I increasingly resent my in-laws!

You should focus on improving your own life. There will always be someone in a better position that you.
You have a near minimum wage job so this is the life you get on that wage.

The system can sometimes feel mad but I think most people on UC are not loaded. My sister has a brand new council house on a beautiful expensive estate in a posh village. She’s never really worked and has everything paid for by the government. I wouldn’t say she has much money though- she certainly can’t holiday 3 times a year with the kids. I’m really pleased that she’s got her house in such a nice area because before the house swap, it wasn’t so great. There’s no point comparing her situation to mine though. I work and I pay a mortgage but one day it’ll be paid off and I’ll have an asset. I can also move house if I want more easily. I also have more disposable income because I work. I just think there’s no point comparing it all the time. One day your house will be an asset that they won’t ever have.

We all make choices in life, and one of yours was, as you say, not to work in a professional job, so you can enjoy the benefits of leaving work on time, with less stress etc, and you work part time.The flip side of that choice is that you don't earn as much as you might. It's not a terrible choice in the short term, especially while you have young children.
You also chose to give up a council house, for what seems to be good reason, and have bought your own house. You say it is tired, but you can do it up gradually. The benefit of owning your own house is in the long term, and also the flexibility, as you could sell and move anywhere you like in due course.
Comparison is the thief of joy.

I've no free childcare, never have! We have had to pay for childcare for all my DC with no help whatsoever. I Work 40+ hours in NHS....despite having X2 earners in home we only just scrape by each month ...we don't go on luxury holidays or eat out etc etc as honestly can't afford it. We've had to pay our own deposit for our home with no help. The sense of entitlement in op is actually staggering and what is wrong in society today

Your faux pearl clutching about benefits doesn’t wash with me because you’d be doing exactly the same if you were still in a council house. This boils down to nothing but pure jealousy because your SIL ended up with a nicer house than you (through circumstances that were were totally out of her control btw).

From what you’ve said about your earnings and child benefit, you and your husband must be bringing in about £3,500 a month, which isn’t a lot by London or SE standards but more than adequate up here especially if you live rurally with a £100,000 mortgage. There’s no reason you can’t do some work on your house or have a couple of holidays a year!

You have the work life balance you want, free childcare and your own home for which you were gifted the deposit. Most people would kill to be in this position but you’re so blinded by envy and bitterness you don’t realise how to lucky you are.

Your sense of entitlement is hilarious.

You also sound very immature.

Having a mortgage is providing for your future, when you are retired you won't have rent to pay, I understand where you are coming from but long term your much better off

Revisit this in 25 years when you don't have to pay a penny in 'rent' and they still do

"It's not like I don't work!!"

Sorry but you clearly dont work enough hours to live the life you want.

It is appalling how you are speaking about them, Jealousy is ugly and you should be very ashamed

"What would I do about earning during that time? I need to earn money and be present for my kids. "

You work and train simultaneously. Night school, online classes etc. many people do it. I have two small kids and work full time plus completed a degree at the same time. You give up your free time and get your head down for a few years until it pays off and you get a better job. That's the simple answer.

Stop focusing on what other have. You have bought a home which is an accomplishment in itself and will give you more security in retirement.

What you both need to do is up skill to try and get better paying jobs instead of settling and having such a defeatist attitude. It's what everyone has to do to get more money.

What should you be able to do? (serious question)
Only shop in Lidl and Aldi?
Own a car over a certain age/model?
Buy clothes in charity shops?

I got quals of an evening, hard work paid off. Put the work in you'll get the results. When you own your house in the future and they are fucked they'll be jealous of you. Stay in your own lane.

@AmesandKe if you earn too much to get any UC as a family and have a very very low mortgage then I don't see the issue- you must have enough to get by quite easily. The fact your SIL and PIL get more is neither here nor there- one day she won't get payments for kids , comes round quicker than you think and have no assets. I agree I would find it annoying too but I'm afraid that's the luck of the draw - she could easily have been given something like your old house.

I left school at 18 and have worked ever since. Within 10 years I was in a senior professional role and kept climbing. I’m now away half the week for work and doing a degree part time with the OU.

Working 28 hours a week with a partner at home gives you every opportunity to study. it’s a lot more effective that whinging about what others have got.

Because they got lucky by having twins. If they hadn't they could have been stuck in the same awful area as you were.

There a lots of people like you who live where you used to live who would love to be able to get out like you did.

Just count your blessings otherwise you will become embittered.

My parent's priority was to buy a house so we hardly had any new clothes, or toys or holidays etc. Yes, it was tough as a child but they lived in a nice area and so it was worth it.

I live in England so not sure if benefit rules are the same but yes I am surprised they get them on that income considering they presumably have subsidised housing. Are council houses plentiful up in Scotland.

Eventually though you will own your house and money gets easier as kids get older.

I think it’s disgusting personally. And I find your attitude of wanting what they have rather than viewing their entitlement for what it is, even worse.

This is very true OP. There will always be someone with more and always lots of reasons to find it unfair that they do. Life does have a lot of luck and indiscriminate misfortune wrapped up in it. But if you take the longer view it tends to even out: in years from now it could be your SIL posting that they wish they owned like you.

You are human, sometimes you will feel envious twinges, but you need a way of looking big picture and moving on. Getting upset that other people have a better position is a hiding to nothing - because someone always will and you’ll go to your grave feeling put out. Embrace what you have and live and enjoy!

You and your husband are making over 40k a year, OK bit under 40k after tax and NI but still OK, do you get child benefit? You have free childcare and your mortgage can't be that high if you only borrowed 100K.

If I were you I'd go on money saving expert, put up your incomings and outgoings and get some advice as I really think you should be able to afford most of the stuff you are talking about.

I mean this in a positive way as you sound very down but you really aren't in a bad position.

There’s so much you could do to supplement your income OP, you don’t have to be the brain of Britain to do so. You could train in hairdressing or nails and freelance WFH or in clients’ homes, working around your kids.

Focus your attention on your own lack of ambition, rather than what other people have.

OP I think it’s great that you have made a long term choice for yours and your children’s future. Many people run their lives on the sniff of an oily rag when the kids are young — but one day you’ll have a mortgage free house and an asset to pass on, whereas your SIL will have to spend other people’s money to continue to be eligible for benefits and her kids will one day have sweet nothing. Cars depreciate, houses don’t. Soon you’ll be able to take on more hours, might be able to upskill (you may not want to now when shattered with young kids, but as time marches on it’s important to keep your brain active!), and in the long term your life will be better and richer. You are giving yourself choices. Be happy with that.

No two families are in the same situation. You were offered a deposit and because you were living in a bad area, it was the right decision for you to take it and buy a home. Presumably if you compare your current living situation with your previous one things are better for you now? You have more room, a nicer area for your dc to grow up in. That peace of mind is worth a lot, rather than living with the uncertainty of hoping for a house swap (for goodness knows how long).

It's only when you compare yourself with others that it looks less favourable.

Your SIL was very fortunate to get a secure tenancy in a nice house in a nice area. Would that have happened if she hadn't had twins? Her decision not to accept money for a deposit might have been the right one for her. But who knows for the future? In time to come she might wish she'd been able to make a different decision and get on the property ladder.

OU is one of the best universities in the world imo