Trapped working from home with toddlers.

It's their home more than your office so you can't expect them to be quiet. However your dh sounds absolutely useless as a SAHP ( no shame in this, I would have been too), from what you have written it would be better all round for your dh to go back to work and for your dc to go to nursery.

To be honest, it feels more like they should go to nursery more often and he should work to help pay for it (and so you qualify for the free hours for working parents scheme!)
Based on your updates, It's not about taking them out or not, it's about providing adequate education and parenting for your kids. And he isn't doing that if he doesn't do any structured activities with them at all, and just turn the TV on to babysit.
Not letting them out in the garden because he might have to change them if they get muddy?! Come one! The 3 yo in particular must be so bored!

Do you not have garden toys for them? Water table, sand table, balls, a slide? Really nothing? Sack DH and send them to a child minder. These are the most important years for development. He's not remotely doing the job leaving two tiny kids on screens.

My sister used to rent an office space and it made a huge difference to her to give her a proper working environment.

I was in this situation during covid (toddler cared for downstairs whilst I was trapped upstairs). I use to take a flask and all the snacks I needed up with me

The children are here, so don't quite understand the "don't have them so close together" comment, hardly helpful?

I can't work from home with my seven year old dotting about he is by nature very loud and the constant questions asking me to play take me out of my stride. People are right in that it's their home but your husband does need to take them out for fresh air and stimulation. He also needs a break throughout the day for himself too. Either way you are all trying your best I think it's just difficult with two babies.

He should taken them out sometimes but you may need to find a better way to work. Can you go into the office in those days? We only have to go in half the week but I find I get more done going in.

Otherwise a coffee shop?

I work in legal and it's not that difficult to work confidentially if you go somewhere that isn't too busy, where no one can sit behind you and see your screen and you don't say party names and identifying info during calls.

It’s on him to ensure they get some fresh air every day! Staying in all day is not good for anyone in this equation.

Well, the only person who appears to be actively unhappy about it is the OP.

Also, you can "yawn" about it all you like, but I still think if a female SAHP had been staying home with two little ones over the awful winter we've just had, she'd be receiving a lot more sympathy than the DH is currently getting.

In fact, on every thread I've read from people complaining about how hard this winter has been with little children, they’ve received tons of sympathy and encouragement, and even people saying it's okay not to take your DC out in miserable weather for the umpteenth time.

He would be better getting a job and putting your children in nursery more just so they get some fresh air and a change of scene. I used to take mine out every day come rain or shine to wear them out.

I also don't take my toddler out every single day, they are very chilled and would never be climbing the walls, but I take them out every day we are both well (they go to nursery 3 x times a week) even if it's just to the supermarket. They love being out and about and learn more in that hour or two than I could ever teach them

I think he needs to go back to work at least part time (did he have a job at some point?) and you go part time or get a nanny or nursery or grandparents to help fill in the gaps.
I'm guessing you earn much more than he does, did you guys inherit money for the big house/garden, or did he have a career? I'm assuming you don't earn tons otherwise you would rent a work-space/office?

I don’t take my kids out every day when I’m in the thick of being an at home parent with young children. I would expect them to be taken out some times though- maybe agree with Dh you’ll stay upstairs between certain times and you’ll come downstairs for snacks at the best time to take them out 😁

But if he’s their carer surely he should be taking them out most days?

I'm a SAHM and I take the children out every day. Even just an hour to our local parks. I'd Look for groups/classes even local church groups that are free or a few pounds so that every day he had something to do for at least an hour. He might feel awkward about going because he's dad but so beneficial for everyone. Just book them in for him.

Oh, yawn. Not the same at all.

It’s on him to ensure they get some fresh air every day! Staying in all day is not good for anyone in this equation.

Oh dear god. Another family trying to make it work without routines.

Children respond very well to routines. Even 1 year olds. They love to join in.

Have a wake up time, getting dressed time, breakfast time, outside/inside activity time (toddler group, park, play centre), lunch time, preferably learning activity time (and it can be a game, like trying to use tongs to pick up pasta or painting), nap time, followed by definite phyisical activity time, walking/football/running around, followed by teatime, tv time, bathtime, bedtime.

