I increasingly resent my in-laws!

Are you really using your sample of 1 person you know to suggest that getting qualifications is a waste of time?

Here’s another sample of 1. I have qualifications too OP, and I’ve never received benefits in my life. I was homeless at 16 too. Worked minimum wage waitressing until 2am each night then went to college all day. No parents on the scene flinging deposits my way. No council house. Went to uni, graduated, forged a career (starting with unpaid internships, relocating three times), paid my student loans, bought a house, paid for my wedding. Just passed my driving test (at nearly 40) because I could finally afford lessons. Next stop is the dentist, to fix my teeth, because I didn’t have the money to go for 20 years.

Stop bloody whining about the system being broken. If you want nice things go and earn them, like almost everyone else (just not the ones you know, clearly).

OP: [moans] AIBU?
PPs: yeah, here’s how you might fix it.
OP: yeah, no, here’s why I can’t do that [moans].

what did you want from the thread, OP? Just some tea and sympathy?

@Time4achangeithink putting “one of the best universities in the world” in quotation marks suggests you think I may be lying about that.

I am not, so you can stand down.

Comparisons and jealousy will never get you the things you want or lead you to happiness. There will always be someone better off than you. Equally, there are more people much worse off than you can imagine. Practice gratitude op. That’s the only way you’ll ever be happy with what you have

This x 100 👏👏👏

you study when they are in bed. You clearly are able to use the internet. You need to find a way.

You didn’t get qualifications and don’t want a mentally taxing role, but you want a higher salary. You didn’t save a deposit, you were gifted it, and still you’re moaning about all the free rent you’re missing out on. And you don’t pay for childcare, your MIL does it.

Stop moaning about how big your life raft is, and whether someone else had a better one, and just learn to swim a bit better.

get more qualifications then.. Thats up to you.

Yes, I do think YABU. I bought in London as a single parent. Yes I was well below the bread line for over 10 years, until I stopped needing to pay childcare. I struggled financially for another 10 years, only holidays were taking a tent by public transport. Now though, mortgage is paid, and I am rent and mortgage free!

Obviously, people on benefits can have far more income than people paying a mortgage, it has always been like that. But it is a long game

OP, I think your last comment really hit the nail on the head: all jobs SHOULD pay enough full time to live off. It's totally reasonable to feel angry about that, and to feel angry that the government subsidises companies to pay less than the living wage and that screws people over because the line of when you can and can't claim has a big effect.

But it's not your in laws' fault. And feeling jealous and resentful of them is not good for your life and family relations. Try to keep the anger where it should be, if you can.

You are way beyond unreasonable.
Count your blessings and stop with the comparisons and the jealousy it's eating you up.

A lot of us have had to work full-time and pay for extortionate childcare. You are doing neither.

Your parents gave you a £10K deposit for a house and you have free childcare. From where I'm sitting you are looking pretty damned fortunate.

Maybe focus on the positives in your own life rather than comparing yourself to those on benefits.

It’s weird that you’ve done that. Focus on your own life. Comparison is the thief of joy.

You own your house!!! Nothing beats that. You have to realise that they will always be reliant on this system due to rent, it may seem great now but when they retire and are on a pension, unless they have contributed to a private pension they will be struggling. You need to try and improve yours and your husbands incomes as the kids get older it will get easier - pay as much as you can down on the mortgage and contribute to any work pensions available. Then you will be doing better and better as you get older. The mortgage gets paid off, ou have good pensions and can enjoy holidays and relax! You are the ones with the aspirational lifestyle.

OP you have so much to be grateful for, maybe just try and focus on that.
You were gifted a deposit for your house, you will eventually own it and be able to pass it on to your kids, or sell up and move somewhere else if you like in the future. You work part time so have more time with your children when they are young, they have a bedroom each.

You need to let go of what your SIL has vs. what you have. It's just different. If your sister ends up with a horrible neighbour there won't be much she can do about it. There are so many people worse off than you.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm renting and will probably never be able to afford my own place, It's so difficult to save a deposit, and I wouldn't get enough of a mortgage as a single person, unless I wanted to live in a shed or something.

@AmesandKe ok let’s leave education off the table.

you have in laws who have children. Your kids (presumably) have cousins to play with. My only child (and I’m an only child) has no such thing. I don’t want more kids (as I work 4 days in a demanding job and have no family support). Would love my son to have some cousins to play with.

seriously: count your blessings otherwise you’ll end up seriously embittered.

Must be because she has twins.

The reality is I don't want a professional job, I like what I do. I like that when I leave work I don't have to do extra work on the evenings, I like that I can live rurally.

Sorry, so what is the problem then?

If you're happy with what you've chosen for yourself, why do other people's lives bother you?

Just because you’re “not smart” doesn’t mean you’re entitled to have your family and the state support you for the rest of your days.

Just goes to show you can be educated at 'one of the best universities in the world' and still be so ignorant.

This is weird behaviour.

Stop it and keep your nose in your own life.