AIBU to think that a dog is too much commitment?

Moon circles, what a lovely post. I've pretty much always had dogs. Some years ago, I had 3 kids living at home,my dog had died,DHs one was 18, we got 2 border collie puppies 6 months apart. My youngest daughter was 18 months old, I worked ft nights nursing.i look back wonder how I did it. We lost one, got 2 more. Lost one almost 18 in Jan 23. Tried rescues, our other BC is almost 9
Thought very long and hard and got a puppy last September. I was doing the night shifts, 3 weeks in, got Covid first time ever.DH 3 Days later, but I have never regretted any of my puppies
. No family support, don't use dog walkers. Don't go on holiday,we moved to near the sea and countryside . We do go out, have a dog flap, and they have a sectioned off piece of garden about 50 feet long. I was an only child,it was me and my animals

Thank you for finding the words that I could not!

The dog my daughter pleaded for lived to 15 1/2, with I would say 98% care and finance from me. Not entirely her fault, college, uni, work etc but I should have stood firm when i said no. (Yes I did love him to bits but I am also telling the truth).

Of course dogs are not children but they need your time, care, love and attention. They need factoring in to any arrangements, just like children.

It's not just the cost of dog sitting, it takes away the spontaneity from any trip particularly if you find someone good low cost that you want to use.

@bamboozlette yes that would make a holiday pricey! If you happen to be in the south west I can give you the number for my dog sitter, she’s in Dorset.

And re a village - you may not have one now but you can easily make one - I have 2 lovely new friends that I met through getting a pup, I met them at training classes. Their pups are the same age and love playing together, so we can sit and chat while the pups wrestle, or help each other out with dog care.

@bamboozlette I get what you’re saying, and I did have the frazzled new mum feeling when she puppy arrived, I was getting no sleep and had to carry her around in a bloody sling the whole time 🤣. Poodles aren’t known as the Velcro dogs for nothing. Like you I’m an attachment parent and despite what ‘proper’ dog people might advise I extended this to the puppy - hence why she slept cuddled up to me in bed from the start, got carried in a sling, never went near a crate and never got left by herself. But it’s resulted in a really confident, very happy little dog who feels very secure in life, and miraculously at maybe 6 months started deciding she didn’t always want to come everywhere with me, and now if I’m going somewhere and she doesn’t want to come she has a certain place of the sofa she sits on with a clear ‘I’m staying here’ look on her face, and she’s happy as Larry. So I think my instinctive attachment dog parenting worked!

re the child and responsibility, well that’s not up for debate. Don’t get me wrong there have been times in the bleak midwinter when DD was adamant she wasn’t walking the dog, I had to lose my shit and turn her screentime off to make her go, but I always won. And now she doesn’t bother trying to get out of it as she knows she’s on a hiding to nothing. So teaching her that responsibility has been good.

There have certainly been moments where I’ve questioned my own sanity in getting a dog, but we absolutely adore her and she’s one of the family now.

My last dog died in 2018 and although I was devastated, I also very much appreciated not having the tie and commitment of a dog for a few years. Then last year, I got a puppy 😬, I have similar aged children to you and it was my youngest in particular who really wanted one, and wore me down. My eyes were wide open, I knew what having a dog entails. I thought the responsibility might be good for her, and be a reason to be out and about away from her bloody phone.

I also have health issues and these have taken a turn for the worse over the last 6 months or so.

Anyway, this is how it’s panned out so far. Puppy arrived in July, was very high maintenance as puppies are, after 1 night in DD’s room she decided she wasn’t cut out for sleepless nights, and transferred the responsibility to me. A good 6 months of being woken up multiple times in the night by a puppy with seemingly the weakest bladder ever followed, I was like a zombie (I have CFS so energy levels aren’t great at the best of times). Countless piddles were done on the carpet, I’m sure it’s more piss than carpet now, despite having bought 2 carpet cleaning machines since pup arrived. But both of those issues have now passed and I have a dog who will go all night sleeping soundly, and not sneak off to urinate on the carpet.

The upshot of this is that pup is very much now my dog, because she has slept with me since the start. And in terms of my mental health, she is brilliant, she’s such a fun little person to have around. I do put my foot down with the walking, as it’s very rare I’m well enough to take her out, so I make DD do that.

I have found a local dog sitter who is brilliant and only charges £15 per night, so going away is pretty straightforward. I do miss her when I’m away but I know she’ll be having a great time and I soon appreciate the time off rather than miss her 🤣. I also have friends with other small dogs of similar ages who get on well with my pup, and we have reciprocal arrangements where we’ll look after each other’s dogs if we need to go out somewhere for the day or whatever.

We started doing agility in October and pup LOVES it, it’s a really nice thing for DD and me to do together and it’s great training/brain exercising for the pup.

Mine is a poodle cross and I agree with others that they are really needy and don’t like being left, but again this is getting easier as time goes on.

