Trapped and don’t know what to do

You need to do what's best for your ds. And that's probably to stay near his df. Can you work on building a new support network? Otherwise maybe discuss with your ex partner and see if there's a solution that he could accept

Exactly, because if their father moves also, then the child hasn’t lost anything in terms of their support network; unlike a teenager, for whom losing friends and changing schools could be disastrous.

@RomeoRivers I didn't check your post history I just responded to your point of what effect a move has on a child vs. teenager, which you made to dispute my post that moving would give this child unhappiness.

If you read my original post, you will see that I suggested that dad should move too.

Sorry OP but I think you are stuck there for a while. The best thing to do is accept that and focus on how to make things better for you. See if you can organise to see your family a little at weekends/holidays etc. Focus on your health, diet, exercise. This will all make you feel more positive and in control. Maybe book regular zoom family calls - quiz nights etc. Also try to make some friends where you are but accept those friendships will take time. I live away from family. I know it's hard. Good luck.

To imply it's the move which is the problem is ridiculous, it's not moving per se, it's putting a five year old child into a situation where he can only see his doting father by making large and therefore exhausting journeys, or only infrequently.

My friend did this, 268 miles, she moved and married again and is really happy.
Her and her ex would each drive 134 miles to meet and exchange their daughter - a bit of a pain but they made it work.

I move and take DS with me, away from his dad, which would then end in a court case/decision and I may not win that anyway.
I think you are getting ahead of yourself here. It might not end in a court case - or did he put that in your mind? It's difficult but you can make it work - maybe move mid-way between your family and your ex?

As much as I’m sure you’d benefit from the support and it'll be hard being single and away from family, you chose to create a life with this man and he sounds like he’s not a terrible father. You’ve also chosen to create a life for your child in that area. As such I don’t think it would be fair on your child to move and dramatically decrease his contact. Instead you’ll need to find a way to live in that area and build other support networks. That might be easier with shared care and you might also find that you feel less lonely when single, as there is no worse loneliness than feeling that way when with your partner.

Are you an only child?
Are your mum and dad retired?

I would push for them to move to me if the above was yes tbh.

Yes, their extended family are close by where they live but unless they have an aging relative that they care for, you need to be their priority so you can focus on your son's happiness.

If they won't move permanently or to the area, up to an hour away and living with you part time (perhaps they could contribute to your new home) would be a compromise.

Yours and your son's life is about to change hugely and they need to get on and be part of your support.

This.

Moving your son away isn't really an option. If he wants 50/50 and can make it work he can get a prohibited steps order for about £215 if he self represents .. and ask that the court prohibit the child from leaving the jurisdiction (immediate area covered by local court)

The court cannot dictate where you live but they can and will dictate where your child lives. If you move prior to the hearing then you can and almost certainly will be ordered to return him.

You only choice is to seek some counselling if you believe there is any chance of saving your relationship OR move out to somewhere nearby .

I think moving away from DH will be bad for your child and make parenting much harder for you in the long term, especially if your child has SN.

I also think if you split up and have 50-50 your whole life in your current town could transform for the better. You would be able to start new hobbies and make friends with other single mums. You might find it freeing in a way. Do you think this is a possibility? I was raised by a single mum (widow) from a young age and she had a whole gang of single female friends and active social life in a way i don't think she would have if she'd been married.

You put your son first and stay in the area so he can have both parents.

He might not want to though. If he does that's fine, but adults need to put the child first, they didn't choose to be born. If you as a grown adult can't cope without your parents nearby then it's bloody selfish to expect your child to cope with the same!

I suggested that dad move to.

Being moved away from his father could though. When you choose to have a child, you need to do what's best for them and not for yourself. OP is an adult, she can cope. I managed as a lone parent with not much family support. I put DS first.

To suggest that moving would make a 5 yo child miserable is ridiculous. It’s not the same as moving a teenager.

It’s not the same, her son is only 5. Moving to be near his other set of grandparents is not going to ruin his life or traumatise him.

Not at all and a ridiculously simplistic way of looking at things. My mother forced me to move hundreds of miles away from my friends ans family at a critical point of my life with her new partner. She was happy, I certainly wasn't and I fucked off at age 17 to live with my boyfriend.

Miserable child = miserable mother.

As a mum you are rarely more happy than your least happy child.

I disagree.

Happy mother = happy child
Miserable mother = miserable child

The adult's need NEVER trumps the child's need. That's such a selfish attitude.

Whatever support your parents may be able to offer I'd put good money on it not equating to a committed 50/50 co parent!
You said your son is your dp's world.
And your ds loves his dad, your parents can't fill the void that would be created if they were robbed of that.
It is not fair to ask your parents to watch their GS go through that pain and know that some of the onus for trying to ease his suffering falls to them, all while everyone knows that the loss of a loving father is immeasurable.

The least worse damage all round is for you to co-parent with the man who you said is the kind of person who could make that happen, and build yourself a decent life where you are. If your ds is with his dad 50/50 you'll have good opportunity to create a good life where you also get to see your son grow up with minimal heart break.

It didn’t sound like the op and her ex moved to that area together specifically to be with his family. She said she moved there on her own and then met her ex there. So considering it’s somewhere she chose to live independently of him it doesn’t seem a case of needing to compromise as they didn’t decide as a couple that is where they would live.

Because it’s called compromise. If he really cared about her wellbeing, and thus the wellbeing of their child, he would at least consider it.

I understand why some posters think she should stay. But if she really has no one where she lives now and will always long to make a life back home, then I think staying and being miserable isn’t actually in the child’s best interests.