Trapped working from home with toddlers.

When my 2 were toddlers I found it harder staying in than going out. I always found they went wild if we didn’t go anywhere. Would do him good to get them out of the house, even just for a walk around the block.

WFH has meant that I've been a significant part of my son's life, where I could of missed out on so much.

Noise cancelling headphones can handle those times where you need to concentrate.
Establishing & you enforcing a no-go area helps too.

Either WFH isn't for you or you need change of your mindset.

@ChasingRainbows8 I had the same job when mine were very small. Obviously the assessments, observations etc had to be carried out during normal working hours, but then the writing (and any reading of supporting documents) I did mostly in the evenings when they were asleep.

Why are people talking in absolutes? It's not about taking your children out all day every day at all. Its about can't be bothered to go anywhere with them, not even a couple of hours outdoors. Slumped around whilst they're on screens. This 'every day' narrative is just lazy cant be asked people swerving the conversation to suit.

Same with people aiming they cant get out of the door with 2 children. Many of us had to, no choice - its about getting up early and getting yourself organised, get yourself ready + pack the DCs stuff before they're awake. Not always easy to do if you're not an early riser and aren't naturally organised but it can be done if you face facts and work on it.

I don't feel children have to be out and 'doing' every single day actually. Home play is alright (not screens all day, however). But never taking them anywhere?! Continue your lazy slob race to the bottom and just go

See this from both sides.

Firstly 1 and 3 isn't easy to take out - but it is possible to maybe he just needs some help to get out. Ie bag packing etc.safe playgrounds that are fenced in. I had a list of places I felt safe at.

Next for you - when I went back to work and my partner took time off my youngest just didn't understand why I was in the office so I used to hide, my partner brought cups of tea up and I had my lunch when the 1 year old napped. Otherwise there would be tantrums. It got easier as he got older.

My husband works from our home office every day and we have a small house.

Toddler in nursery 3 days a week. The other two he has noise cancelling headphones and accepts that our house is our home and toddler has to be free to play and make noise. However, I always make sure we spend the whole morning out of the house. Often we even stay out for lunch and come home after that. It's only fair.

It gives my husband peace and quiet for the whole day because when we come home toddler is tired out and will play more contentedly for the afternoon. If we stayed in the entire day he'd be hyper. It's fair on the toddler to go out because he needs it, it's fair on my husband and it's also fair on me. I don't want to be cooped up with a toddler who's getting more and more wound up as they've not been out for a run around the park and some much needed fresh air.

I would find it very hard to take a 3 year old and a 1 year old out on my own.
Mine are similar in age and because they're both walking and one has ASD, it would be carnage out and about with just one adult.

I would try and stock up as much as you can in the home office. I do the same and have a thermal mug of tea on the go, a glass of water and an energy drink so don't need to go anywhere for a while. Oh and biscuits!

Its not forever, just gotta do what you gotta get through the day :)

I know it would be unreasonable to expect him to be out all day but it's pretty awful that your DH doesn't take the kids out. It's no good for their development or psychological and emotional health to be stuck inside all day. As a one off, sure, but it sounds like he's in a really unhealthy habit of just not bothering.

It's all of it really.

1. He needs to take them out more for all their sakes; a playgroup or class a few mornings and playground or park a few afternoons.
2. Spend lunchtime properly with them if you can; no need to be trapped upstairs but take full advantage of being physically near them.
3. They just love you, so they will yell for you if they think it works. Do a full goodbye as though you are leaving the house when you go to work, and big hugs hello when you "get back".

The NHS recommends 3 year olds get 3 hours of physical exercise including outdoor time everyday. At least an hour should be vigorous exercise. If you are blessed with a big garden it might be fine to achieve this at home. But for lots of families that means taking a 3 yo out daily should be the norm.

If you read my posts, I never actually said I thought it was good parenting. Just like I don't necessarily thing that taking your kids out everyday no matter what is good parenting either.

What I think is important is that DC get a mixture of all kinds of things - days out, days at home and days at nursery, which is what these two are getting. Yes, it would be nice for them to get out everyday, but the weather recently has been appalling - rain, mud, hail, wind - it's felt absolutely relentless and I can't say I would want to be dragging toddlers out in it if I didn't have to.

AIBU has been full of threads recently from parents who are fed up of the weather and who are sick of taking soggy, cold and unhappy toddlers out to the park or to splash in puddles.

