Trapped and don’t know what to do

He's a good dad a your son is settled. Build a new life where you are.

Is there any chance of reconciling with your partner? Maybe couple's therapy to give things one last chance? Then if he's open to trying to save the relationship maybe he'd be willing to try moving closer to your parents? It does sound like he's completely checked out though 😔 I feel for you, it sounds an awful situation you're in.

Could you say to him that you moved to
Be beside him and his family. So cld
He change his job and move so
You an be near your parents? It does seem like
He "holds all the cards" . Very unfair. If you moved back to your parents could you get a job. Would you have friends. Could you move halfway back. Somewhere between his dad and your parents. I feel for you OP it's a tough one

@RomeoRivers It is an option but I don't know many people who would agree to move closer to their ex's parents away from their own support network during a divorce.

Why would you make your own life worse if you didn't need to?

Will he not move out? Being unmarried in these situations, with no cohabitation bill in this country, is really really hard

Best option would be you to separate and make a life for you where you are. Do you know other parents, any groups you joined. What the other parents at your DS school like

50/50 after a split doesn’t mean that she hasn’t been his main care giver up until now.

The comments move near your family and that is not in the child's best interests sorry but if you have a child you have a responsibility to stay near the dad also if he is a good one or if he is willing to move then do that

No travelling back and forth, I suggested DP moves with them.

Well if she can persuade her ex partner to move away from his own family and near hers then good luck to her, but if she moves 170 miles away from her child's father then she is the one depriving her child of being able to live near both his parents.

Hmmm… I have some experience of this. I think staying in the area at this point is your son’s and your best option, for now. You two being apart is probably enough without moving him to a different area and school etc. After 10 years you’d hopefully have friends? If your ex is doing 50/50 then you have time to visit family, take your son up every few weekends etc to visit and hopefully they can visit you. And hopefully you can stay in the house and he buy you out?

@RomeoRivers yes. The child will be 'perfectly fine' travelling 170 miles on Friday night traffic every other weekend and having to do the same journey 2 days later. Missing out on 50% of parties (important for primary kids) and not being able to do any weekend activities.

The OP has already said it would be 50/50. So your response makes no sense.

And the child they share will be perfectly fine if they move.

If you read my original post, I was not suggesting that she remove the child from his father. I suggested that they all move, given that up until this point they have been near his family. Does the child not deserve to build a closer relationship with her side of the family too?

I haven’t read all the answers, but in your place I woukd choose Nr 3.
your son’s young relationship with his father is more important than your ADULT support network. Try and find friends locally.
your son’s needs come first, end of!

170 miles is not that bad. It could be worse.

How long is that by rail? Or by car?

Would your ex give you his blessing?

Either way when your son becomes a teen he will be unlikely to enjoy flitting between areas. He will have clubs/football/friends etc

If you moved away when he visited his dad he probably won’t have any friends in the area if you ff 5 years

There is no right or wrong answer but I suppose if you asked yourself what is best for the child that would probably be to stay put

^^this

How can you say that you need your support network but tear your child away from theirs? It doesn't make sense to me.This isn't an uninvolved absentee dad, it's a parent who is involved in his sons life, and who is prepared to prioritise him. You don't get to take your child away from that. Morally or legally.

It's not about her and him anymore, it's about the child they share.

So therefore she should always…? That doesn’t make sense, people are allowed to move. She has already sacrificed her family for his for years, why should she be made to do it forever?

They can reassess further down the line, but it’s normal after a break up to want to retreat back to your safety net.

No, because more often than not, the mother is the main care giver.

Option 3 is the only reasonable one. And start building your local support network.

What were the circumstances around moving where you live now and support network aside, how do you feel about living there? What are people like? Do you think you would be able to build closer friendships with people?

I'm in a similar living situation in that we live almost the exact same distance from my friends and family (I actually just googled and it's 171miles), we are nearby to DP's family and share children together. We are in a good place now and have worked through things but there was a point where I really questioned if we were going to make it and so I faced the same question and still now have prepared myself with what I would do should we split. It took me a long time to decide but I have decided that should we split, I would stay here. DP would not have 50/50 due to his working hours but I would still want to be here and a big part of that is because I love the lifestyle here and what there is to do (we live surrounded by forests and near to hills and beaches, I am originally from the city) hence why I asked my initial question. I also don't have close friends here but I want to start trying to create that for myself.

I understand why people are saying that option 3 is what is best for your son but if you hate where you live, won't be able to build friendships and so will feel lonely and isolated, that won't be any good for him ro grow up seeing. I think you need to weigh up both your needs whilst giving consideration to what you can create where you currently live. If you love where you live, feel like you could make friends with some more effort and time, then option 3 could work.

Option 5 is not an option at all - wouldn't work for school.

@Patternsonthewater the only way you could move nearer to your parents would be if your partner was prepared to move there too.

I think C is the best option. If your DP is a good parent now, and you believe he will carry on bieng one, you already have that support. Are his family who are near giving help at the moment? Do you have reasons to think they will still support EX DP, but won't offer to help if you need it?

Would your ex be willing to be the resident parent?

Because the reality is that he can't stop you moving unless he's willing to be your DS's main carer, not just 50/50.