would say that I genuinely enjoyed her company when we were sitting at the bar chatting, etc. If I am being very honest though I would say the positive aspects nowhere near countered the negative ones.'

Ah those chats in the bar didn't make up for the boring wheelchair pushing. What a shame 🙄

Totally agree. OP has not disparaged her friend at all. Shaming women into being unpaid carers for disabled friends/relatives is unfair.

I know! Fgs a supposed pal is moaning about the boring limitations in accompanying her inconveniently disabled friend on a trip, can you imagine how intolerant people in the workplace will be.

Anyone who sticks up for disabled people here is regarded as a virtue signaller who only cares about others online whereas in reality there are many people who happily assist their disabled friends and relatives without disparaging them online and who also know that one day it could be them.

Imagine that the people you're disparaging are the self same people who assist their disabled friends and relatives regularly in a range of activities. They're all around. Who are you encompassing in your rant?

Just because OP is discussing the difficulties she had on holiday with her friends doesn't mean that she's disparaging them, she wasn't, and you're being unfair to suggest otherwise.

'You choose to do what you do for your friends and family but you have the absolute gall to dictate to posters here what they should be doing?'

Erm, she's posted asking for opinions?!

This with bells on.

Firstly, it doesn't matter what that twat thinks about anything at all.

Secondly, it's the employers who will make provision for disabled employees so that they have a valid and supported role in the workplace. I've seen this in both the public and private sectors - and seen colleagues make concessions and adjustments needed, without fanfare and fuss.

I think you're being entirely disingenuous making this about colleagues when OP is talking about friends on holiday so your eye-roll emoji is pathetic.

What’s this about?

Are you trying to make sure this particular person knows about the sacrifices and extra work and expense those around her have to tolerate for her to live life.

There’s so much resentment and anger towards people with disabilities on this forum.

Anyone who sticks up for disabled people here is regarded as a virtue signaller who only cares about others online whereas in reality there are many people who happily assist their disabled friends and relatives without disparaging them online and who also know that one day it could be them.

I had almost exactly the same situation . The first time wasn’t so bad although when my friend said to go again I wish I’d said no as the problems we had the first time were even worse the second and I ended up regretting it . I was expected to choose, book and plan everything . She asked to go again and I had to make excuses . I think I said something like I was saving for something so was going to cut down on holidays for a bit . That was 3 years ago and she’s moved on to others trying to get them to go away. She refused to go anywhere she didn’t want to mobility or not when we went and I got so fed up I felt I’d wasted my money and it didn’t feel like a holiday to me . I’ve since been with friends who are more like me and we have the same things in common and it was so much better

Tricky😕
I would make excuses & shut this down, the more you do it the more she will expect it and the easier it will be for her to make you feel obligated😶

@DuploTrain splitwise app is brilliant

Well said, LyingWitchInTheWardrobe.

It obviously makes some people feel validated to dictate to others that they would do this, that and everything under the sun for a friend or family member, but the reality is likely to be the complete opposite - and there will be a million and one reasons why everyone else should do it, but not them. Still, if virtue signalling makes you feel good and superior to others, do crack on, Janiie. Smug and self-righteous posturing amounts to do what I say, not what I do and most people recognise it for what it is.

This thread had been an eye opener to me.

So many people regarding this disabled woman as a CF and worse.

It’s not about being a saint or a CF.

Disability is not a choice. Mobility issues can have other effects as well which nobody here knows about.

Disabled people mostly live on a pittance and it’s hard enough to get that.

I don’t know this person’s financial situation- maybe she’s loaded?

It could have been sorted out in a conversation between friends. Simply asking her to make the arrangements or pay a bit extra towards taxis and take it from there.

A lot of the discussion here is so negative towards disabled people that it makes depressing reading for anyone with a disability.

@Tryingtobewellbalanced yes a pipe dream. People will bitch and moan if a disabled colleague asks others to make a drink for them regularly, never mind anything else.

I do not think you are being unreasonable. I imagine your friend may never have booked a holiday or researched on line re destinations given as you say she went with family. My in laws are quite computer literature but have always used the same travel agent and always will. I sympathise with her not having the skills to do this.
Similarly her restrictions sound difficult. It sounds as if you did a lovely job of adapting and enjoying the holiday as it was.
You don't have to feel obliged to do that kind of holiday again though. I went skiing with a group of friends. It was an experience. I enjoyed the company but not actually activity enough to spend that kind of money again. I can spend time with them in different ways. That holiday was more than I normally can budget. I don't see why it is any different for you. You want to spend your time and money doing x. Do.
As others have said there are lots of ways holidays could be more catered for you and your friend if that's something you wanted to do. I have experience of elderly relatives coming with us and making adjustments. Many of us could give advice but it's okay if you don't want to.

And Sunak thinks collegues will carry disabled people in the workplace 🙄

I have a friend who is severely disabled. I've had to cut down on time spent with him because I end up doing all the organising and like you, end up buying things simply because I'm the one physically able to do that. For him to pay I'd have to suggest it but also physically take his card from his wallet to pay with it which feels odd. He's financially better off than me but maybe as he's grown up always having people do things for him (often by necessity but not always) he's got into this way of thinking through no fault of his own. Like, we've fallen into a semi carer/client role instead of friends. His PA ended up coming with us to dinner once and I could tell my friend wasn't that keen but it was so much better from my point of view, it felt much more like a typical friendship (I have to feed him so having that job taken away helped a lot). It can be really tough to navigate when you appreciate how much harder it must be for them. But I don't think you are wrong at all to want to pull back a bit.

Not the same but I have dietary restrictions so when I go away with friends it does affect things but it's always me researching restaurants in advance, I don't expect them to do it. And I often say, you guys grab a sandwich if you want, I'm going to have to pop off somewhere and grab something else etc.

Just tell her you're all booked up this year and maybe you can plan a short break next year. If you've already just done one trip with her, it's not unreasonable to want to use the rest of your leave for other trips. If you do go on to plan a trip for next year, it might be worth looking online for a travel sight that specialises in finding more wheelchair accessible places?

My DH is disabled and by choosing where we go carefully we have busy active holidays. I simply do not recognise this description of disability.

When someone says “it was always me popping to the shops for minor purchases, which individually seemed too trivial in cost to split, but actually totted up to a significant sum.”

What they are saying is that they paid for the item(s) out of their own money even though it was something that they were both going to benefit from and that since each individual time they did it was a fairly small amount they did not bother asking for half the money from their companion. But over the course of the holiday all those small amounts added up to quite a bit

There is no good reason, from OP’s posts, to assume there was a kitty.

I could be your friend. I have mobility issues and can't venture far, use a wheelchair when needed.
I also could see me being so pleased and engrossed on being on holiday that I might not notice you not having an ideal time.
I would want you to tell me.
You need to tell her that as much as you like her the holiday was too much for you.
Perhaps suggest a long weekend city break next year where you can 'park her up' and go off exploring by yourself.
She will still get a break and your company but it should not be hard work for you. It's your holiday too.

You choose to do what you do for your friends and family but you have the absolute gall to dictate to posters here what they should be doing?

No, you don't get to do that. Posturing behaviour is nauseating and I don't believe the half of what banner-waving posters actually do compared to what they say they do.

If you pick on other posters then expect to get the same back at you.