adult DSS wants to borrow money

I'm confused. If you have separate bank accounts why are you paying half? Make DH pay it from his own bank account.

DH knows why I'm angry, he knows that he should give his kids (lol i say kids, these people are 30 year olds!), a lecture and he knows that they are telling him Bullshit.. the issue is.. he won't! and thats what really boils my you know what!

Respectfully, this is a Your DH problem as much - if not more - than a lending money or lying problem. If he’s happy to continue to be a mug, that’s his lookout. You may not respect him for it - that’s the problem you need to deal with.

I bet you’d be asking out of concern though…

He has a cheek to say it would have to be something serious to lend your children when his can as whenever and for whatever.

You cant say much to be fair without sounding like a witch but their father is setting them up to be losers all their life if they can laze about and then scrounge for help. This would drive me batty.

I don't think it's none of your business. I would be really annoyed about it as well. However, it sounds like the situation - ie them asking and your husband giving/lending - is unlikely to change. In which case the options are limited to 1. your husband funding the feckless bastards from his own money without your involvement, or 2. from your joint account in consultation with you. Both infuriating, but only you can decide which is easier to live with.

You can’t tell your husband what to do with his money. You can advise your husband to start saving for vet bills and for when he‘s older or gone and can‘t support them anymore because if he continues to support their bad choices/lazy work ethic it‘s kind of his fault that those „adults“ don‘t work and are irresponsible..

This. I lend my adult kids money and every other form of parental support as and when they need it, and nobody, partner or not, would stop me from doing so. If you can't accept it then I suggest separate finances, that way you can ensure that any support offered has nothing to do with you.

I’d tell DH that it’s to come out of his money and it must never come out of joint savings or you’re taking control if it.

The alternative is to tell DH that he needs to talk to them about their total inability to budget and their lying. Or you will, and it won’t be pretty. They would have learned that I was very angry over the deception over the puppy. I think I would have walked out of their house, to be honest, I can’t imagine mine carrying on like that.

You can discuss it but his money is his money. Unless he’s using money you earned, you don’t really get a say.

Presumably it’s only him going without if it’s not coming from your joint account or your account.

You could still dtate your opinion. He‘s enabling them and suppoting bad choices. Someone who doesn’t have £1000 shouldnt buy a dog. What about vet bills? Poor animal with those irresponsible owners!

So keep separate finances with your own savings and disposable monies, and he can enable his waster Ds to his heart’s content

Yes, my M&D bought me a washing machine when I was pregnant they offered, I didn’t ask.

And I didn’t ask for a THOUSAND POUNDS pretending it was for rent and then spend it on a puppy.

I would have been furious after the puppy stunt, made it clear, and shut the bank tight shut right that moment.

Whining for money for a piss up at a wedding? Sell the puppy. He clearly can’t afford its upkeep.

Why hasn’t he got a job?

I think you and your partner should divide your finances a bit more and then it is up to your partner if he gives money to his dc.

I don't think it's wildly unusual to give bits of money to your dc. I was a similar age when my dm helped me afford baby things when I was pregnant and on a low wage. I imagine I'll still want to help out my own dc at that age.

Don't give that workshy waster another penny.

I don’t think there’s another way to handle this, if it’s from his account and not yours, you don’t really need to know, purely to save you the stress. If he wants to enable his children in this way he’s a fool but he won’t stop so try and take a step back. As long as it doesn’t affect you in any way, ignorance is probably bliss.
I lend my ds a few quid here and there, but it is a loan and I get it back. It’s fine, but if he pulled the puppy stunt, I wouldn’t forgive him and he’d never get another penny.

If the savings are joint then you'd both have an equal say. If you couldnt agree then you'd have to do what any couple would have to do if they had a serious disagreement about spending. Divide the money up into yours and his, and each do as they chose with their share. When you marry at a later stage and you both have pre existing priorities then it's often the most sensible way to manage finances. Because whether you or anyone else thinks he shouldn't gift his children, provided he's using his share of the money, that has to be his decision.