Gynaecologist remark to DH

Woah - the lack of respect. complain 100%

I remember when I was suffering from anxiety while pregnant, because had a lot of stress going on with SS & upcoming family court case, and homelessness etc, and the GP telling a tearful me, "Oh, well my wife was the same as you, it's just hormones"

And the only midwife who was constantly rude, unfriendly and uncaring (the other midwives during 2 week stay in maternity were really lovely and helpful and caring and polite) after newborn had been diagnosed with jaundice and the other nurses explaining to me that the jaundice was giving him a yellow hue and being monitored for several days while still testing positive for jaundice, she asked me "Are you sure he still looks yellow? Is he not just yellow because he's half Japanese?"
I was shocked at the way she said it, and thought surely that's not PC?
I didn't want to complain about comments like that, but in your case, what your onecologist said was uncalled for and hurtful, so you have every right to complain.
HUGS xx

(Edited only because accidently posted whilst still in the middle of typing 😅)

that is grossly unprofessional and unacceptable. Please do make an official complaint. I’m Sorry about your experience.

Good God! That would have definitely provoked a very hard stare plus an extremely freezing, 'I beg your pardon?'

About 15 years ago I sat in on a post operative mastectomy consultant appointment for my mother in law, at that time around 80 yo. He checked all round the area and saw that she'd been left with a large, unattractive, uncomfortable skinfold remaining in her armpit (that caught in her bra and clothing) - his extremely insensitive comment was " I don't think we'll do anything with that, after all, no-one's ever going to look there" - we were both too dumbfounded to respond in the moment. There seemed to be no consideration for her discomfort or of her feelings, and she was ultimately left with an uncomfortable flap for the rest of her life. I always wished I'd pushed mum on it, but she just wanted to forget it so that's what we did. I'll always regret that though.

You both need to lodge a complaint! That was beyond unprofessional

I completely agree OP, I am 3.5 years into my cancer treatment (and still receiving ongoing treatment unfortunately) and my oncologist is the biggest twat ever. As are all of his male colleagues I have met, and the male surgeons! I was lucky enough to have an excellent female surgeon and she was training another junior surgeon at my 2nd and 3rd operations who was equally lovely. I fell out with my oncologist when they made a massive mistake in my care, and now I only communicate with him by email so that I have a record of everything he tells me. It’s a very well known issue in the NHS and the private sector.

Why wouldn’t he be..?

I have a whole mental list of misogynistic things said to me by male health care “professionals” over the decades, together with a list of the responses I wish I’d given at the time! I regret never making a formal complaint and would definitely do so now I’m older and wiser. When leaving the appointment I would calmly say “Oh one last thing - how do I go about making a complaint, or should I ask at reception?” just to make him feel uncomfortable, but I would go through with the complaint as well.

Report him to the GMC, he would certainly have a disciplinary for this, so unprofessional!

This is not OK, OP. You do -not- have to put up with that, or allow him to further insult another woman by not reporting it.

As women, we are gaslighted into thinking we are pathetic snowflakes for complaining.

It is OK, to not be OK with this.

Grab him by the b*lls, OP and see how he likes it!

Why not? Does your husband not support you at appointments? My husband comes to all of mine. He wants to be there to reassure and support me. I am glad that he's not body-shy.

Please go back.

My oh goodness! How can this not be deemed as anything, other than massively inappropriate and completely unprofessional.
I imagine it’s the last thing you feel like doing, lodging a complaint, this gynaecologist needs to know, that he can’t speak to patients like this, what makes it even worse it sounds like he’s been in this profession for decades!
I can’t imagine, you wouldn’t have been the first patient, he’s spoken to like this.If you can, make a complaint, quite possibly other complaints have been made, yours may make all the difference.

Please don't let the behaviour of these awful men stop you from getting checked out properly. Any new lump needs checking. If it does turn out to be something that needs treating its much better to get it sorted earlier. Please make an appointment ASAP.

Report the doctor to the hospital. Absolutely unacceptable.

I would report to Hosp. PALS I think have it escalated bloody cheek of the ‘man’

That is a beyond awful comment. As far as he knows, there could be all sorts of issues in anyone's marriage and a male gynaecologist humiliating a woman patent in that way is horrific - he needs dealing with.

Sorry I clicked the wrong one! Pure misogyny!

Why not? It’s mostly men that specialise in gynaecology unfortunately and that sets my teeth on edge because females are hard to get an appointment with. Why would you not want support given what OP has been through?

Weird question

I’m sorry this happened to you.

i have experienced an awful situation with a so called professional which has resulted in me not going back for a check up I probably need. I have a lump in my breast which is the size of a small egg. I got it checked out and it was fine. They said if I got anymore to go back straight away though as it might not be next time. I now have another two lumps and during covid a nurse referred me for a biopsy. I was told by a male oncologist that we (me and the nurse) were making it up and there was nothing there. I actually heard him say to his male student as he left the room something about ‘irrational women’ these lumps are now bigger but I havent gone back.

This was the one time I didn’t take DH with me because I thought I could ‘handle it’ but I think it made it worse. I can’t offer advice but I do wish I would have complained at the time xx

Your information is years out of date. The grade SHO was abolished in 2007. As was Senior Registrar.