Maybe I'm giving the DH too much leeway but honestly, I would wait until the summer months before hammering him for being absolutely useless.

It isn't 1 day a week, it's 3 days a week that these poor 1&3 yo kids are cooped up inside for. And. On screens. Doing nothing else. Not even in garden. Confirmed by op.

Do you really think that's good parenting @fieldsofbutterflies ?

Thanks @Anametolove - I totally agree with what you say about how it's easy to project your own preferences onto your DC as well.

My dad is in his seventies now and still goes out running every day - he very much raised me in the way he liked (lots of outdoor activities, getting mucky etc) whereas my mum preferred the odd day at home (and still does). Neither of them were wrong, just different, and personally I'm glad that my childhood was a mix of both kinds of days.

This. I voted YANBU because, although I would agree with the ‘house first before it’s a home’ and he definitely doesn’t have to tiptoe round you when they are home, he should be taking them out for their own benefit.

I'm not desperate to cling to anything I just don't agree that it's essential for children to be outside every single day, no matter what.

IMO, whether someone is a good parent or not comes down to a lot more than whether they happen to take their child outdoors once every arbitrary 24 hour period.

I have a ndn who never takes her toddler out most days. I find it weird as children that age need to be out and about.

Hopefully OP your DH can come up with a plan together with you. Can you make up a flask of tea?

I'm sorry to burst your narrative that you're desperate to cling to @fieldsofbutterflies, but yes, good parents do take their kids out for fresh air daily.

Very sensible answer @fieldsofbutterflies. DH and I have very different styles; I'm the one who will be outdoors for most of the day with my 3 year old DD on the two days I have at home with her during the week, whereas on the odd day DH is alone with her, they do not leave the flat.
It used to baffle me as she also seems to me to be a working springer spaniel made human who hates being cooped up all day, but actually I've come to realise she loves her TV days with her dad.

Me thinking she goes crazy staying at home all day was actually a reflection on my own behaviour and temperament; because I felt stifled and oppressed staying at home with her for hours on end, I became more snappy and impatient, and as a result our indoor days were much less successful than our outdoors ones.
DH upbringing has also been very different, living in a house with a garden where there were a lot of indoor days with the occasional use of the garden, whereas I was living in a flat that really was more of a base for outdoor days as no space to run around, bake or cook being messy or else. He was living in a village and I in a big city.

So just to say that all this runs a lot deeper than you might think OP, goes back to your own upbringing, what you think is best for your child's development.

Tldr; I'm still firmly in the camp of being outside everyday hugely benefits the child, but realised this assumption had as much to do with my own upbringing and what I think is better parenting than any objective rationalisation based on my child's happiness. It would drive me upset though if I had to witness my DH being 3 days a week without going at all, I would be judgmental of that.

Bottom line: you prob dislike WFH too, which is awful when you can hear your kids, and would be the biggest beneficiary of another solution that doesn't involve you staying at home. Your children are happy with their dad at home for a few days, given the variety of the weekends and nursery for half of the week.

It was harsh, sorry op. I'm just cross on yours and your dcs behalf's.
That stuff you listed he does do, great. It isn't enough. They need to see the outside, see other people, hear other people, climb a tree, jump in a puddle, go down a slide in to a pool, enjoy life, see what it's about. At 1 & 3 they have absolutely no need to be on screens. Maybe half an hour of peppa pig, tops.
There is a poster who is all over this thread who keeps saying inside is fine, but that's only if they're actually doing something!! These kids are not doing anything.

It isn't good enough to say oh he's a different parent to you.

He needs to step up big time.

The reason people should be sahp is to help their kids develop, not to lie around all day on their phones.

@porridgecake Is spot on. He either needs to learn about the needs of young children or he needs a job so the kids can not be raised in an impoverished environment. Fucking over their development isn't on because he doesn't fancy it.

Maybe he needs to get a job. Then between you you can pay for decent child care from someone who understands child development and the need for fresh air, exercise, mental stimulation and socialising.

When does 1 year old nap? Can you not take advantage of that time to come out and take a break?

But they do get out and about - the majority of the week is spent either at nursery or out with OP, who says she hates being stuck in the house all day and is happy to give him a break on weekends.

I would wager that most of us posting on here weren't taken out to activities or libraries or soft play every single day!

He's a shit Dad, OP and that's your biggest issue. Is he just sat with the tv on all day? He won't even let them outside into their own garden? This wouldn't be acceptable if they were dogs...