To expect DP to not drink once in a while when I'm pregnant?

@BettyShagter She said he goes out socialising/drinking 3-4 times a week, every week.

The OP said

He had 2 pints last night, a few pints on Tuesday and a wine on Monday.

I mean it might not be ideal, but I don't think it's deserving of being called "A LOT!" or "huge"?

Then who would look after the baby??

Not everything has to be tit for tat.

I think yabu. No point in both of you going without. My DH drank during my pregnancy, wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask him to stop. I also had a couple of small glasses a couple of times a week.

So long as he returns the favour when the baby’s here and he can chauffeur OP to girls nights out for nine months! Wahey!

YABU you're not pregnant forever. I don't think it's the worst thing if he's enjoying you not drinking do he can have one or two more
drinks but you could set a time to go home at the outset or let him go out alone.

OP normally I would say YABU. You shouldn't stop someone having something just because you aren't. Just like people on diets shouldn't stop partners getting takeaways. And why do you need to tag along on all these socials? Can't you enjoy your own company?

But.. he drinks A LOT! Socialises 3-4 times a week? That's huge. No wonder you are fed up. Hope he knows that will change once kids arrive.

Gently, YABU.
I know it's hard though.
No-one gave me alcohol solidarity when I was pregnant, especially not my partner in fact like yours he used it as an excuse to drink more as he had a designated driver 😬
I had hen dos, weddings etc and went to them all.
Don't cancel the gathering with friends. Do you like hot drinks? You could order a hot chocolate or weaker coffee or tea whilst the others are drinking.
And although it's a Mumsnet absolute sin I think one or two drinks containing alcohol when pregnant very occasionally is fine, especially out of the first trimester. .
I did it. If you have good self control and know what a unit is you are fine.

Controlling.

This clearly isn't just about this one event. It's about him going on nights out constantly and you being abroad at a vulnerable time of your life. He needs to rethink his attitude to going out and drinking, and fast, because you're going to be very lonely sitting at home with a baby without your real mates around you while he's away out on the piss for the 4th time that week.

@Beezknees

surely it’s more martyr like for OP to just suck it up and not say anything if it’s bothering her (as so many people on here seem to be suggesting)

Sorry, but this is ridiculous to me. Certainly never expected it from my partner when I was pregnant. Just seems so petty and martyr like.

@Madamlulu
@BettyShagter

yeah like it’s so easy to just get a whole new friendship all of a sudden 🙄

Agree with this entirely

It's a bit mean spirited of you OP.

My DH has crohn's disease and eats an extremely limited diet (including no alcohol). He's never suggested i should limit myself and when we're out and about will often offer to get me an ice cream knowing he can't get one himself.

I wouldn't want to be with the kind of man who continues merrily drinking when his wife is pregnant. It's just distasteful and a slap in the face. Everyone knows women get the rough end of the deal - I think showing solidarity is the least men can do.

I've had children with two men and both automatically stopped drinking while I was pregnant. I didn't ask or even express any opinion on it beforehand - they just did it because it was the decent thing to do.

YANBU, OP.

Have you spoken to him about it?

I think a conversation framed in the sense of 'I might be being unreasonable but I'm pregnant, uncomfortable, amd hormonal, and this bothers me...' and a decent guy would be open to supporting you.

Whether you are being unreasonable or not is irrelevant, you are pregnant and want a bit of support. but he isnt a mind reader at the same time, and might need a bit more direction into what he can do to support

YABU in my opinion. It's part and parcel of being pregnant and a small price to pay for a healthy baby.

When I was pregnant I was happy that my husband drinking at social events etc, why would you want him to be miserable and not drink just because you were? Let him enjoy it. You'll be able to claim back a few nights of him being a designated driver once baby arrives 🥰

When I was pregnant one of my best friends got married. At a venue within walking distance of my house! I went to their stag do (gay wedding so mixed sex event) and their wedding and had a great time at both despite being stone cold sober. It would have been lovely to have a drink but not being able to didn’t spoil things.

My DC have SEN and if I go out, I need to be able to get back quickly because sometimes I’m needed urgently. That means driving. Always. Last month I went to a 50th birthday celebration that involved drinking at various venues (games hall, pub, then curry house). I was drinking coke all night 😂

Yes it would be nice to drink sometimes and I have an occasional glass of wine at home. But the point is that I still enjoy my friends’ company, even when they’re tipsy and I’m not drinking.

It might be different if they were necking shots but they’re just drinking socially. If you have to drink to fit in, that’s an issue - either with how you socialise or with the friends you choose.

What I find helps is ordering a mocktail. You might not get the buzz of booze but it feels much more fun and special than sipping water.

all I’m saying is there’s a real person behind this post reading all the horrible replies and probably feeling even more vulnerable. But well done on being right I guess

It's no fun being the only sober person in the room.

If you don't fancy it, don't go. That way he can drink and drive.

YABU. If you think it sounds like an awful event, send him on his own.

I think you are being massively unreasonable and actually quite selfish. He’s not going out getting absolutely smashed or out every night.
I do not understand why some people expect their partners not to drink because you can’t. There’s no need for it at all.
You are an adult, just go home on your own when you’ve had enough, why do you need to wait around? I’m sure you are capable of spending a few night at home on your own.

How utterly pathetic. Dictating to him that he can't drink because you can't is just nasty.

Ok, you are not unreasonable to ask your partner to agree that you’ll both go home/leave at xxx time once/twice a week when you’re out and it’s ok to ask if he’ll stay sober too. It seems like the root for you isn’t that he’s drinking, it’s that drinking leads to late nights which are definitely boring and tiring when you’re pregnant.

YAB extremely U to expect him to read your mind on that though! You need to sit down and have a conversation about it! Also, if you’re at all short like me, you won’t be able to fit behind the wheel much longer so he’ll be out of luck then anyway!

Also, what is “a social”? Is like a specific thing where you’re living?