Trapped working from home with toddlers.

I think you need to compromise a bit. I agree you should work outside the house on 1 extra day- then that can be his chill all day at home day. On the other days I think you should agree that your DH will take the kids to 1 activity each day, maybe one day a soft play or park, the other day to the shops/ library (mine did a singing session like rhyme time), or a class which works for them both. If he doesn’t take them out then tell him he has a choice, you’ll either be in and out of the kitchen and he deals with the aftermath, or he can bring you food and drink on demand!

In all seriousness could you also set yourself up a tea/ snack station upstairs and/ or get lunch when they nap too?

In terms of your wfh it does sound really tough. Some good suggestions but ultimately headphones and kids get used to seeing you occasionally. A workspace is an option if you can’t make it work.

of course Dh needs to take them out every day. That’s normal with young children. Once a day is nothing - could just be library or playgroup for a couple of hours. When mine were 1 and 3 I often took them out twice a day as the days are long and they simply don’t burn enough energy at home!

It sounds like you need a garden office, and DH needs to get them out most days for an hour or two to burn off some of their energy.

Going out and about is important stimulation for young children. It expands their vocabulary, gives a broader range of experiences and socialisation than can be managed with loitering around the house all day.

I think the children need to learn that you work from home though. Packing lunch etc is slightly ridiculous.

My dh has always worked full time from home, and it’s completely normal for my 3 year old.
Mine is now at nursery before lunch term time, and home all day in holidays (we have long holidays here ie 3 months summer, 1 month Easter etc). On days he’s home I tend to try and take him out most mornings 9-12 somewhere so it’s a bit quieter.

We always have lunch together though as a family. Dh stops work and joins us for an hour. After lunch we spend a lot of time in garden, or out locally on bikes/ scooter/ walk in woods. But also some afternoons stay indoors if miserable.

I would make a point of stopping and joining everyone for lunch. And encourage dh to take them outside at least an hour or so each morning, then again he pop out with them at least a walk around block with dolls pram mid afternoon or at least into garden

To be fair @Ponderingwindow there is a difference between ‘constantly out of the house’ and ‘never leaving the house’, even if it is just going to a soft play or tumbletots or something

But I would generally say WFH and preschool children are poor bedfellows.

Personally I can't think of anything worse than being forced out of the house with toddlers every day of the week, lol. As you say, we're all different.

Children do not need to be constantly out of the house. They can learn and grow at home just as well as being out. Sure, occasional outings are necessary, but not daily.

I have never understood the obsession some people have with going out. Is it just because of small homes? Is it because they themselves feel confined at home?

i think it’s a divide, I wouldn’t do it. We live in a flat with no garden though and I have a two year old who was perhaps a working springer spaniel in a previous life. There’s only so much you can do with that indoors. I know that’s the case for lots of my friends with children too. I truly think it’s hugely beneficial to structure your day around being outside at least once. Lockdown was a long time ago, thank god.

Where does it say they do the same things all the time?

I really don't think staying home three days a week is a massive deal.

Doesn’t sound like it, OP says she’s frustrated at listening to them ‘climbing the walls’ when she used to do lots of things with them, plus they have a big garden that isn’t utilised. Yep, the weather has been uteri shite, but there have been patches where it’s more than possible to enjoy some outside time. Or build a mud kitchen or something. Not all of us are lucky enough to have young children and a garden.

It’s a winner if it leads to happiness all round. In my experience it leads to one parent feeling shoved out of their own home and it’s miserable.

Obviously he should take them out some days. But equally if he wants some days at home with them, that should be up to him as SAHP. I only had one day off a week with DS and usually we went somewhere but sometimes we just stayed in and played with Duplo or something. Has OP said all he does is bung them in front of the TV all day? Maybe he’s doing a lot of enriching indoor activities and once the weather gets better, he’ll take them out more.

Is he WFH too?

What's his reason for not taking them out?

Well, no need to do it when at home then. And of course nursery should offer more stimulation and opportunities for activity than being at home. Again, they are not all created equally. I just don’t think it’s particularly beneficial at all for children to do the same things/stay at home all the time, which is what these children are doing 3x a week because for whatever reason, OP’s husband can’t organise taking them out.

OP does outgoings with them both days at weekends, and they get two days at nursery - so they're hardly sat at home seven days a week doing nothing.

I don't think it does DC any harm to stay home 2-3 days a week, to be honest, though I know that's controversial on MN. You can provide plenty of enrichment and activities indoors and in the garden.

Plus, the weather recently has been absolutely horrendous - mud, hail, rain, wind - it's been a really tough winter and there have been multiple threads on here from parents of small DC who are utterly fed up of taking cold, wet toddlers on outings everyday.

If it’s on rotation then it’s not the same every day, is it. That offers more variety than home-nursery, surely you see that…?

Many children go to nursery four or five days a week, so according to you will stare at the ‘same four walls’ - they’re not all ‘Maris Piper potatoes’. Good nurseries will have indoor and outdoor areas, lots of enrichment activities and will take the children the local park and on outings. There’s no reason to believe these children are just sitting like spuds when they’re at nursery.

Surely that applies to going to the park everyday, or to soft play?

Because I'm pretty sure most DC with a SAHP end up going to the same parks, zoos, petting farms and soft plays all the time on a rotation too.