AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

Definitely not unreasonable, I grew up with dogs from the age of 11 onwards, and dearly love them. We also fostered lots of extra dogs. But at the time, my sister and I could walk them together, my dad was much more active and involved with them as well and my mum was in good enough health to be able to help too.
My sister and I moved out to our lives, my dad's work got much more intense and left him less free time and energy to walk the dogs, my mums health declined so she couldn't walk them.
It's really hard work, my sister lives closest and got a dog of her own so she often goes to my parents house to pick up their last surviving dog to walk it with hers.
Holidays, they have to ask their cleaner to live in to look after both dogs, but they're very fortunate to have this set up. Its not an option for many people.
My husband and I considered getting a dog but couldn't commit to it, his family also live abroad so we go away for weeks at a time every year and even though we could potentially rely on my family to look after our dog, I didn't want to push that commitment onto them either.
I dread the day my toddler asks us to get a dog as she adores my parents & sisters dogs.

If you have doubts now, you certainly will if you get a dog.

Vets bills. £££
Kennels. £££
Dog sitters. £££
Expensive dog food. £££
Grooming. £££

Picking up dog poo. 💩Urge making.🤮
Dog aroma in house. Yuk.
Dog paraphernalia around the house? Nooooo.
Dog with anxiety/left in house alone/barking to upset neighbours? Noooo
Dog walking all weathers!
Dog walking when you feel unwell. Nooo

Weve always had dogs but now we love to travel or go out most days. Dogs are a massive tie so we’re not getting another. I say this with a very sad heart.

When your kids have flown the nest and have homes of their own, they can have a dog then! Believe me, however much they tell you they will help with doggy care, they won’t!

Do Not Get A Dog.

OP, I find MN quite extreme whenever dogs are discussed. Getting my dog has been the single best thing I've done since my children were born. He is also a toy breed and is the sweetest loveliest boy there is. He is absolutely no trouble at all, yes there is an expense attached in grooming, insurance, good etc but he is a joy to behold.

My kids have been absolutely besotted and still are. He gets me out and about when my mental health is bad. As he's a toy breed they don't need too much walking as I chose wisely for my circumstances. He will stay on his own for periods of time so I'm not rushing around desperately to get back because he's fine. He's only added to my life.

Also, there is no comparison to babies/children in terms of cost, care etc....my children are a lot messier, high maintenance, shouty than my beloved dog.

Thank goodness! ☺️
Feeling sure of yourself and your right to decline supporting someone else acquiring an additional family member for the fun bits (with none of the responsibility), is infinitely preferable to feeling obligated to subjugate your wishes to prioritise another's.

Oh gosh, OP, please please do not get a dog. The number of women I know who are stuck looking after a dog they resent because their kids and DH begged and pleaded and promised to do all the work…

The “primary parent” in a family should NEVER agree to any pets unless they themselves want the pet and are genuinely happy for it to end up being their pet and their responsibility. Because the person who is at home most and does most of the housework will wind up doing most of the pet-related work.

At times I feel terribly guilty about not getting a dog for my children but I know the care and responsibility would be left to me despite all their protestations to the contrary.

My children are 13, 14 and 16 and in a few years will be in college/working and wont be around to care for it.

We have discussed this a few times since they were young and it always came back to the same fact that I dont want the responsibility. I WFH so I know it will be me spending most of the time around it.

Like you OP I hope that when my children are off in college/working, I will be making the most of my freedom. I dont want the added burden of trying to find someone to care for the dog when I am not here.

You are signing up to care for the dog for up to 20 years. Most shelters in Ireland wont give you a dog if you have children or if you are a first time dog owner so older dogs are hard to get.

@PoochiesPinkEars I guess I just don't get that way of thinking then.

@fieldsofbutterfliesagree, fundamentally op doesn't want a dog.
The idea of some aspects of a dog in your life is nice in a whimsical way, but she wisely is aware that you can't slice and dice the nice bits out of the whole deal (the lovely bits like where they snooze on your knee in the evening), and she doesn't want the full package.

But she isn't sure her feelings her valid, maybe their family dynamic is contributing to that, but self doubt can have multiple causes... and that's why she can't just state it and forget it.

Yes definitely. However, if you’ve never had a dog you can’t imagine the space they take up in your lives. It’s a massive commitment, not to mention the financial side of things.

I spent more time with my dog in the decade I had her than my friend has done with her daughters during the same period.

Dogs don't go to school, visit friends and family for holidays, go to scouts and on camp. My dog was with me 24/7, 7 days a week for over a decade.

