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Original poster

Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

183 replies

Throwmealemon · 19/04/2024 18:46

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 22:43

Lippy chips

Loving this as an insult! Stupid, but funny 😀

EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 22:42

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 19/04/2024 22:35

@EarringsandLipstick woah check you out being so cool and bitchy, wouldn't ever expect that from you Lippy chips Grin I hadn't read the rest of the thread when I commented. And it's still my view anyway so I would say it anyway. Now off you trot back to your Mumsnet royalty throne and polish your thread police halo. Twonk.

😂

You're delightful.

CurlewKate · 19/04/2024 22:39

Good for him. If you don't want children then you are insane to rely on withdrawal.

Floppyelf · 19/04/2024 22:37

Newtothiz · 19/04/2024 18:47

He’s right. It’s not a method of contraception. I am very shocked you would think it is. Clearly you don’t want children, so what is the problem? He’s making sure of that. If you do want children then that’s a different conversation.

This

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 19/04/2024 22:35

@EarringsandLipstick woah check you out being so cool and bitchy, wouldn't ever expect that from you Lippy chips Grin I hadn't read the rest of the thread when I commented. And it's still my view anyway so I would say it anyway. Now off you trot back to your Mumsnet royalty throne and polish your thread police halo. Twonk.

CultOfRamen · 19/04/2024 22:31

I would revisit the vasectomy conversation. He sounds pretty sensible and considerate, would he speak to a doctor about it at least? My partner and I used cycle tracking successfully for years but eventually he had a vasectomy which was not nearly as painful as he thought it would be, he enjoyed the terrible fuss I made of him for his ‘recovery’ and we paid to freeze sperm “just in case”. If he’s sure he doesn’t want kids ever it really is the least fuss most effective method

EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 22:27

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 19/04/2024 22:23

It should be called rhythm roulette, not method.

Well done him on making a sensible choice.

How original - you're the very first person to make that comment on the thread

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 19/04/2024 22:23

It should be called rhythm roulette, not method.

Well done him on making a sensible choice.

2024istheyearforme · 19/04/2024 22:06

Well i got pregnant from the pull out "method" and had to have a termination. Never since, I dont want to go through that again.

Justcount · 19/04/2024 21:49

GridlockedKey · 19/04/2024 21:42

I got sterilised. It's keyhole surgery and took 7 minutes. It woke up shortly afterwards and felt fine. I didn't even need pain killers. Although they may have used something for pain during the op.
It felt like period pain.

I don't understand why so many women are resistant to being sterilised.

Because it’s a postcode lottery if your local NHS offers it

Most people don’t have 3/4k hanging around to get their tubes tied. Our local NHS doesn’t even offer vasectomy

Justcount · 19/04/2024 21:48

I’ve got pregnant with a coil

I’ve got pregnant using the withdrawal method

I’ve never got pregnant using the rhythm method (5 years and counting). There’s some proper ignorant women on this thread.

Itsdeepitsblue · 19/04/2024 21:47

Honestly and I know people think ‘yeah right’ but my third dc was conceived with the pull out method. We were just a bit lazy regarding contraception I was meant to have a coil fitted but one thing after another… I tracked my (regular) cycle very well and we only had sex on ‘non fertile’ days & pulled out… &… I got pregnant. I must have ovulated 5+ days earlier than I should have and still now that dc is almost 3, looking back at my cycles app I CANNOT work out how I got pregnant on that day. It happens!!

Beautiful3 · 19/04/2024 21:46

Someone I know who used that method, ended up with an extra 2 children! Condoms are much safer.

GridlockedKey · 19/04/2024 21:42

I got sterilised. It's keyhole surgery and took 7 minutes. It woke up shortly afterwards and felt fine. I didn't even need pain killers. Although they may have used something for pain during the op.
It felt like period pain.

I don't understand why so many women are resistant to being sterilised.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 21:41

but how does he know they are not? does he take her temp? does he track her app? is he aware of her cycle...

i guess its on her say so? if your child came to you and said that her/him and her/him were using this methond... you'd hit the roof... and this is a pair of grown adults

Er, yes?

Ever heard of trust, and a committed relationship?

He presumably trusts her. If she was on the pill, would he need to see evidence of her taking it?

I wouldn't hit the roof if I had an adult child making this choice. If they asked I'd give my opinion. I personally don't agree it's reliable enough if you really don't want children. But it's not as reckless as you are characterising.

WildBear · 19/04/2024 21:39

What's the issue with a vasectomy if he doesn't want children? I had one after two children, it's a very straightforward procedure. As a man, you lose so much sensation with a condom and the smell and the look of the things :-/

EarringsandLipstick · 19/04/2024 21:37

Dancingontheedge · 19/04/2024 21:29

I was raised Catholic. There’s a reason the withdrawal method is known as Vatican Roulette.

Except it's not the withdrawal method being used.

So much misinformation on this thread.

I'm not saying I'd be relying on it, but it's not just 'withdrawing'.

40weeksmummy · 19/04/2024 21:37

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/04/2024 18:53

Everyone I know that has used that method has also got themselves a baby!

Same.

We used this method for 9 years. Never got pregnant. And when we decided we want a baby - I got pregnant instantly.
However, my friend has 3 kids from this.

Quitelikeit · 19/04/2024 21:34

Why can’t you go on the pill

Dancingontheedge · 19/04/2024 21:29

I was raised Catholic. There’s a reason the withdrawal method is known as Vatican Roulette.

Ladyj84 · 19/04/2024 21:29

Nice to hear if a responsible man even tho it's taken a while to figure it

12gum · 19/04/2024 21:24

We use pull and pray also… we would love a baby but have a couple of months until our house is ready. Ultimately we’d be overjoyed if we got pregnant. Not sure I’d use this method if we didn’t want kids

User909333 · 19/04/2024 21:22

Probably because he wants to surer way to prevent pregnancy. The pull out method is a ridiculous method of contraception (if you can even call it that).

C1N1C · 19/04/2024 21:12

Dude has been cheating, potentially got an STD, and wants to cover it up until it's cleared. Then back to pulling out :)

I honestly don't think this is the reason, maybe a 1% chance though.

Franticbutterfly · 19/04/2024 21:11

My surprise baby no 3 was as a result of this. It worked until it didn't. I wouldn't change it though. Point is, your DP is right, it's not a long term plan.

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