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Original poster

Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

183 replies

Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 18:46

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
QuackaRoo · 19/04/2024 20:05

You're an absolute, utter idiot, to think that pulling out is a decent method of contraception.

It's a good job he's starting to use condoms, you clearly are too irresponsible to procreate any time soon.

Alwaysbloodytired · 19/04/2024 20:03

Me and DH used that method once as I'd run out of pills and we didn't have any condoms.
The result of that one time is now 2 years old!

DonnaBanana · 19/04/2024 20:01

Maybe he just finally thought that he’d like to finish in the proper way and summoned up the courage to do something about it at last

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/04/2024 19:55

If he passes it to you there’s nowhere to hide.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/04/2024 19:55

Sorry @Throwmealemon my first thought was, he’s worried he may have a STD from cheating.

FestivalFun · 19/04/2024 19:54

Throwmealemon

Are you certain you don’t want a baby?

Original poster
Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 19:31

Thank you all for your input. I guess now that we have made the concrete decision not to have kids we do need to take contraception more seriously and condoms seem like an easy choice.

Someone suggested he may have an STD or he cheating. I don’t think that is the case. It just shocked me, mid action and left me feeling a bit confused! Now I’ve thought it through and looked at the statistics I realise it makes total sense and realise we’ve been quite stupid to risk it at all!

OP posts:
queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:15

EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 19:11

its also a great one for getting pregnant... i suspect OP wants to be pregnant, and boyfriend has caught on.

Stop inventing stuff.

I wouldn't be relying on tracking / rhythm but the methodology used by OP is perfectly valid, and doesn't have anything to do with getting pregnant (as they'd obviously be having sex on her fertile days, if it was).

but how does he know they are not? does he take her temp? does he track her app? is he aware of her cycle...

i guess its on her say so? if your child came to you and said that her/him and her/him were using this methond... you'd hit the roof... and this is a pair of grown adults

EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 19:11

its also a great one for getting pregnant... i suspect OP wants to be pregnant, and boyfriend has caught on.

Stop inventing stuff.

I wouldn't be relying on tracking / rhythm but the methodology used by OP is perfectly valid, and doesn't have anything to do with getting pregnant (as they'd obviously be having sex on her fertile days, if it was).

Businessflake · 19/04/2024 19:09

Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 19:00

Basically we don’t have sex on days I am fertile and other days that are ‘safe’ he pulls out. I track my temp and cervical mucus.

Show quote history

That seems a lot of faff when you could just use a reliable method of contraception.

pimplebum · 19/04/2024 19:09

Pulling out when he comes? Are you teenagers from the 50's? Because that was the last time the rhythm method was considered a method of contraception

Absolutely fine to do this if you haven't finished your family and wanting another one at some point

Russian roulette

Firefly1987 · 19/04/2024 19:09

We did toy with the idea of children for some time but more recently have decided it’s just not for us. So yes it makes sense to find foolproof contraception going forward.

Was that you bringing it up and hoping bf would start to come round to the idea?

anothernamitynamenamechange · 19/04/2024 19:09

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:05

for someone who does not want to get pregnant... you sure do a spend a lot of time tracking fertility etc

Show quote history

No, people who DON'T want to get pregnant also track their fertility. It works both ways.
I agree though that he is being sensible by switching to condom use, and its good that he's doing that rather than immediately asking you to go on the pill/take responsibility

fruitypancake · 19/04/2024 19:08

Could it be that as you get older the consequences feel more serious/ would be even worse to get pregnant ?

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:07

Thorfire · 19/04/2024 19:06

Tracking is an excellent way of not getting preggas

Show quote history

its also a great one for getting pregnant... i suspect OP wants to be pregnant, and boyfriend has caught on.

for both of them not to want children, they use the least effective method on earth...

seriously?

karki · 19/04/2024 19:07

He think you'll trap you with a surprise baby.

He's been unfaithful and doesn't want to have unprotected sex in case he passes on an sti.

Yohannsd · 19/04/2024 19:07

Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 18:46

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

If you don't want children then why are you not using contraception. That's massively irresponsible. And to think it's strange that your boyfriend wants to...?

Thorfire · 19/04/2024 19:06

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:05

for someone who does not want to get pregnant... you sure do a spend a lot of time tracking fertility etc

Show quote history

Tracking is an excellent way of not getting preggas

SwordToFlamethrower · 19/04/2024 19:06

He sounds great!

Thorfire · 19/04/2024 19:05

I think the getting pregnant is a red herring here.
All of a sudden, mid session he wants to use a condom when before now he’s been fine with the method you’ve agreed on.

my ex did this (I was on the pill) but then also wanted to use condoms… we broke up soon after.
He was paranoid about Having to commit to me

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:05

Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 19:00

Basically we don’t have sex on days I am fertile and other days that are ‘safe’ he pulls out. I track my temp and cervical mucus.

Show quote history

for someone who does not want to get pregnant... you sure do a spend a lot of time tracking fertility etc

Original poster
Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 19:04

Greywitch2 · 19/04/2024 19:02

Withdrawal apparently has a 78% success rate as a method of contraception.

Yeah. No thanks. That basically means every 1 in 4 times you have sex you risk getting pregnant. Pretty high odds if you DON'T want a baby.

It is playing Russian Roulette with your lives and is frankly silly if you know you don't want to be parents.

This made me look up condom use and I’m shocked that with typical use, it’s only 87%!! Hormonal pill is 99% so probably a better bet actually.

OP posts:
queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:04

Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 18:51

Thank for your thoughts. It was really out of the blue and I wondered if something triggered him into thinking about it mid action.

I'm all for being safe but also have know. fertility issues myself so I guess I feel that we are being safe knowing my chances of conceiving are very low. Even without pulling out.

I do respect his view and we will use condoms going forward.

i was told i would never conceive again! never used protection... and you can guess the rest!!

i suspect you actually do want children, and using this method meant a 'happy accident' would happen and the world would be all rosey for you

YeahComeOnThen · 19/04/2024 19:03

For me the issue isn't that he wants to prevent a pregnancy but that he didn't discuss this prior to being intimate.

It smacks of A Reason that's not good news.

My mind would be thinking he's got someone else & not having to explain to her how you're pregnant when he doesn't have sex with you. Tricky to explain that one!

why won't he have a vasectomy if he's committed to you and neither of you want CG Olsen. Why is he keeping his options open?

Greywitch2 · 19/04/2024 19:02

Withdrawal apparently has a 78% success rate as a method of contraception.

Yeah. No thanks. That basically means every 1 in 4 times you have sex you risk getting pregnant. Pretty high odds if you DON'T want a baby.

It is playing Russian Roulette with your lives and is frankly silly if you know you don't want to be parents.

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