when i met DH his children were all adults, I've never been involved in their upbringing or their care although during the early years of our relationship I helped DH financially supporting said children (a long and complicated story i shall not bore you with).
they all live away from home and have incomes either via paid jobs or benefits. His DSD (so his ex wifes child not his but he sees her and treats her as his own daughter and she calls him dad etc) is getting married at the weekend.
we receive a phone call from DSS number 1 stating that DSS number 2 (they are twins) has had a big bill, has no food and has £40 to last him until next friday and can dad lend DSS number 2 some money. (these are 30 year old adults). upon further questioning it turns out there is no big bill, DSS number 2 has simply been frivilous with his money.
we've had this alot over the years, DSS rings his dad asks for say £10. £20 upto £100 for blah blah blah, and dad just hands over the money, this causes an issue because its OUR money and i have not been consulted. if either of my 2 children asked me for money, i know my DH would be the first to ask why. (i might add that the last request was for £1000 and at the time we were told it was for rent, and when we visited we were greeted by a puppy which we jokingly said i assume this is the RENT you owed, and they laughed and said er yes).
anyway... i know i am rambling! DSS number 2 received a massive refund on some benefit or other, to the tune of about £500 a couple of weeks ago, yet now its all gone.
DH and i have had a discussion, and have agreed that DSS number 2 can borrow £50 which will need to be repaid when he gets his benefits(we dont need the money but its a principle thing) and that we will give him the cash at the wedding. (apprently he needs the money for drinks etc on the day). but I have also stated that this is the last time!
Apparently this is not good enough, the money has to be transfered into DSS number 1's bank account and he will then give it too DSS number 2?
BANK OF DAD is joint money, this lending/giving does not come from DH's bank account, it comes from the joint bank account.
obviously, we would help them financially or any other way if it was life threatening etc.. but these adults need to learn not to run to dad when they want a take away on a friday night?
AIBU in stating that BANK OF DAD is now closed! we will no longer be lending them 'the odd tenner' here and there. they have jobs or benefits, if they have not saved for this event its not really our problem!