It has crossed my mind that there will come a time when it could well be just me and the pup (although who knows as my DC have SEN so probably won’t be moving out particularly young), but I’m ok with that as I think it will be nice to still have my 4 legged child and not a completely empty nest.

I think they’re like children in that there’s absolutely no logical reason to have them, and they definitely do make life harder, but also there’s loads of positives to having them and you will come to love the bones of them, and it makes it all worthwhile.

you are not selfish! you brought up your children... its perfectly OK to want a bit of your own space now

I do feel tied I suppose but I have primary aged children so I am pretty trapped as it is! I have an excellent support network in my family to help if I do need to go to the office (I also WFH) and/or go on holiday so that certainly helps! I am a single parent so all care for my boy falls to me as well as the kids. It's actually made our family complete, we love playing and taking him for walks etc.

I don't feel too bad leaving him but absolutely wouldn't leave him for 6 hours + without someone checking in on him! I do think we baby our pets a bit too much, I'm just as bad but I insist on leaving him alone for periods of time because I do think they need to get used to it.

I would love a dog, and I know my children would too. But I also know that however much I loved it, I would also massively regret it, and that's not fair on any dog.

I don't want to look after anyone else, it's my time now

I find it a massive chore. I'm exhausted already with kids, job, menopause! I just can't stand the commitment of having to do regular walks whatever the weather. Picking up poo, the awful smell, constant cleaning, bathing the dog, grooming, can't go anywhere for more than 4 hours. Constant attention seeking. Fleas! We've had awful awful infestations over the past two years like never before. Cleaning dogs feet every time he comes into the house. The car stinks and has hair all over. The cost of kennels. Having to plan every single time we go out. Massive massive regret. I could go on

You are not being inadequate OP.
My DCs think they would love a dog but it’s a firm no from my DH and I as we know it’d be us that have to deal with 99.9% of the responsibility and I’m afraid that whilst I have nothing against dogs as such, I absolutely do not want the commitment of a high maintenance pet. I literally could write list as long as my arm of the inconveniences having a dog would bring (there was a good post on MN recently from a dog owner listing all the reasons not to get a dog). I don’t feel inadequate for it, just realistic. Don’t beat yourself up OP. Your DCs can get a dog when they’re older (and living in their own home!) if they still want one then 😊

I don’t have a dog but based on my experience of people who have dogs there are three main categories of owners:

• people who have the time and commitment to do multiple daily walks - e.g. may be working from home and don’t have other commitments such as children;
• people who don’t the time and/or commitment and so the dog doesn’t get walked, drives the owners and neighbours crazy with barking, etc; and
• people who have no time but they have others to do all the “heavy lifting” - retired parents, paid dog walkers, housekeepers etc.

Dog is a huge commitment op! Bigger than a child dare I say it..? They will never gain independence! For this reason I’m standing firm on not getting one too. My 2 dc are more than enough responsibility for me!

@bamboozlette every reputable trainer/behaviourist/book/charity I have read or spoken to recommend leaving a dog for 4 hours per day max, regardless of breed. You are absolutely right there.

You may well get individuals explaining that their dog can manage longer than this, or that the dog is fine whilst they are out at work all day with someone popping in at lunchtime to give let them out for a quick wee, but this is unusual and really not recommended.

My partner and I both agreed on getting a dog- he actually pushed for this more than me, I would have waited a little longer due to other circumstances at the time. He adores our dog but has now said he's not sure about getting any more dogs. This is largely due to feeling restricted and having to organise a dog sitter when we want to be out for longer, so difficult to be spontaneous. He is wfh, so by default more of the day to day dog care falls to him. I am mindful to pick up as much of the load as I can around this, which I'd be sceptical would happen in your situation.

I agree. It's one thing to ask opinions, but even when people are saying they're happy they have the dog it's 'but don't you regret xyz?'.

@bamboozlette there are both pros and cons to having a dog, nobody can deny that, it's just an individual decision on whether the pros outweigh the cons for you. It doesn't sound like they do. You do sound like you're trying to convince other people that dogs are an awful hardship though! I don't feel that way about mine, the puppy stage was hard but I really wanted a dog so I got through it. Personally I don't particularly want children and don't really see the appeal. The thought of pregnancy and childbirth, then sacrificing 20+ years of my life caring for them and paying for them, just sounds terrible to me. Presumably you did see the appeal so you had kids. The fact you are glad you had your kids doesn't impact my feelings or decisions, just like the fact I'm glad I got a dog shouldn't sway yours.

But the thing is, people view dog ownership from their own perspective. I don’t really see anything approaching “hardship” in having a dog. If I say how wonderful it is to have a dog, I’m not being dishonest. I’m just expressing my opinion on the subject.

Yes, a dog can be expensive and will certainly limit your spontaneity. For me, those things are just part and parcel of dog ownership and far outweighed by the positive aspects. If you’re not 100% on board with all that having a dog entails, then you definitely shouldn’t give in to pressure from your family. But equally, many people do have dogs they adore and genuinely have never faced any significant problems with them.