Have you ever wondered how nursersies keep children engaged and on schedule throughout the day? It's called routines and children knowing and expecting what comes next.

(But they also have the advantage of a team of adults following the same routines.)

If mum or dad is not up to the job, they need to go out to work to pay for proper childcare,

Keep your children, busy, engaged and following routines. Make sure they have plenty of sleep and rest and physical activity. And you'll see the best of them.

Totally he should take them out. It’ll be good for him too. But definitely good for the children. They need the fresh air and exercise then they are much quieter indoors. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what you can do about it except know you are right! It’s very hard for you to not be around for your one year old. It’s the best age and they grow so so quickly. Does your husband like being the one in charge of childcare? It seems he’s being a bit passive aggressive as he must know you want him to take them out as he must know you are suffering.
sounds like there are other issues.

I haven't read the responses and I believe he should be taking them out for fresh air/exercise/change of scenery where possible, however I just wanted to chime in with this...

Re: tea on the days he doesn't take them out, keep a cheap kettle in your office with a few teabags and a cup, put some milk in a thermos or insulated bottle to keep it cool for the day. You can make tea in your office, easy peasy.

How about getting a kettle in your room so at least you can have a cup of tea without the littleones seeing you?
It would be very hard for your dh to keep two toddlers quiet all the time.
Could you spend lunch times with them so they don’t feel so cut off?

I always took my kids out every morning to activities or toddler groups at that age. Home for lunch which dh had with us. Afternoon was often nap time for the youngest and the middle one would play quietly or we would read stories. It got very noisy in my house when the oldest came home from school.

Your house is a home first and foremost. DH WFH longer than necessary after COVID lockdowns. I had a 1,3 and 8 year old at the time. It wasn't nice to feel I had to tiptoe around our home because he wanted it to be his office. I told him to go back to the office. However not raking kids out at that age is really quite detrimental to them long term. They need to go to activities, the park, soft play, toddler groups etc. 2 days a week at nursery isn't really enough stimulation for them and not fair on them to miss out so much development opportunities.

What job do you do?

Could you condense your hours and then finish early?

Part of the appeal of WFH for people is so they can spend more time with their kids.
I personally would hide in my office all morning and then spend your lunch break with your kids, before leaving to go back to the ‘office’.

They might cry at first but they will start getting used to it, just like if you did have an office job.

They don’t need to do activities every day but a walk or run around the park would be nice for them and I would encourage DH to do this.
Some activities also give him a bit of a break too!

Also invest in some headphones or put the radio on to try and drown out the noises downstairs.

I think you have to normalise being there but working,if dc see you making a drink and have a tantrum then dh as the child carer has to deal with that like any other tantrum, you can't be expected to be stuck in a room all day long!

On the flip side yabu in expecting him to take then out, you have to let him parent in his own way. Our local pubs allows you to work there for £10 and includes 5 coffees. There is a nearby business hub too that has WiFi and hot desks,maybe see if there is anything near you? Could you occasionally work from a friend or relatives?

Your dh's "job", and it is an important one, during the working day is raising the dc. That means putting their needs above his preference to stay at home.

They need mental stimulation, development opportunities, exercise and some sunlight every day with perhaps the occasional day at home with activities such as painting, playing in garden, learning to dress in preparation for being more independent at school etc! Going out could be anything from taking them to the park or even the supermarket, they are both learning experiences with the latter being a bonus to take pressure off you working full time. He should be thinking about their development and what they need.

I would be having a very frank conversation and would tell him I thought he was letting them down and perhaps the setup needed rethinking, he gets a job and they go to a more stimulating environment more often. Don't let it drag on and on so they spend years in this situation.

As for your WFH, the dc will get used to it if you consistently say bye and go to your workspace and dad can tell them when you will be back, perhaps use a groclock or something so they know when you are coming back either for lunch or when you finish work. Again it is your dh's jobs to find ways to manage their behaviour and expectations as that is the role he has agreed to.