Trapped working from home with toddlers.

It's their home too. I think you need to discuss a schedule with dh. Factor in a range of things for him to do and outings for the dc .
Factor in what to do on lunchtime and toilet breaks. Communicate with dh via text , so you each know what to expect.

And get a flask or kettle for your workspace.

But it would benefit all of them, that’s a winner surely.

Are you really happy with doing that every week while he doesn't take them out at all during his time?

It's starting to feel like there's some resentment there and that's spilling over to the issues around WFH.

Well, they’re all different round here they’re not all like that! And it’s still the same space isn’t it? The same slides, same balls, etc etc. it’s great to be outside but they still need some variety on that.

We go to groups (messy play, music style groups) and soft play, library, role play centres, parks (when the weather allows ie never!)

But

My youngest isn’t walking yet. I can imagine some of those will be harder when she isn’t.

Swimming is a no no here. It’s a 1:1 ratio for under 5s.

But it does seem she wants them taken out to benefit her and not for their benefit.

Around here, nurseries are largely indoor/outdoor with free play between both. I go past our local nurseries multiple times a day with my job and the children are always outside playing, whatever the weather.

Is a Garden Shed office an option?

Nursery is largely an indoor activity too, and in the same space. No young child I know would be happy seeing the same four walls five days a week all day, save for the quick trip to nursery and back, unless they were Maris Piper potatoes.

Lots of the activities suggested would be a nightmare with a 3 yr old and 1 yr old with only one adult. Eg soft play - 1 yr old needs to be in baby area, 3 yr old wants to be in the older bits but needs an adult help/keeping an eye. Swimming is possible if shallow pool and 3 yr old confident but the changing would be really difficult. Best options for someone who doesn't sound very confident anyway about going out might be toddler groups suitable for a range of ages, park (but weather dependent and if 1 yr old not confidently walking then might still be tricky)., or popping out to get one item from a shop. Would be easier at eg 5 and 3 to get out and about.

Also, mine needed to go out all the time and still do but I know some kids who are genuinely happiest and easiest to deal with at home.

@fieldsofbutterflies if you can’t understand that taking toddlers out for at least part of the day would lead to the op not being stuck in her office ALL of her working hours, and not being disturbed at least during the times the kids are out, then I can’t help you.

I don’t know why the op is expected to make adjustments like taking a packed lunch, or using headphones, to facilitate her husband to not look after his toddlers properly.

Well it would absolutely be a legitimate concern, whether someone was WFH or not. You can't be a SAHP (male or female) and not take your kids out. They won't be ready for school if you don't.

OP, I'd encourage him to go to local playgroups. Get him to contact your Councils Family Infirmation Service. They should be able to provide you with a list of groups locally in churches etc.

Sounds awful to me when mum is trapped upstairs trying to work and would probably like to come down for lunch etc. It's bad parenting to keep your kids inside for 3 full days a week every week. Unless you have lots planned. These are toddlers they need stimulation and learning activities.

Of course they would. And they're not in everyday - they're at nursery two days a week and presumably go out with both parents at weekends. Three days a week at home really doesn't sound horrendous to me.

Well if OP’s work is upstairs then the husband’s work is with the children, and in my opinion he’s not doing a great job if he’s just letting them roam about all day with no structure and stimulation. Young children need to get out at least once a day, unless there’s a very good reason then it’s just laziness and poor planning not to. we don’t have a garden so we are out a lot in the park or playground etc but even if we did, we’d still be out at classes/library/shops/softplay of a morning. Home for lunch and nap then another outing in the afternoon even if just to watch the trains or splash in puddles. I’ve done it all on really low budgets too when we can’t afford the classes or soft play so that’s no barrier, it’s just part of a day with young children.

A SAHM wouldn't stay in all day every day with their kids. Let's be honest.

I was going to say this. Take lunch as if you were going out to work and a flask. Plus at that age can’t you quietly nip to loo or “surprise!” them by pretending you have just popped in to say hello & use the loo/whatever? Anyway yes if not torrential rain/stormy he will benefit from going out too and maybe now is a good time to suggest gardening a little patch for the children to dig/explore bugs etc. are there any weekly groups he could regularly take them to or swimming maybe?

But (again), that's got nothing to do with her being disturbed while she WFH.

Even if her DH did take them out everyday, she would still get disturbed because they're toddlers and toddlers make noise, have tantrums and are too young to understand that mummy can't play or give them a cuddle when she pops to the kitchen to make a sandwich or a drink.

True although the op said if she is seen or heard by her child then all hell breaks loose so even if he took them out to a playgroup or something every morning for a couple of hours, she would still feel trapped in her office for the rest of the day.

At least half the day?! I agree it’s a good idea to get them out and about daily, but it doesn’t need to be for long periods of time, and actually that’s fairly impractical (where do you take toddlers for hours on end, x3 days per week, every week), not to mention exhausting. Things like playgroups, a trip to the park, running errands etc are good but these are usually only an hour or two at a time.

Once again for those at the back, the op didn’t say the kids aren’t being taken out enough. She said ‘at all’. Yes it’s hard looking after two toddlers. It’s harder if you keep them inside all day!

I'm self employed working from home now, and have been the SAHP (More student/SAHP/Etsy seller combo) in the past. It's a difficult balance and one that had been discussed many times on here and in magazines etc.

The house's main purpose is a home, and IMO the onus is on the WFH person to make the greater compromise, as they are altering the house's use. And we all have days at home with young kids, binge watching Timmy Time or Octonauts. We went out often - zoos, local open air museum, the seaside etc. But these were rarely planned and I preferred a 'see how the day go' approach on nice weather days. I'd have refused to take them out if a child was fractious or the day looked a bit shit.

Can you make an office space outside of the home? In a garage or pimped-up shed? Or hire space in one of those flexi-offices? Maybe get a kettle and mini-fridge in your home office now, and get noise-cancelling headphones/ear defenders (yes I've used them while working).