Don’t want a second limited holiday with friend.

This is it, it’s impossible to know the tone and intention of the friends comments because we weren’t there.

I'm also not sure she was being critical of OP when making further suggestions although I can understand how it might seem that way. I would hope that it was more that having now been on holiday she has realised that certain things would make the holiday not only easier for her but also her companion. Hopefully she will contact a travel agent and discuss needs herself before going away with anyone again.

I didn't say it does mean she is immune to criticism though. For example, most people have been critical that she didn't offer to pay for her share of the shopping. Nobody knows what she is or isn't capable of doing research wise but I can see why she might think OP would be better at it than her given she goes away a lot and she perhaps has never been away since being disabled. Even if she had been good, it is very hard to work out what will and won't work on holiday if disabled as information is often very limited and incorrect. Also, it seems to me that never of them knew the other's needs and there was miscommunication so why just be critical of the disabled person?

@wombat15 having a disability doesn't mean a person is immune from criticism and any that has been levelled at the friend is due to her behaviour, not her disability!
Friend has certain requirements of a holiday, yet made no attempt to research or arrange what she needed and has actually been critical of the OP's efforts. OP is not her personal assistant!
She's taken for granted that the OP will suck up additional costs incurred solely due to her disability. I'm wondering if the friend asked the OP at all whether she had anything specific she'd like to do. Seems she's treated OP as if her sole purpose in this break is to make sure friend had a good time.

She isn't complaining, she just doesn't want to do it again which is fair enough.

I agree. I think some posters experiences on here and opinions reflect looking after very elderly parents who are recently ill and disabled and they think that means they know about all disabled people regardless of their age, disability, or years of experience with that disability.

There are plenty of posters putting in the boot in and criticising the disabled friend too including you. Hopefully the friend hasn't read the comments but disabled people will read this thread and a lot of comments are quite nasty to disabled people in general.

Regarding the friend, yes it would have been good if she had sorted out her own specific needs and requirements but I suspect that if she hasn't organised a holiday before or even been on when while disabled then she didn't realise what her requirements would be herself. Likewise, OP didn't know exactly how hard it would be either. It is something people who are disabled and their partners/family etc gradually learn. A lot of this just came down to miscommunication and lack of experience. It's not OP's fault but it is certainly not the friends either.

People have been speculating on both sides of the debate.

Yes, and quite possibly not very polite about it.

I suspect the friend was more demanding then op originally envisioned.

@exomoon I believe you about your mum. I do not think her issue is about mobility though.

Indeed. I have (shock horror) been in my nail place allll alone for over 2 hours. I am perfectly happy sitting in a cafe (or better still a bar) with a book for several hours while my family goes off to do their thing. The only issue is having one too many and then navigating out without knocking any ankles 😀.

It just seems very odd that the friend can live alone without even visiting carers, but can’t entertain herself anywhere on holiday whilst her companion has a bit of time. But then no two disabled people are the same.

No one has characterised disabled people as unable to do anything themselves.

Every individual is different.

Just because your DH is happy to sit in a cafe alone for hours that doesn’t mean everyone is. Why can’t you accept that my mum would be distressed by it?

@exomoon can you not see her distress is about more than her mobility issues? I have a friend who permanently uses a wheelchair and works. She travels around the country and manages although her mobility is very poor and she needs disabled toilets and a disabled hotel room.
My DH will happily sit in a cafe for a few hours or less and get a taxi back to the hotel.
I hate the characterisation on this thread that anyone with mobility problems is unable to do anything themselves and can never be left alone.

OP has dealt with the situation with minimal drama, her friendship is intact and still posters are putting the boot in and criticising everything she says and does!

The fact that the friend has a disability, doesn't mean she is beyond any criticism - she is the one with specific needs and requirements, yet did nothing to sort them for herself. And then theres the money thing - each of those things is a legitimate reason not to fancy a repeat experience.

I think it's very telling that one sister says she can't holiday again, and the other two haven't suggested taking her on a holiday.

As sad as it might be, I think you need to call time on these holidays with your friend. Time off is so precious, we simply can't spend it doing things we don't really want to do. And this is a situation that sounds like it'll only get worse...

Because she would be alone in a cafe and reliant on me to take her out. She would be distressed to be left alone for hours.

@exomoon of course she is complaining. It is always reasonable to say you will not go on holiday with someone again whatever the reason.

@exomoon Why would you not leave your mum for more than half an hour?
My DH is disabled as was my mother. My DH sounds more disabled than OPs friend. I leave my DH alone in a cafe or similar for half a day no problem while I do something active. He is an adult, he does not need babysitting. I would only not leave him alone if he could not get to the toilet alone, so you choose a cafe with a disabled toilet close to the table.
But unlike you I do not treat someone disabled as a child.

She isn’t complaining about it, she wanted views on whether it’s reasonable to tell her friend she won’t be going on holiday with her again. Which she has now done. So get over it.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? OP says the friend did need help with the sunlounger.

And you can’t leave someone in a cafe all day. My mum is disabled, I would be able to leave her for half an hour but not the whole day.

So your suggestion that OP leave her friend in a cafe and go off and do stuff is very disingenuous.

For someone shouting about care for the disabled, you seem to have little practical experience of what care is needed.

You really need to read the thread, your condescending suggestions and remarks have been made a hundred times before and you’ve added nothing useful.

@2rebecca saying no good deed goes unpunished is a vile thing to say. OP knew her friend can not walk far and takes taxis. If you want an active holiday you either go away with someone who is active or tell your friend you will spend time doing your own thing. OP made her choice and is then complaining about it.

OP claimed she had to be with her friend and could not leave her alone. It turns out that is not true. Her friend could even have travelled through the airport without her help. Disability assistance would have helped with everything if needed. There are even help points to summon help at bus stops, parking points, and taxi drop off points if you can not walk at all. And disability helpdesk is always very close to the entrance.
People on the thread were going on about how the friend needed to hire a carer and the OP never once said her friend did not need a carer.
Her friends disability sounds about the level of someone elderly who can not walk far and can not get down onto the floor or low sunbeds without help. ;pads of elderly people are like this.

I'd say no. It's a shame she's so limited but I don't want to be in a caring role when on holiday. I'd be honest and say I prefer to be a bit more active. Her now wanting more restricted holidays you organise goes under the "no good deed goes unpunished" heading. Different if she was your spouse or an elderly relative but she needs to find someone who enjoys the same sort of holiday she does.

OP mentioned the high level PIP days ago. Referencing stability turning over/getting out of a proper bed versus turning over/getting out of a sun-lounger is a very obvious difference to most people.

The posters who've done nothing but question and speculate, overlaying their own irrelevant experience, have derailed the thread but it's hopefully done now, it's certainly become an echo chamber and pointless for that.

Good for you, OP, you've tried - and been polite in your explanations.