AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

Take a good long sniff of the freedom you can smell coming and stop tying yourself in knots over the families flippant desires!
I'm getting the district impression you are taken somewhat for granted, so you need to advocate for yourself strongly!

It would be a massive mistake to get one, and you'll spend 15 years feeling guilty for feeling resentful.

Do not get a dog!
Realistically it will be you doing the majority of the care just when you're getting your freedom back! It's really unfair your family are pressuring you when they aren't thinking of the burden on you only the fun, it's easy to pay lip service to the notion of 'helping' but if the reality of the family logistics means that'll be token at best they're being very rose tinted glasses about it.

I've always had dogs including while raising my young kids, I'm now late 40's and my kids are only just secondary school age... I'm still thrilled I'm dog free as I'm yearning for spontaneity again.

Dogs have to be able to slot in your life or it's a burden to have the responsibility. They are marvellous, I've adored mine and miss them still but the next chapter of my life will be lighter of responsibilities.

I actually think your family are being really unfair, dismissive of the serious thing they are trying to bring about, either they don't understand what they're asking for or they don't value your time, and your valid feelings on how that should spent.

If the kids are that bothered they can do it when they are running their own lives. My DH did, - had always wanted one, we got one when he was in his 30's, he loved it and even he doesn't want another one now!

I think you are immensely sensible! We have had 3 dogs, and my dc have walked them a few times. If wet dh or I, dogs are gorgeous 😍 but a lot of work. All the kennels we use have been good.we have a brilliant one cooked chicken every day. One to one ball play tucked up with a biscuit every night 🌙.

We always had dogs when I was young, after my parents split mum always had a dog, then her last one had very expensive health issues, during covid developed separation anxiety when mum ever went out (even with her partner still at home) and the dog wasnt even old! The dog sadly died about a year before mum retired and she can't imagine ever being tied down like that again
First year of retirement and she has 6 holiday booked most of which aren't dog friendly and she loves being able to do what she wants when with no ties.
So yeah don't do it!!

No way. Hell would freeze over before I agreed to a dog if my Dh already left most of the housework and family work to me. I’d tell Dh he could take those promises ti help and turn them into reality by doing the list of regular tasks I had for him, and no we aren’t getting a dog.

Don't do it.

I have just observed, from a distance, an acquaintance get a puppy, keep it for less than three weeks and then send it back.

In the past I had told her that she was too busy for a dog and that they were hard work. I'd said the first year is an awful lot of effort and not to rely on children & husband to help out at all. They sent it back because its whining and barking was annoying the husband working from home, one of the children was frightened of the puppy biting, they were overwhelmed by crate training, my friend has a demanding job and I'd imagine got highly anxious about making the whole thing work....I'd imagine the toilet training and chewing was out of hand too. They have form for this, they have complained that their current cat is annoying because he miaows for food (🤦‍♀️) and about a decade ago they got two rescue cats and then rehomed them too 🙄

To hear they had sent the puppy back broke my heart and I did judge them, I have to admit. I'd told them numerous times in the past how much of a commitment it was and they hadn't listened! However once they told me that they were getting the puppy I was nothing but supportive. I'm now more compassionate and know they did the right thing to return the puppy as soon as they did to give it the best chance in a new home hopefully.

I say all this having a dog myself. My kids love him but will join me on a walk less than once a week and my husband also adores him but very rarely has time to walk him due to his demanding job and other demands we have on our time. He is all mine and he is a bind but I do love him. I'll probably always have dogs but I might bypass the puppy stage in future by getting a rescue.

I was offered a puppy recently
I said no, because I am aware of the decades of responsibility, cost & I like to travel

I borrow my friends dogs to walk instead

"I wish I hadn't. The level of commitment needed, not being able to be spontaneous about going away, the costs- I resent it all. They have a good life, but I don't."

This with bells on.

I wish I hadn't. The level of commitment needed, not being able to be spontaneous about going away, the costs- I resent it all. They have a good life, but I don't.

Do not get a dog. You have to be 110% committed to having one as they completely take over your life. I can say this with absolute certainty, as we have a miniature poodle. She is a lovely dog but is 24/7 in our lives.

Do any of your neighbours have a smaller, well behaved dog that your DC can walk occasionally? They might even be able earn a bit of money while they do it. Or you can dog sit a well behaved dog for a weekend. You're doing the favour, you can be picky as to the breed!

OP I think if more people approached getting a pet like you are doing, there would be far far fewer doggies stuck in shelters or worse.

if someone has any doubt they may not be able to or happy to care 100% for a pet they shouldn't get one

Just one other thought. Everyone considers the puppy time of life and the difficulties that brings.

