AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

Please don't get a dog of any age. Just the slightest element of doubt is a massive NO.

@bamboozlette I like the movement of an animal in the house when I'm alone in the daytime, and he is super well-behaved. We got very lucky in that respect.

On balance, as a single parent, I regret allowing the DCs to talk me into a puppy/dog.

It is easier when my partner is here; he adores animals and takes on much of the hidden care (wiping eyes daily, nail clipping, cutting food out of his facial hair that has dried in, wiping his bum after visits outside, administering monthly flea tablets and whatever the schedule is for worming tablets). We all have to clean his paws when he comes in from the garden, and he needs mini baths (legs and face) between grooms in Autumn & Spring when it is wet outside.

Yes, I regret getting him because of the tie, and as others have said, they never grow up and gain any independence like the kids.

But it fills my heart with joy when I see one of the teens racing around the garden with him, wearing him out (when I haven't walked him) and engaging in a wholesome activity rather than being glued to phones.

On balance, I would not do this again. He is a one-and-done animal; if anything happens to him, he will not be replaced.

True, but they often come with massive vet bills as well and, if older than 7 or 8 you cannot get a new insurance at all.

I took very good care of my previous dog so he lived close to two decades but the vet fees would have been totally crippling without the insurance… actually, by then, even the insurance was becoming unaffordable!

You're right that dogs are a big commitment but I do find MN can be a bit extreme when it comes to dog ownership, in all honesty.

That said, if you're already worried about not being able to commit, then it's probably best that you don't get a dog.

Can I just say, woman to woman, and as someone who has two dogs and is a similar age to you… don’t do it

i live my dogs, BUT right now it is really important you start to focus a bit more on what YOU want, and what YOU need next

as a mother, and at your/my age, we have given a lot of ourselves and been putting our family first for years, it has become habit to think of what they want first…

at around 50 life gets very tough, kids are young adults with young-adult problems, husbands can get midlife crisis, redundancy, health issues, elderly parents need our support, friends face life issues such as illness and mental health crisis.

50s is the time for you to find yourself again and figure out what you want to do next, what makes you happy etc. You have given enough.

for me, what makes me happy is long dog walks with my hounds, but you should really only choose this if it is genuinely what you want for yourself, as yes. 95% of the care will fall to you. The kids will do nothing, the husband will find he has other commitments as you are the back-up option snyway

only do it if you really want to. Set clear boundaries. Dare to be the bad guy 😬😁

Have you looked at borrow my doggy? That's a great alternative

Not stupid at all. My DH is one of 3, youngest child being a fair amount younger. MIL got a dog when eldest 2 went off to uni for company for youngest child. She loves the dog but it is such a massive chain now youngest has left. She does go on holidays and long weekends, but finding care for the dog is a bit of a ball ache.

I love my dog dearly, she brings us all great joy.
BUT ..don't do it. Unless YOU have a burning desire for one yourseld, don't do it.
Your Dh is busy, your kids won't want to walk it in bad weather, or when they are teenagers, or before mid afternoon... it will be you, trudging through muddy fields and wishing you weren't.
Plus the cost, the insurance, the vet bills, the worry.
We are lucky in that our breeder looks after out dog when we go abroad to visit our son, otherwise we simply couldn't! Even days out have to be planned... can we take her, do we need dog care? I work part time and pay a dog walker for the afternoon walk those days and my adult son does the morning one... more expense.

I wouldn't be without my dog, but I KNEW I was committing myself to 15 years ..if we are lucky... of restrictions. And the thought of losing her one day is already unbrearable and she's only 5.

Only do it if it's for YOU... they bring more love into your life than you can imagine, but there are a lot of downsides!

I adore my dog. He is (almost) the love of my life-and I have 2 children and a husband! I've never had a dog before. However, he is a huge PITA. His insurance etc is huge, its a worry whenever he is ill, we cant leave him for over 4 hours. We didn't go away for 3 years because no one liked any of the kennels we went to see, and he has a habit of running home if he gets fed up in the park, so we couldn't trust anyone to dog sit in case he tried to make his way home. We did eventually find a kennels, miles away from where we live but run by the parents of someone we know, but the angst of 'Is he OK/What if hes lonely/what if he fights with another dog/what if the woman who ran the kennels who we've known for years isn't actually that nice in secret/ taking his favourite toys and blankets so he didn't get homesick was the level of picking a nursery for my DC! And yes, they never grow up.

Have you thought about fostering a dog for a rescue charity instead? You could do that for a period of time and then see if you want your own dog or not.

That is the reason I won't get one, although I like the idea of it. Expensive paying for kennels whilst you are away, and you can't do things at short notice. Walks with a dog would be great, but not really at all on cold wet mornings.

Honestly I wouldn't get a dog unless you passionately want one. Ours is 12 now and he's incredible and has enriched our lives enormously but I'm never ever having another one. The commitment, the expense not to mention the heartache 😔 you have to really really want one and be aware that you will ALWAYS be its primary carer.

It's completely reasonable not to want a dog.

I don't quite buy that age is a factor when you are in your forties.

Maybe have an honest discussion and ask your do to plan for how he can be responsible for walks etc if he wants the dog?

Could you foster for a rescue for a while? Gives you a chance to see if having a dog would suit your family without the long term commitment

Dogs can add a lot to a family, but often it is the mum of the family to gets lumbered with the extra load
of looking after the dog, in day to day life. You are right to be wary.

You have really valid reasons for not getting a dog. Don't beat yourself up about it.

However, if you are in the region of a Hearing Dog centre, you could think about becoming a volunteer, looking after a puppy or an older dog (like a stud dog). (They would look after it if you went on holiday)

It is a HUGE commitment from the puppy that needs house training and puppy training to the chaos of looking for doggy daycare if needed and building a support network if said dog needs an overnight stay for any reason. Add £200 a month on food, monthly grooming (any poo cross) and pet insurance, inc a monthly vet pet plan, and you are looking at nearly £2.5k a year for 15 years. I have a 3 yr old Cavapoo (mainly poo!), and I adore him, but my goodness, he is a money pit and needs daily walks in all weather + poo picking the garden is the most hated household chore.

Think carefully. I love my dog but will never do this again, it is a game changer on days out too. Do you take the dog or leave him at home? Oh, and the kids are fair-weather looker-after'ers. Never rely on teens! Leave them to let the dog out for his 'last wee', and you will never be able to guarantee the back door is locked!

PS Mine is fine to be left alone, isn't nervous, isn't a barker or a chewer and is very respectful; he never goes upstairs as he has been taught not to, or goes through the bins. He is truly an angel amongst dogs, but still a big commitment

Have a look at the Cinnamon Trust if there is one in your area. They organise short term fosters and dog walking for elderly people who need temporary help with their dogs.

Taking on a short term foster would give your family a good sense of whether or not a dog would work for your family without the up front commitment. And it would help someone else out - win win

The Cinnamon Trust – The National Charity for older people, the terminally ill and their pets

We love dogs. But we are never getting one. Just look at the vast amount of threads on here regarding people on their knees with a dog, largely because they underestimated the commitment/amount of work/fact that no two dogs are the same. Stand firm!

I looked into volunteering doing holiday cover for assistance dogs which seemed like a good combination of being involved with dogs but not doing the 15-20 yr commitment. Although it would have involved a certain amount of training/following their policies etc so it depends whether that would.work for you. We didn't do it in the end for reasons pretty specific to us but might be worth investigating?