Trapped working from home with toddlers.

I see this as two different issues (and I see some PPs have said the same).

Issue one is that they’re getting in your way and disturbing you while you’re working - to that I say you’re working in their home and should work around them (which could mean getting the little one used to you popping in and out, or working elsewhere some of the time, or taking snacks and kettle into your home office).

Issue two is whether you feel he’s doing a good job as a SAHP and whether he and the children are happy and healthy with their current routine. Would you have any objections to his parenting if you were working outside the home? Can he go back to work and you be the SAHP if you’d be better suited to it than he is?

I would have been a terrible SAHP, personally. Not everyone is temperamentally suited to it. I used to take DS out most days in maternity leave simply because my mental health was so bad and I couldn’t bear being at home all day. But on some days I couldn’t face the world and we stayed in. Maybe he’s struggling and you need to find a different solution together?

Do people really not know how to keep their children active and engaged at home? Do you not play, bake, draw, run around, do puzzles, read, talk and talk and talk some more? Why do people equate being home with being on screens?

I agree. You need to be doing this work in a confidential space. He needs to take the children out if it's not possible for you to work in a designated office at work premises.

I imagine it’s so distracting for you because you’re thinking they’re having a miserable time!

Or just spend the money on being in a cafe, but that’s probably similar to the money he’d spend taking them to soft play or similar- but with soft play you get the benefit of them being tired!

He does need to take them out somewhere most days for their benefit rather than yours!

I do agree that it’s a home rather than an office but when mine were that age I couldn’t have faced a whole day in the house. Does he just happily ignore them, and then leave you to do the then difficult (because they aren’t tired) bedtime?

Does he see himself as just babysitting, ie literally just getting to the end of your work time, rather than parenting, which involves thinking about the stage that comes after?

You are working in their home, don't be so selfish. Rent an office to work in.

As a SAHM my first thoughts are if your partner is coping and if they are ok / happy with this arrangement and if they are feeling depressed or overwhelmed with it all. Some of my lowest ever times have been as a SAHP of 2 young children and sometimes getting out the house felt too overwhelming for me. (I might be totally wrong here though and he could be very happy and just doesn’t feel the need to get them ready and sorted with all the effort it takes when they are contained at home!)

I have a very very similar job, or potentially the same job, and I absolutely cannot work if my little one is at home. That said, I do view that as a me problem and find somewhere else to work.

He's happy with the way things are, though, it's the OP who wants it to change.

I think if this was a thread by a SAHM whose WFH husband was complaining about how she was raising two toddlers alone, she would be getting a fuckton of sympathy tbh.

So is your DH a SAHP? What about toddler groups? I think a 1 year old and a 3 year old may need to attend nursery more especially the eldest DC.

Why can't you just buy a tiny kettle and make a packed lunch?

Near me we have a number of offices that you can hire as one offs or pay a monthly fee for hot desking. Do you have anything like that available to you?

we currently have hot desking in an office space and they have little Booths for online meetings. We have to be on a Monday then it’s personal choice… I go in more in the holdiays

He needs to come up with some structure and routine to his days and that would enable you to plan around. I can't believe he manages to contain the children at home, mine would go stir crazy. He should look into going to toddler groups, library visit, park/woods etc and ideally have something on the morning he can go out to and meet other parents /children. He might find it less stressful than he thinks if he goes to toddler groups as the children will have other playmates. Then do lunch at home.

I can't comprehend how on earth he's staying sane by not going out?! I used to get mine outdoors in all weathers - in the garden, going for walks, toddler groups. They're not getting much of a childhood if he's got them cooped up indoors watching screens all day.... and what's he actually doing while they're climbing the walls......

I think you need to talk to him about it, they'd be getting more development opportunities in nursery full time so he could go back to work if he doesn't enjoy the house husband role.

He should take them out especially as it’s getting warmer. Kids need outdoor time.

if I am seen or heard by the 1 year old, it starts a huge tantrum

The more you hide away, the worse it will be. The one year old needs to get used to you being in the house and not always being in the same room. The more normal it becomes seeing you popping in and out, the less it will bother the baby.

I definitely think out once a day is plenty. Especially when children are still napping.

If you're self employed - use it to join a gym and them work from there. That's what 90% of the people in the lounge at my gym seem to do anyway!

I do think it's a bit different when the WFH parent doesn't have a free office they can use and do have a room away from the family (so not shushing them on calls etc).

Are you happy with how DH is looking after the children, ie not plonking them in front of the TV all day? Some time in the garden is good. Perhaps spend some time at the weekend in it and see if you can get into a bit of a routine going out before lunch or whatever works around naps.

I really don't think anyone should be telling a SAHP that they "need" to be doing at least two activities out of the house each day.

Sorry, I got it wrong when I posted about it originally - the OP isn't a SAHP but was still dreading the idea, lol. I think it's on AIBU somwhere.

It's not good for children to be stuck at home all day. They need an activity each morning and afternoon either going to a local park or just doing some errands or a singalong session at the library. DH isn't doing childcare very well if he's just letting them make do at home with no excursions.

But also he could bring you a cuppa if you need one and you going downstairs would cause problems.

Definitely sounds like 30 mins in the garden is a basic requirement, do they have suitable clothes?

I was wondering if you have a link to the thread? Would love to read- SAHM here with partner WFH full time!

And are they bunged in front of the tv all day while he’s on his phone? Or is ‘climbing the walls’ another way of saying ‘playing noisily because they’re full of energy’? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not arguing they shouldn’t go out - just that it’s not unreasonable to stay in sometimes. Their activities should suit the SAHP and the children’s needs, not be organised with the WFH parent in mind.