Trapped and don’t know what to do

Have you spoke to your ex about it? Have you said you’d like to move? He maybe more amicable than you think?

Where would you stand legally?

Why don't you have any friends in your area? How long have you been living there?

I'm afraid I think it has to be option 3.

I live hundreds of miles from my family and if my husband and I ever split up I will have to stay here until my kids are grown up.

You can't move a small child away from a parent because you as an adult aren't coping with being near your parents. That would be completely unfair on you son.

I agree. You need to use the 50% time when your son is with his dad to build a stronger network for yourself. My parents lived just 35 minutes apart when I was a kid. I still think they should have got it down to walking distance. It's what I would do for my kids to be near their good father if I split with my partner.

Could 50% be made up during holidays?

I agree. It's unfair on your son and his dad to move 170 miles away.

If this was reversed and a Dad was wanting to move 170 miles away, the consensus would be that it's unfair on the other parent.

OP with 50/50 you will have time for yourself to build a life.

Exactly my point she’s lives away for 5 years already she cant just up and leave back to her family taking her son away from his dad

Option 3. It’s hard but you have to put your son first. You need to make some new friends etc.

Your son’s relationship with his father is the priority here.

If you go back ‘home’ in school holidays already, perhaps your parents could do a couple of long weekends to you. There’s barely be a month you don’t see them.

Kindly, moving back to your parents is not in your son’s best interest.

@Patternsonthewater I could honestly have (almost) written your post. Our situation is similar.

My partner (unmarried) and I are very different people. We are nor in love anymore. 2 kids, 6 and 2 year old.
My parents are over 200 miles away, other family spread out, no nearer.

His family are just less than an hour away.

We need to separate but I feel so trapped.

I can't financially afford a 3, or even 2 bed around here - South East, by myself. Back home I could but I couldn't move that far and basically ruin the relationship between the kids and their dad. He's also said that he'd fight it if I moved that far away

I do have some friends around here and I've put effort into forging those friendships but I feel so alone. My best friends and parebts are all in the one place but I can't move there.
Trapped is how I feel too but out of your options the only one that I'm considering is 3.

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone

You’ll find that once you have your own place, and 50% more child-free time, you’ll be much more free to build your own network of friends. It will come.

In a non harsh way you suck it up and accept this is now where you live. I'm in the same boat, I'm away from family and it's a boat or plane to see them but I can't move back as then my DC wouldn't see their dad. Tbh he's a waste of space and unreliable and I think within another year or so contact will break down completely and I'll then be free to move as I please but for now it is what it is. My advice would be to put the effort into accepting the area you live as your home and spend the time making connections and gaining a support network where you are now whilst keeping up with the visits to your family. If you accept this is how it is and stop thinking about living back near family then hopefully life will be easier for you with a new mindset. Apologies as I think I have actually been harsh and that honestly wasn't my intention, accepting the situation for what it is can be very freeing whereas holding onto wishes it was different will only bring you down and that's not good for you or your DS

I think your only option is no 3 unless the father agrees that you move your son, which is extremely unlikely. The courts would not see this as in child’s best interest to uproot him and move far away from his dad. I’m sorry, I’m divorced and I know how hard it is but you must not make any decisions that will look bad on you in a potential court situation.

As was her choice and now it doesn't suit she wants to move a child away from its parent.

If your ex doesn’t agree you will need the permission of the Court to change your sons school. In the circumstances you describe I really don’t think that’s a court case you will win.

The court cannot make you stay in an area you don’t want to live but they can stop you taking your son.

I’m afraid option 3 is your only realistic way forward.

I agree with this!

I also think that you‘ll have more feee time soon and you can use that time to built new friendships in your area! There are more people out there who‘d like more friends, you can even do online dating with a friends OR romance setting.

So many options with 50/50!

I don’t see you have much choice. Your sons dad can (quite rightly) take legal steps to prevent you moving 170 miles away with his child, preventing him from parenting in any meaningful way.

Unfortunately this is the risk that people take when they have a child with someone in a particular location - that location becomes the status quo and you can’t just move without the other parents agreement. Not for years anyway.

Your child’s right to his relationship with his dad trumps your right as an adult to live near your parents. As PPs have said - any practical support your family might offer won’t come close to the 50/50 custody arrangement with your child’s dad. So be honest, you just want to live near your family. Which is fine and understandable but your child deserves to grow up living near his dad more.

You need to find a way to make the best of this and try and establish a positive co parenting relationship with your ex.

shes been living away from them for 5 year’s already.

Third option get your own place and build a life there for yourself. You must have some friends already and as he gets older he will get involved in activities and make friends and you will make friends with the parents thats what i did and life is good my
mum is 450 miles away.

It’s a tough one, but I would say option 3. This is the least disruptive for your son, (he would not have to move school for example).
the other options put you first, not your son, but option 3 is the most child focused.
prioritise seeing your family school holidays etc

Option 4- you all move to your family area (separately)

Option 5- you move half way, or to another place that makes some sort of commute possible

I guess ex will say a flat no to Option 4 and there might not be anywhere mid-way that would suit Option 5. But at least put them on any list for negotiation to show you're considering any and all possible options?

And you'd say the same would you, if op was the Dad, and they'd been living next to the mums family for 10 years?

Option 3 is the only fair option for your DS.

The child will not be damaged by moving, nor deprived of both parents because my suggestion is that the dad move there too.

Sometimes the adult’s needs does trump the child’s. The child will not lose anything, but gain a better relationship with the other side of his family.

I don’t think it’s reasonable for OP to be expected to live away from her family and support network indefinitely because the child has started school there.