To expect DP to not drink once in a while when I'm pregnant?

OP has got negative responses because it sounds strange. If my partner wanted to be a vegan that's their business. OP stated herself that her partner does not drink a lot. A woman's life does alter the most in many many ways no point being delusional about it. OP doesn't have to go along to every social if its bothering her watching others drink. It does read as though OP is alcohol dependant because otherwise why is she so concerned? 🤷

Yes, exactly this. I initially voted YABU because I don’t see why two people should have to suffer less nice non alcoholic drinks when only one has to. BUT, it’s not so much the drinking as the associated behaviour, wanting to stay out much later, getting over tipsy and not considering your feelings at having to be the sober one. It would be ok for him to have a drink if he also recognised it’s not as much fun for you being sober amongst a big party, and suggested leaving a bit earlier or was considerate of you throughout the evening.

So no, YANBU for expecting your DH to be considerate of you during social occasions and understand that it’s not ok to be mr party tipsy late night animal when you’re getting a bit tired and bored. It worries me that he might take the approach that “we don’t both need to stay at home with the baby, you’re the one baby wants so why can’t I go out partying” later on. Hopefully not.

I’m with you @FirstBaby9894. You aren’t asking for the world and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time here.

I got a chronic illness seven years ago and had to give up alcohol due to medication, I have never expected my DH to not drink at social events! It’s difficult at first but you can have as much fun not drinking at social events, or just choose not to go if you really don’t enjoy them atm, it’s really not a big deal.

@FirstBaby9894
Gosh what's with all the negative responses!
Pregnancy is hard! Yes your partner should show solidarity and Yes it's very reasonable to ask him to not drink every once in a while.
I'm sure PP alluding to possible drink problems must be having a laugh.
I'm 29 weeks pregnant, and had IVF so it's been quite some time since I last had a drink, and I wasn't a big drinker at all.. but I miss the social side.. and completely understand you!
Always being the designated driver does get a bit boring.. I'll continue, though, obviously.

I think you should speak to your DP about possibly doing a few sober evenings (maybe not for the wine tasting obviously) I think that's very reasonable

Hope you're pregnancy is OK and these comments haven't driven mad!

Oh for heavens sake, how old are you? The world does not revolve around you just because you are pregnant.

I bet all these people saying get over it and get used to the fact that it's Just You who have to sacrifice are the same people who will be doing All the night feeds, making all the parenting decisions and then taking on all the additional mental load of having a child while OH carries on oblivious as before

Wow! Did you drive a forklift for that massive reach? 👀

The OP is pregnant, not her husband. There is no need for him to 'support' her sobriety unless she has a problem with being alcohol-free.

Hi I do get your point. When I was pregnant with DC1 I raised a similar point with DH. Not to ask him to stop drinking but that we do more activities together that weren't centered around the pub / having a drink. I.e cinema/ bowling which he agreed to.

But a bit of solidarity wouldn’t go amiss would it? Instead of taking advantage of his new designated driver?
Of course he can drink if he wants to, but while his partner is carrying his child it would be thoughtful if he cut back a bit instead of actually drinking more.

Yabu you are pregnant not him.

My thoughts exactly.

YABU because you need to tell him!! Yo said you didn’t mind so of course he’ll drink. If you’re driving; you decide when to leave and he can get a taxi or stay at a friends. I’m a bit surprised you find it so hard or boring to socialise sober; it doesn’t bother me if I’m with my friends.

Yanbu. Yes he doesn't have to etc etc. But if I announced I was on a super strict diet for health reasons (not just because I'd randomly decided to) I'd be a bit peeved if my husband ordered a big takeaway and sat munching it infront of me, while the smell drove me mad, and banging on about how good it was. I'd know I'd be a bit unreasonable to tell him he couldn't treat himself, but a bit of recognition that, for those that enjoy a regular drink, abstaining for a whole 9 months is fucking hard (especially when you can't replace it with other fun things like cured Meats and cheese) would be nice, and people drinking around you just makes it harder.

So if you say "look can we stop for two hours and then go and get dinner" he'd ignore you and get bladdered? He can have a couple of beers and go for dinner

if you're struggling this much without alcohol, how healthy was your relationship with it before conception?

Yeah, yabu.

I chose not to drink at all whilst TTC and pregnant, I wouldn’t have dreamt of telling DH not to drink. Good luck with your pregnancy OP, it’s a very exciting time. Best thing I ever did, having my two DS.

I think YANBU really.
I love white wine and also drink lager so asked DH to only drink red or real ale while I was pregnant.
I had a high risk pregnancy so he didn’t drink in my third trimester in case I needed rushing to hospital with a bleed.
Baby is a joint project and you are doing the work, you get to be a bit unreasonable if you want!

Except she isn’t.

She later said it doesn’t have to be specifically tonight. It could be just occasionally which is more reasonable.

But if it doesn’t matter what night it is, it’s not really about not wanting to be around lots of drinks. Because if he says ‘ok I won’t drink the next time we go out’ then tonight she would be in a room full of drunks anyway. But happy that he won’t drink the next time.

Ok for what it's worth in case you Do read this Op I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!

I bet all these people saying get over it and get used to the fact that it's Just You who have to sacrifice are the same people who will be doing All the night feeds, making all the parenting decisions and then taking on all the additional mental load of having a child while OH carries on oblivious as before... It's ridiculous to suggest that you're a borderline alcoholic just for suggesting that your partner - whose baby you are carrying - cannot once on a night out Join you in not drinking as a show of support, appreciation and solidarity. It's really unempathatic and inconsiderate.

I'm with you.

I think people aren't understanding what the OP is saying. There is fuck all fun being surrounded by drunks every time you go out. All she's asking is for her partner to not be so ignorant of her lack of enjoyment of it!

OP, DH used to drink quite heavily when I was pregnant and it was completely out of character for him. He said it was because I was always the driver etc, but I got heartily sick of it. Yes you may only be 20 weeks but emergencies happen in pregnancy and it's not too much to ask of him not to drink every single time you go out.

I think you're being unreasonable. It sounds like you're miserable so you want him to be miserable too.

I think people are picking your words apart quite a lot here - you’d have got a lot more sympathy posting on the pregnancy boards ❤️

There's also an alcohol dependency board that might be useful to the OP, if she's struggling.

Ah op I sympathise, I was never much of a drinker but it's not fun being the only sober person. I never expected dh to stop drinking but he's like your dh he isn't out getting bladdered regularly either. Dh switched to non alcoholic closer to my due date and when we went out together we just agreed that we'd go home when I got tired and it was never an issue. It's just one of those parts of pregnancy.

Personally I'd have said no to an evening centered around wine tasting. No mocktail is worth £15 and I'd have suggested meeting that friend to do something else nice instead.

If you want him to drive then say so! YANBU to ask if he can share the driving ! Especially if you are pregnant and tired.

And if 2 glasses of wine is nothing, why can't he not have them?
I didn’t say two glasses is nothing- it’s two glasses of wine. You said he’s not getting drunk, so I said why are you ranting about needing a sober partner? And why should he not have couple of glasses of wine? He’s not pregnant.

I've had the most awful pregnancy and I resent the fact that all I can do is work or lie on the sofa, while his life is unchanged and he doesn't even realize it.
this is what is so unreasonable. He’s not pregnant. his life hasn’t changed. Thats just the reality. There’s no need to spoil his fun and resent him, just because you are having a miserable pregnancy. Thats just spiteful and childish.