Dogs never get to the stage where they can make their own breakfast or bathe themselves. They can't tell you when they feel ill, hungry, cold. You always have to do that for them. There's no development on from those utterly dependent years.

Good dog owners put more thought into the decision about whether or not to get a dog than many people put into having children.

15 years is a large lump out of anyone's life and for that time the dog is 100% your responsibility. Lots of dogs live longer than 15 years. The Queen had a dog that lived to be over 20.

YANBU

The children can get a dog when they become adults where it WILL be their full responsibility, not yours.

I love my dog more than my own life, he's two and my first dog.

But I cannot stress how much of a. Commitment it is.

As per PP - I love him with all my heart, but I will never do this again.

@PoochiesPinkEars but even if everyone on here said they absolutely adored dog ownership, OP still shouldn't get a dog if she's concerned about the level of commitment needed.

I just don't see the benefit in wanting everyone to say how much they regret owning a dog.

Consider this: is your DH keen to keep you tied down now you might get more freedom/restart work?

Don't do it.

I was the driver to get one, now remorse.
I love bones of DDog.
Children do not step up.
Dogs can get behavioural issues that cost hundreds to sort/tue you down massively.

If one part of you is saying no, that's the right answer.

I admire your foresight and the amount of thought you've given this OP
If only all pet owners were like you. Far too many people get pets without thinking about the care they require (and the cost of that care) in old age. So many elderly pets out there let down by their owners in their time of need and left suffering because at some point in time their owner wanted a puppy.

I share your reluctance! My kids are desperate to get a dog, and my DH would do it if I said yes.

I have said definitely not! I would see a dog as a restriction and a responsibility, not a joy. I have spent 10+ years changing nappies, and I am certainly not signing up to picking up every single shit a dog does for the rest of its life. Hell no.

I like the idea of a lovely dog hanging about and long walks on the beach. But I don't want to feed it, pick up its shit, nurse it when it is sick. So there won't be a dog living in my house.

The kids can get a dog when they're older and have their own houses. I'll happily dog sit when they want to go on holiday!

If you don't want a dog then don't get one. As you have correctly stated it will be entirely your responsibility (even if you do get lucky and your DC help out a bit). If you don't want that responsibility then don't get one.

More like, crystal clear op's family are pressuring her and not listening, so she's doubting the validity of her own feelings, hence trying to look under the hood of the lives of actual dog owners so she can see past the facade you glean from things like social media posts.

Nothing wrong with wanting a warts and all, eyes open picture before you make your decision.

If more people were as sensible as op and looked before they jumped the world would be a better place for dogs who often bear the consequences of the kind of thinking her family are doing.

Having a dog is like having a child in many ways.

It's expensive. You can't leave them for long. They can't do anything for themselves. You have to plan travel needs and costs well in advance. They need lots of attention.

OP, your answers to this thread are odd - it's like you want everyone to regret their dogs so that you feel better about saying no to your DH and DC.

It's crystal clear you don't want a dog (and tbh it sounds like you don't even like them) so I'm not sure why you care whether everyone else hates, regrets or adores theirs? Why does it matter?

😆😆😆 give over. A dog is dead well within 15 years and is NOTHING like having a child.

@bamboozlette absolutely pressured by stbxh and my dd who was only a kid but was egged on by stbxh.

I am left with four dogs. I like them. I take care of them. I can't really afford them at all. I struggle to keep up with their exercise needs.

Dcs do nothing to help despite my asking.

Two are elderly now so in a couple of years, they will die. The other two I will give to stbxh as soon as he has proper flat sorted.

Absolutely stick to your guns OP. I wouldn’t be without a dog but I still at times feel completely tied down. Luckily our dogs have always been treated as part of the family and I’ve always been totally committed to their care but I dread to think what life is like for the poor dogs that are bought without full understanding of the years of work and attention that is needed to give a dog the life it deserves.

I love our dog, he's 4. We did get him during covid but after yrs of considering and researching. He has made a massive impact on our family unit.
BUT even though I am happy that I do all the ways etc , probably about 95% of his care, he also has some health issues which flare up and anxiety can be a cause. There's no way we could leave him with a sitter long term and although we are trying to get someone that we can build up tine away, that means ALL our current holidays will be with the dog. This isn't an issue as we love being with him but it is obviously massively restrictive on where we can go and whatwecan do once there (Also gets anxious/overexcited in the car).
Now personally I love having him with me but I know it's restricting what we can do as a family so the kids are missing out.
Don't do it especially if you do not want to do the majority of the care. X