I increasingly resent my in-laws!

I tend to look inward at what I've got and focus on being grateful for it, there'll always be something you don't have or someone doing better than you, comparison is the thief of joy.

👏 well said!

When they're in bed? When your DH is around?

Spend less time working out what others have got and more tube on your own situation.

OP I agree if they are earning close to £40k it’s a bit odd that they are getting help with housing.

I also agree with everyone else that you seem a bit obsessed with their situation, so that you are missing out on the advantages of your own.

I think that’s why everyone is telling you to stop comparing rather than discussing the benefits system.

For what it’s worth, I am a high earner (so work comes home with me at evenings and weekends) in a v expensive part of the country. I see people going on holiday abroad and I can’t afford to do that. I do wonder how they manage their finances to enable them to do that. I think it’s important to remember that everyone has different priorities. My priority is saving money for a rainy day fund as I used all my savings for my house deposit (no family help for me) and will need a safety net for my childcare costs (no family help there either). Other people will allocate their resources differently or have invisible means like family help. And that’s fine!

If you want to change the system, critically analyse the benefits system and apply your vote to a political party that aligns with your point of view. Otherwise, focus on your own priorities and your own resources and aspirations. There is a lot in our lives to be extremely grateful for and it’s best to focus on that :)

Oh just fuck off 🙄

OP, reading your responses makes me think we’re being trolled. In fact, I hope so.

You were given a house deposit and you have free childcare. What the hell are you complaining for? Should no one other than you receive a helping hand along the way? If or once your children are in school, make more money. I won’t list various ideas for this because simply increasing your income isn’t your concern, unless it’s increased far beyond what your family members have and then all will be right again.

Try to be thankful of what you have. It isn’t easy but that’s all we can do. Saying out loud the things you’re grateful for and encouraging your children to do the same is really rewarding. Things like health, family, education…

Said someone who doesn’t understand how the world works.

Stop comparing your life to your in laws. If you don’t like your life make a plan to change it. Obsessing over this will just make you bitter.

And will all these people be saying “Whaaaaah… I haven’t got what my siblings have got and it isn’t faaaaaaaiiiiir!!!”?

Envy is the thief of joy.
Just focus on your own family and stop complaining and comparing as it will make you miserable.

You’re in financially lean years, OP, young children, early years of a mortgage and all bills, etc., but it’ll get easier. Once your children are older and your mortgage is getting paid down, you’ll have more time and money to spend on your home.

I do think it would be nice if your FIL gave you a hand with some decorating given that it’s his profession and he did it for his other child. Perhaps your DH could ask him.

Who knows if the OP will be better off in the future?

Her SIL might get a freebie or inheritance to help buy somewhere too.

And that won't affect the OP or her life either.

This 1000000%

In just a few short years you'll be so much better off than her OP

Plenty do. But the point is that you have choices.

This is exactly what's wrong with this country. You didn't put the hard work in when you were younger to obtain qualifications that could open higher earning potential opportunities. Rather than be open to ways you can do that - you are dismissive and just suggest that all jobs should pay the same.

How do you think other people do it?! Do you think other people don't need or want to spend time with their children?! Do you think other people wouldn't love jobs where they don't need to be mentally taxed or able to come home at night and not think about things?

You are so entitled it's beyond belief but can't even see it because you're grudging the fact someone else is getting more than you.

You're not jealous that they have bigger and better things than you - if that's all it was you could work harder and obtain qualifications to help you get that lifestyle too. Instead you're jealous about the fact they are getting it handed to them "for free" and you are not.

@Thedogscollar is right.

Oh FFS stop bloody moaning about somebody in a nicer house than you.
If you really want a better house study at night for better qualifications to improve your job prospects.
The jealousy is eating you up. It gets more obvious in every post. YOU are bloody lucky in your OWN house which you received a £10,000 deposit for NO strings attached. You have FREE childcare.
There are people who will never, ever have what you have. You have two options:

1. Put up with your lot and stop moaning.
2. Do something about it. Work at night for extra qualifications to increase your job prospects. Plenty of people have done this. It's not impossible you just have to want it.

^^ this
In 25 years you should have paid off the mortgage but your SIL will be paying rent forever. You will probably be able to pass an inheritance to your children.

Nah, I think everyone's out of outrage considering this whiny whinging thread is done at least once a week.

"Yeah but they're gettiiiiin benny fits! and it aint fairrrr!"

I would give almost anything to be in my own house . I lost ours in my divorce and by then couldn't afford to get back on the ladder as we live in the south east. I earn 45k a year and will be saddled with paying private rent in an unsecured private tenancy for the rest of my life . That's &1k a month so will never be able to retire .

Whereas in 25 years you will own your home. You are extremely lucky.

@AmesandKe are you very young?

like, there are always unfairnesses in life. Their life doesn’t affect what you do. Why are you so envious? It’s taking energy you might be using to (I dunno, just thinking off the top of my head) get some qualifications and get a higher salary so you can increase the surface area of the already ginormous support raft atop which you’re so fortunate to sit?