Trapped working from home with toddlers.

OP what about a coworking space? They often have private phonebooths as well as proper desk setups, tea and coffee etc?

You can often get these for cheaper than paying to sit in a coffee shop all day. Could you not do a couple of days in one of these, then wfh on the days the kids are out and work around them on the other day?

Yes your DH should be taking them out some of the time, but it can't be all day every day or that will end up costing a fortune.

Hiding upstairs all day is awful, I go to the office everyday to avoid this feeling trapped.

He should take them out. But for their benefit, not because they're distracting you from your work. That is not his issue to solve while he's doing the childcare and you're wfh.

I used to have this situation. Toddler absolutely could not see me. I just packed up snacks and a thermos and settled into my workspace for the day. DH would deliver supplies if needed.

If you are bothered by noise, get some noise cancelling headphones.

DH and I both wfh and the rule always was that it is first a home. Unless we were on an extraordinarily important conference call, the family did not have to do anything to accommodate.

This. I’ve sympathy for the OP finding it challenging to work but if this was a man saying “I work from home and my wife doesn’t take the toddlers out often enough, I want some peace and also I just think she’s being lazy”, he’d be told on no uncertain terms that he should work in an office or find a co-working space if he wanted some peace to work in and doesn’t he realise how fucking hard it is looking after a one-year-old and a three-year-old, she’s probably on her knees just coping getting through the day, you unsupportive cunt.

Oops, not sure why I thought you were, sorry!

Your DH needs to take them out, for at least half the day, for their own benefit. The kids must be climbing the walls with boredom and energy! And you do need to start enforcing with your kids that you are working.

That’s my thread and I’m actually not a SAHP.

I agree children should be taken out daily but for their benefit, not to enable someone to WFH,

I would tackle that separately to the issue of you working from home full-time.

Because, realistically, even if he took them out everyday, it wouldn't necessarily coincide with the times you wanted to use the kitchen or take your lunch break.

Toddlers should go out most days - maybe not every single day (especially if you have a garden) but most days to the park or something at least. Is he maybe not very confident taking them out? Does he feel a bit left out being a dad at lots of mum and baby/toddler groups?

Interestingly, there's another thread running at the moment from a SAHM who is really struggling because her DH wants to start WFH full-time. The replies there are very much on the side of the SAHP.

Everybody struggled with 2 toddlers when out and about! I had 2 with adhd and autism. At the beach one (to meet friends, I’d never have taken them there on my own) and both boys ran off in different directions while I held their youngest brother.

i could fill a book with the disasters we had “out and about” but children need to go out almost every day.

How does your DH manage staying home all day with a 1 and 3 year old? My DC would be climbing the walls and they are fairly easy going.

Of course it’s their home but aside from your working issues, surely your DC need appropriate stimulation each day?

Then that's a separate issue that OP needs to tackle separately.

Besides, even if he did take them out everyday, there's no guarantee that it would be at times that are convenient to OP who wants to be able to go down and make coffee or have lunch without disturbing them.

Is there no workplace/office you can go to if you’d rather not wfh? It’s unreasonable to expect your dh to be out of the house for large periods of the day.

You should not be a prisoner in your office.
You could go to a coworking place or you get your DH to manage your kids behaviour. If a tantrum starts, distract and praise good behavior when it stops (easier in the older child than the one year old). The more this happens the quicker they will get it.

@fieldsofbutterflies Enough? He doesn’t take them out at all.

Get yourself a decent set of noise reducing earphones so you can concentrate on work better, and a kettle, put a tray with mugs etc in the room you are in so you at least can have a drink, but you need to take a break occasionally, as does your husband, could you take them somewhere local at say lunchtime and he take over so you can get back to work, I do think you need to talk to your dh about getting the kids out for their own sakes, but maybe it's too much hassle for him if you helped it might get you into a better routine. But also start working with your 1 year old my kids knew by 18 months that at certain times i was working and would come to them later.

Prep your lunch in advance and store it in a mini fridge in your office. You could even get a cheap microwave so you could heat stuff up if you wanted.

I get it's not very nice to be holed up in one room of your house all day, but most homes aren't set-up to be full-time workplaces, especially when there's also a SAHP and young children around.

Either he takes them out, or you go out.

He and the kids will feel miles better for getting out even for an hour or so most days. I know it's a faff to get everything ready to go out but the time flies faster and a change of scene really helps. Park, shopping centre, nursery rhyme time, plus he could meet up with other parents?

Imagine a SAHM coming on here and saying their DH didn't think she was taking the children out enough, and organising soft play sessions for her

Sorry, my oversight.

A co-working space with private places for meetings?