Trapped working from home with toddlers.

He doesnt take them out at all? Not even a couple of times a week to local library, park, museum, soft play, child friendly cafe?

He is a lazy fucker. If a woman posted her husband was working upstairs and she was sat downstairs all day with 2 toddlers and never took them out, she'd be given short shrift on MN.

Even when a man isnt pulling his weight he is still deemed The Most Important, judging by some of the ridiculous comments on post.

Well, lots of us do have preferences of wanting to be at home or out and about doing things but the key thing is, you need to strike a balance, and also remember that we generally want to do what’s best for our children above what we might prefer to do. The world is new to them. They generally quite like getting out and seeing bits of it. They learn a lot from being out and about. There are only benefits, really, and I’m sorry but any parent who says otherwise is most likely just putting themselves first.

It sounds more and more like you just have different parenting styles and personalities, rather than he's doing anything "wrong" as such - you hate being cooped up in the house and like being out and about, he's a homebody who is happy with a quieter life in the house.

I actually think it can be good for children to experience both parenting styles. My dad was the outdoorsy/active one when I was growing up whereas my mum preferred to do things like board games or puzzles. I loved both and knew that being with mum meant X and dad meant Y. It was fine.

Right. So. Given your latest post. He's happy because he's on his phone all day whilst they are on screens.
He's not depressed, he's not baking with them/talking to them/whatever else that poster said - he is just a selfish parent who his putting his own desires ahead of his children's well being, growth and happiness.

I don't think you're unhappy because it's hard for you to work from home. I think you're unhappy because you chose badly, don't want to accept that he's a selfish excuse for a parent, and are this looking for ways to deflect so that you don't have to consider that.

So? Everybody wins!

anyway when op says: “part of my frustration is listening to them climbing the walls and knowing how I spent my maternity leave walking, going to groups or even just trips to the shop.” It does seem as though she thinks he’s not making an effort (and so do I).

You're going to have to rent one of those work spaces.
Your home isn't it place of work really.

They're not home all day everyday, though.

They're at nursery two days a week and go out at the weekends.

I never said it should? If working from home isn't "working", then it's on OP to find a suitable alternative, even if that means paying.

If she said her kids were home.all day every day and she only took the kids out of the house on the weekends when her husband was about i do NOT think she'd get a fuckton of sympathy.

I think she'd get told what 95%+ of parents believe which is toddlers need to get out of the house at least once a day and she needs to sort it out.

Her expectation is very reasonable.
She's not insisting they roam the streets from 9am-6pm but honestly a trip to a playground, the ducks, the supermarket, a woodland, a library, a playgroup or softplay is not unusual or unreasonable.

I say this as a mother of 2 under 3 on mat leave with a husband who wfh.
He goes (mostly) unmolested and is left.to do his work. i go out every day for a few hours for errands or whatever

On the one hand I think he should take them out, this is perfectly reasonable. But given that finding low cost activities these days is tricky aside from park etc , you’d probably spend the same on a coworking space, which may work better for you actually. (Providing it has the necessary privacy etc that you need) .

Can you have a kettle/tea/coffee upstairs so you can get a drink?

Can you take a lunch break and all have lunch together before going back to work?

Are your hours set - could you take them for a walk for 30 minutes in your lunch break but then explain you are going back to work.

Try and see the benefits of being home too and if you're not on calls play some music so you don't hear them so much.

You do not need to go downstairs?? Surely you can have a small travel kettle upstairs to make tea/coffee? What else do you need? Whatever it is- take it upstairs. Presume loo is upstairs?

I was going to mention that thread.

One of the replies was along the lines of 'he's working in your home.'

It's the same here.

You are working in their home. It's sad that your partner doesn't take them out but then if he did, chances are , the times won't fit in with your needs

To those that say 'go to a library,' my daughter works in a library and the staff are fed up of all the wfh types who hog the desks for hours on end. Casual users can't get a look in . Senior citizens can't come in to read the newspapers/magazines , AND the wfh folk complain whenever tables are booked out for clubs and societies.

The fundamental problem to me here is that he is an absolutely shit lazy parent.

It is absolutely terrible parenting to not take your kids out.

Yes, it's hard. But if it's so hard that you're incapable of it, then don't have two kids so close together in age. It isn't fair on them if their parent is unable to do anything with them.

It would be far better off for your dc for your dh to accept he's out of his depth, go to work, and get them in a nursery where they will actually do something.

You really cannot be out all day with two little children.

It is as detrimental to them as being in all day is.

if you’re writing reports for court, do these contain confidential information? If so, it may not be appropriate/in compliance with your professional duties to be writing them on our laptop in a public space.

100% this.

Ridiculous and lazy/poor parenting.

Church groups cost next to nothing. I went to one today it had a bouncy castle?! Squash and snacks for kids and a tea /coffee and biacuit / fruit for me.

This is all great but absolutely needs to be balanced with getting out and doing things outside.

Also do bear in mind, not everyone has the facilities to ‘run around’ (SURELY if you want to do that you go outside?!) in their home. Or bake for that matter. Fantastic if you do.

You can also ‘talk and talk some more’ outdoors, and what’s so good about that is that there are always new things to point at and look at and talk about.

i honestly think some parents here are happy to pretend we are still in the middle of the pandemic, no matter how detrimental that might be to their children.

The alternative shouldn't be a public space.

It is a home first, and yes it is hard when they kick off when you come down but you both have to compromise here.

DH should be taking them out for at least part of the day because they need it for stimulation. Yes fine they need down time too so the odd day they might be at home for the day, but in general I would expect them to be out for at least a walk once a day. I don't really see how he's not taking them out just in the normal routine of life - surely he needs to go to the shop, the post office etc sometimes?? And you need to come down to make drinks and just accept the youngest will kick off for 5 mins.

You also need to accept that it is noisy trying to work with kids at home. I wear noise cancelling headphones which helps.

Noise cancelling headphones are a no-brainer while you think about renting a desk / garden office etc!

But it's not an office - it's their home. If she can't work there with two toddlers then it's on her to find an alternative.