Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

Heard many times from people in maternity clinics!
It's a terrible method if you don't want children.

Surely you’re not in your late 30s and naive enough to think the withdrawal method actually works?!?! I always thought that state of mind was saved for teenagers who inevitably ended up pregnant at 15. Time to grow up OP and practice actual proven methods of contraception if you don’t actually want a child.

I tracked my periods and fell pregnant, even using pull out. I had a termination and am now on antidepressants. Save yourself the heartache, use the condoms x

With accurate temperature tracking to two or more decimal points and new algorithms to interpret data and plot individualised trends, it’s evolved somewhat since then and is used successfully by many - seems to be about as effective as condoms these days. But other methods are still more reliable.

"men should take charge of their contraception if they don't want babies"
Man takes charge of contraception
"he is chetaing"

Can't win eh

We had unexplained secondary infertility. Tried for 8 years for baby number 2. Gave up and used rhythm method. Temping and tracking everything. Now have an oopsie daisy baby. A very wanted oopsie. I must have ovulated early. Which isn't surprising given my age and now knowing that your cycles can change approaching peri

H won't have the snip and I won't do hormones again so using condoms now.

That's a shitty thing to suggest. Poor man just wants to finish the job properly.

Em... I didn't actually realise people still actually use the rhythm method as a type of contraception tbh. I thought it had died out in the 70s!

You'll both enjoy it better with condoms, no need to worry about when to pull out. You can relax and come together.

I'm pregnant with my withdrawal method baby... to be fair it worked for 7 years and I also wasn't against another...

I think you can also get some sperm killing gel to go with the condoms.

Wow you’ve been very lucky not to get pregnant.

That said, something seems odd about the way he’s suddenly decided this after 4 years. Could he be cheating? Or maybe thinking he wants out.

My exH always wanted to use condoms, I realise now he was never faithful to me. Other men been way keener to loose to condoms, which is I suppose what made me realise

What OP is describing sounds to me like the “fertility awareness method” (temperature and cycle tracking) which is 91-99% effective over a year when used all the time. https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/natural-family-planning/#

It is not the same as the withdrawal method at all and is not a roulette, but based on data built up over time. Often I see people on here equating the two, and this is incorrect.

Many people use it completely successfully and the advantage of not being on hormonal contraception (for those who find the side effects outweigh the benefits) can be significant.

That said, neither FAM nor condoms are the most reliable choices if you have both decided you are sure you want to avoid pregnancy.

A general caveat with FAM is that periods and ovulation can become more erratic around the time of peri menopause, making it potentially less reliable for a woman in this situation than it would have been for her hitherto.

I suppose a step up from current practice, should you not want hormonal contraception or procedures, would be to combine the two: condoms on non-fertile days, and abstinence on fertile ones?

Best of luck to you.

Yeah I'd thought he'd been unfaithful and he may have an std

What a sweet caring bloke !

I hope you have a long future together, he is very thoughtful.

Pull out method is like a game of Russian roulette. I think he is being very sensible.

Would an IUD work for you? If he isn't cheating that's a good option. Protects against pregnancy but not against STD

Maybe someone he knows has got pregnant this way and he's realised it's more risky than he first thought 🤷🏻‍♀️

It worked for us for a year (and I've fallen pregnant 3 times v quickly) but it's much less satisfying IMO.

He sounds like a keeper OP - being respectful and hates the thought of putting you through something that would be awful.
Would a coil be an option? You may not be able to have one if you have certain hormone issues but it’s a thought.

Sorry @Throwmealemonmy first thought was, he’s worried he may have a STD from cheating.

Absolutely. Any man who genuinely cared about contraception versus safe sex would have brought it up at the beginning.

You posted because this was you thought. You were probably right. Get tested. Check his phone!

The 22% failure rate is per YEAR, not per shag!

And they're not just using withdrawal. They're using withdrawal + cycle tracking. That's two flawed contraception methods which statistically, (in theory), might well combine to be better than condoms alone.

However if the boyfriend prefers to switch to condoms, as sensible adults in a long term relationship it'll probably be safe enough, it's a perfectly reasonable choice.

However if you definitely don't want to get pregnant, and you don't particularly object to hormonal methods you might want to consider Mirena, which is actually properly reliable.

You don’t want children and yet you use the rhythm method?! Goodness me. He’s being eminently sensible about it by wanting to use condoms again.

I think it's good that one of you has some sense.