Also consider the elderly dog time. Your dog slows, might not manage the stairs or getting in the car, you can't be so active yourself, health issues occur, vet and insurance bills go through the roof, kenneling and old dog seems a miserable thing to do so holidays are complicated, doggy day care might be too much for your pupper, accidents occur in the house when your dog gets sick.

Those are the hard years, not the puppy years....and they can last years and years.

I was lucky enough to have my darling rescue dog for 11 years before she died in August last year.

Every single moment with her was a joy. She was a huge responsibility and needed care, time and attention and we had to consider her at every occasion, holiday and when we were ill. I bloody loved every moment of that. She made us happier every second she was with us and made us laugh all the time. We are still laughing at her funny little ways and sparky personality now.

None of it was a chore. It was just DH and I and we were running our own business so could be with her all the time, then we retired. Our hobbies are all outdoorsy, nature, walking related. Our holidays are camping in the UK. She came along to everything with us, threw herself into it and made it all more fun for us. One of the great happinesses of my life was sitting outside our tent with a glass of wine, the happy dog - fat belly, snoring away in her basket and the sun going down was better than any long haul holiday for us.

We'd waited 30 years to be in a position where we could get a dog. Family and work commitments and our desire to travel put a stop to it before. Then we were ready and able along she came. We spent ages choosing her because we wanted the right match. We loved her so completely and nothing was a tie, responsibility or too much because we 100% wanted her to have the best life alongside us.

My advice to anyone would be don't get a dog until you are absolutely certain, because if you don't have the kind of life that a dog fits well with then yours will change (and you might not like that) for 10 years plus.

Last night I spent the evening looking at dog rescue sites. My God - the number of adult dogs out there looking for homes, dogs with behavioural issues, lack of training issues......it's awful. Poor little buggers.
That's where the 'not thought through' and 'we're not ready' and 'the kids might step up and walk her' dogs end up.

With your updates OP, you absolutely must not get a dog !

The main upside of ours is at least we got him when we were a bit younger, so that he will likely have passed away by the time we are early 60s.

Sorry that sounds absolutely awful and for those concerned rookiedog is well loved and looked after, but DS is 18 now and DH and I should be able to go for spontaneous breaks abroad at short notice, but we blardy can't because of the dog.

I have said to DH that when I retire I will go on holiday with friends instead if we still have dog to consider. We do have dog sitters but it either costs a lot of money and requires pre organisation ( and despite it being primarily DHs dog guess who does that) or full scale tidy of the house for our lovely borrowmydoggy couple to stay.

It sounds like I'm at a not dissimilar life stage to you and decided not to even get another cat for exactly the reasons you describe - currently I'm very tied to home with the kids and all their needs but in even 10 years never mind 20 life will look very different and I just didn't want to take on that length of commitment after spending the last few years caring for an elderly cat as well as the children, the vast majority of the housework, gardening, mental load etc. I loved our old boy to bits and was devastated when we lost him but at the same time it's been lovely having a break from the revolting litter trays and being able to go away without sorting cat care. Stick to your guns, don't get a dog unless you actually want one yourself.

Op I say that because you're only looking for the negatives and also validated all the other pps negatives. You don't know anything about my situation so you can't make assumptions about that 🤷‍♀️

Ultimately if you don't want to get a dog don't get a dog.

However as I said before for dd and I the pros on getting our dog have massively outweighed the cons.

Plus you don't have to buy expensive food and my dog is absolutely fine being left for 4-5 hours if needed.

If you look for the negatives you'll find the negatives.

I absolutely love my dog.
But she drives me insane. I spend a lot of money for her to go to doggy day care and board there when we are on holidays.
Her food cost a fortune per month and I have it delivered on subscription.
As much as I love her and have totally committed to her, I would NEVER get another one.
The responsibility is mental.
I would recommend if you do get a dog, you get them signed up to doggy day care to help if you need to go away. You always need a back up
Good luck 🐾

Massive amount of commitment and cost. I adore my dog and don’t regret getting him but he costs me upwards of £350 a month and someone (usually me) has to administer 8 eye drops a day, 3 times per day (he’s got glaucoma and will go blind). He’s only 7 so years of this to go. The kids adore him, but soon it will be me and the dog as they’ll both be at Uni - moved out. After he goes I’ll have a break from dog ownership but no doubt I’ll have a dog again as I adore having a dog, but I wouldn’t ever pretend it’s not a lot of commitment as it really is