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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

209 replies

bamboozlette · 19/04/2024 17:12

DH and DCs have been petitioning for a dog for years. Oldest DC will be off to uni in a couple of years, middle DC is almost 12 and youngest DC is 8. I love dogs but haven't owned one as an adult, and I am honestly very scared of the commitment. We looked into getting a toy poodle (lower maintenance than big breeds) but it seems that small breeds can live up to 18-20 years sometimes... I'm late 40s now, have a health condition that frequently leaves me feeling exhausted and the thought of having to look after an elderly animal when I'm nearly 70 myself sends shivers up my spine. I gave up my career to raise DC and am only just getting back into my stride now, DC say they'll help with the dog but they're all very busy (and I know the novelty will wear off). DH WFH but he works very very long hours, and often on weekends too. He might take the dog on a walk once a day but 90% of the care is going to fall on me. I was raised with dogs and I know it's a great thing for kids but AIBU to shudder at the two-decade commitment at this time in my life? I should add that our family live overseas, we travel for a few weeks a year and we'd have to pay for dog sitters when we travel as we have no in-built support network. Should I just suck it up for the sake of my kids? Everyone we know owns dogs and they seem to make it work so I also feel a but inadequate for even thinking it's too much to add to our plates.

OP posts:
Waffleson · 19/04/2024 17:25

Dogs are a pain, we have family members who have missed family funerals etc due to being unable to get dog care. There are lots of places you can't take dogs. If you don't want one then don't do it.

Original poster
bamboozlette · 19/04/2024 17:25

Deliadidit · 19/04/2024 17:23

I wish more people were as sensible as you when it comes to getting a dog. They really are such a huge commitment and so many rush out to get their beloved pet, only to find out at their and the dogs cost that they take huge amount of hard work, patience and dedication and so many owners fail miserably.

But people make it look so easy, so I feel crappy for not giving my DC what all their friends have. I suppose lots have PIL and parents to watch the dogs but we would have to outsource all the care. I also don't know if it's fair to leave a dog for a month once a year (when we go overseas to see family)

OP posts:
Deliadidit · 19/04/2024 17:23

I wish more people were as sensible as you when it comes to getting a dog. They really are such a huge commitment and so many rush out to get their beloved pet, only to find out at their and the dogs cost that they take huge amount of hard work, patience and dedication and so many owners fail miserably.

Original poster
bamboozlette · 19/04/2024 17:21

wombleberry · 19/04/2024 17:18

You could adopt a senior dog, there are plenty with lower exercise needs and their life is naturally more limited. But if you don't want a dog, don't get one.

I considered this but I have two friends with elderly dogs and both are a HUGE tie (both have extensive medical issues, one is incontinent and the other wakes up every hour at night now). I don't know how I could handle this TBH.

OP posts:
shuffleofftobuffalo · 19/04/2024 17:21

A dog is a bigger commitment than a child as they don't ever grow up and leave home/become more independent.

You are 100% right to stand firm on this if you know the care would basically be down to you and you don't want the long term responsibility.

Original poster
bamboozlette · 19/04/2024 17:20

MuscariFan · 19/04/2024 17:18

Not sure that a Poodle could be considered low maintenance really - certainly there are extensive grooming requirements, even if you outsource that and just keep them clipped it's an admin schedule that needs attention. They are often not great at being left alone, either.

It does sound like this needs much more discussion from the whole concept of any dog at all though, and perhaps it's not for you. Any dog is a big commitment - the payback is when you enjoy it, and if you won't then it's just a pain.

The problem is we won't know if we enjoy it until we try, and it's not something you can just return if it doesn't work out! I suffer from depression so it's 50/50 on whether the extra commitment versus the love would make it better or worse, and no way to know ahead of time.

OP posts:
MuscariFan · 19/04/2024 17:18

Not sure that a Poodle could be considered low maintenance really - certainly there are extensive grooming requirements, even if you outsource that and just keep them clipped it's an admin schedule that needs attention. They are often not great at being left alone, either.

It does sound like this needs much more discussion from the whole concept of any dog at all though, and perhaps it's not for you. Any dog is a big commitment - the payback is when you enjoy it, and if you won't then it's just a pain.

GreenWheat · 19/04/2024 17:18

This is precisely why I am standing firm on not getting a dog. I don't want the commitment of daily walks, and I know it will fall to me once the shine has worn off for my DC. Plus the DC will be off to uni in three years. Stick to your guns!

wombleberry · 19/04/2024 17:18

You could adopt a senior dog, there are plenty with lower exercise needs and their life is naturally more limited. But if you don't want a dog, don't get one.