I increasingly resent my in-laws!

Thinking this way will only get you down. It’s natural and we all do it sometimes but you are not comparing like for like. You can never know all the details. We all make our own decisions in life the best we can with what we know at the time. It’s ok to have doubts with your decision to buy the house was for the best in retrospect but also perhaps look at it again - You like the area much better? Perhaps it does need a little doing up but that could be fun? This house you will own outright eventually, a council house will never be yours, you are always tenant. The advantages of this may not be immediately apparent but they can be huge. The way the UK is going politically, I think you made the right choice frankly.

The reality is that both of you sound like you have quite amazingly lucky positions - to even have the option of a council place suitable for a family is very rare these days. You certainly wouldn’t qualify where I live from the sounds of the finances. To have free childcare, a grandparent both able a willing, that is also incredibly lucky. To have healthy, happy children…. I could go on but you get the picture!

So......you chose to have two kids with a partner who already had kids and a maintenance liability but assume he's the one and you wanted two kids. You bought a house with a gifted deposit, which is functional just not fancy because you wanted a house and a nicer area. You work a job you like with limited hours on minimum wage which you have no intention of changing so this is the career path you wanted. You live rurally where you are dependant on funding a car but you like the area so this is what you wanted.
So in short you have already got everything you wanted?? Your complaint is that your lifestyle isn't more flashy and you don't have more disposable income. But you chose that path, so no point comparing to others who made different choices.

You own your own home which you got financial support with, you get free childcare, and you work part time to be with your children - you’re very lucky.. I don’t really get why you’re so concerned with what other people are doing?

I’ve never had to think about going to the council which is fortunate despite not being handed anything (like a deposit for a house or free childcare) however I do think that the system is there for a reason - for people in need, yes it may be broken some of the time caused by people abusing it and maybe your in-law’s are doing well from it but I’m happy to pay tax to support people who genuinely need the help. You were in the fortunate position to not need council support or housing. You will have an asset that will rise in value giving you equity and you’ll pay off your mortgage..

If you want more money to do ‘fun’ things then get yourself out of debt, get your partner to have an equal share of his children and increase your hours at work.

So you chose to have two children with a man who earns £14 an hour when he's already paying £400 a month for two other children?

That's not your sister's fault; you've just made terrible life choices.

As I high earner who is paying for this party i find it incredibly annoying that your SIL is working only 14 hours and still gets benefits and a council house🙄
Its alright for some!
whereas I work 50-60 hours a week or more so that she can afford to work here and there.
ridiculous.

it is sad that you aspire not to earn more yourself (as in, sad that your employers only pay you not much and you can’t really expect them to pay you better) and instead you are essentially forced to envy someone on benefits.

Would you sleep better if they lost all their benefits suddenly? Would that stop the relentless obsession and resentment? You must realise it’s not a healthy way to spend your time. Please be careful your children don’t pick up on this, it’s a hard habit to break as you well know.

They'll have nothing to leave their kids, so I'd say you're more likely to be the winners long term.

How many cars do you have and can you downsize it?

How much is it + ins + tax + petrol per month?

You knew about the £400 a month maintenance when you got together with this man and when you chose to buy a house with him. You got a massive leg-up from your parents to buy. If you want to improve your living standards, you need to do something about it. You could always go full-time at work. You could undertake some further education to improve your job prospects And don't say you can't because of your children - I did a MSc with 3 kids, youngest 10 months when I started, and not long back working FT after my maternity leave.

Don't let your jealousy consume you! It's not your IL's fault that you are with a man who has to pay for his kids from a previous relationship!

How far away does he work? Could he use a bicycle instead?

The £400 maintenance is a massive drip feed. You’re better off just being jealous of all women who got with men who didn’t already have children.

And a car, try doing without a car

So debt and £400 maintenance, that's your issue.

Humongous drip feed.

Do your in laws pay out £400 child maintenance …..that would be a nice holiday for you all each year….so you probs got more commitments then them

Presumably the in-laws aren’t paying £400pm on maintenance?

It sounds like their income is similar to yours but you made different choices in life and have more commitments.

Maybe downsize the car?

I assume your mortgage is over 5% interest then?

Maybe do a list of income/expenditure to see where you can cut costs or work £ better.

2.5k disposable.

what are you doing with your money OP?

that should be more than enough for an annual holiday and decent car.

Also, it’s not like your in-laws don’t work too!

At 5% a 90k mortgage is around £500pm

Take another £500 for bills, and op is spending circa 2k on what exactly? Hardly the breadline.

you need to look at your spending.

Why should anyone be outraged at a working family having a comfortable home and a few nice things? I do not want anyone, on benefits or not, to struggle.
Im sorry that you are struggling at the moment. I’m a lot worse off than you are as a single parent renting privately! So I get that it’s hard when you see people getting by a bit more comfortably than you are and wishing you had what they have.
But we all need to be looking up at the rich and powerful people in charge who make life more difficult, instead of resenting people on low incomes who have council homes and top up benefits. They are not the enemy. They are doing their best and if you had the choice, you’d do the same things they are doing.

Yes. In the long term you are safer.

Eh? I think you need to 100% decide who and what your anger is aimed at. Shout about it, then put it in a box in a furnace in your head and MOVE ON. How blessed you are to have childcare help too!

I am getting a lot of entitlement from you posts, OP. Although, you don't come across as unkind but fed up and lacking in self-worth. You may never be happy unless you start looking to change your situation in a way that makes you happy.

Are there any training schemes at the supermarket where you work? You enjoy the job so why not try to earn more without too much change … as other posters have said, comparison is the thief of joy. Your sister in law may well be envious of your position as a home-owner. There are very few people in the world who genuinely have a ‘perfect life’, regardless of how it might seem from the outside.