Gynaecologist remark to DH

Make a formal written complaint signed by both of you.

I agree. Report it!

Really? Why shouldn’t he be if the OP wanted him there. She is recovering from cancer. What a crass and pointless remark 🙄

Not funny at all

I have London hospital reequest to access inforation from 2021 and person providing treatment was senior registrar.
It appeared in sevral pages.
You may want to inform yourself how NHS in some areas is behind what is actually best practice and how culture is slow to change.
It includes titles,way to treat patients,accessibility of certain aspects of care etc.
Again, yes peopel are greatful for medical help, but let's not pretend omissions are not made. Doctors are just humans and need feedback as everyone else.

BeaRF75, a rather crass comment, I think. Not everyone is like you. Many need the support of a loved one with them when going through a difficult consultation. I’m pleased that you don’t feel the need to have support, that you feel competent and independent enough to deal with potentially life changing information all by yourself; but I suggest you are in the minority. Most people, I think, given the choice and opportunity, would value having someone close to them with them on such an occasion, if only to take in more fully what is being said ( shock can mean some people only hear certain parts of what is being said). Not everyone is as independent and self assured during difficult situations as you obviously are, so you should respect that, not knock it.

I took my DH to an orthopaedic appointment recently as I am being listed for an operation after which I will need quite a bit of help for a couple of weeks. As my DH is the one who will do the ‘caring’ I thought he needed to be there so he knows what this would involve.

i also appreciated the support as I have been in agony with my shoulder recently and feel quite vulnerable.

Really? You honestly don't understand why a woman might want her life partner to be there at an important appointment after she's had a serious, possibly life-threatening gynaecological cancer? And more than that, you seem to think that a medic would presume that any woman who did drag her hapless bloke along was some sort of surrendered tradwife who would be grateful for any crumb of approbration her husband throws her way?

You know what? I have a PhD and would definitely want my partner with me in this sort of instance. It's called support. I also can't imagine him not wanting to be there. What sort of relationship do YOU have?

My mid 40s male relative was accompanied by his girlfriend and mother at several recent oncology appointments - he is independent and capable.

OldPerson The OP meant that the gynaecologist referred to in the title was male, 60 and also an oncologist (i.e. as well as a gynaecologist) as this was a post-cancer appointment. Not that the OP's DH was an oncologist.

I doubt you have the breadth of knowledge to understand misogeny in the NHS as a whole.

From my understanding, reading your posting a couple of times to try and understand context.

You and your oncology specialist husband were seeing an oncology specialist who is a colleague of your husband???

So husband and your oncologist are colleagues and friends and not strangers?

Maybe your husband and his department are rife with unacceptable comments, that your husband's colleague thought would be acceptable to you, as you're married to your husband.

But when you write "also an oncologist" is that referring to you or your husband? Who is "also" an oncologist to whom?

If it's your husband and speaking to an equal - just how did he respond? Because he really should have spoken up and known what's appropriate in a doctor-patient conversation.

On this occasion I have more sympathy with you, if you're the "also oncologist", because you're dealing with emotions, a clinical understanding, a husband in the room, a fellow professional - and I don't think there's enough bandwidth to deal with lecturing an idiot on professional conduct.

But out of you and your husband - whoever is the oncologist, you should write a letter of remonstration to the oncologist for professional conduct - which you know will be scanned onto your and his file. And take it from there.

Really .... wtaf....

Probably because OP wanted him there for moral support?

Eeps! Me too! 🫣

@meadowfinch I'm glad you had a positive experience, but I'm afraid the OP is right about a culture of sexism and misogyny within the NHS, not only in the behaviour of senior male medics towards female colleagues and their largely unchallenged sense of entitlement (https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/nov/21/culture-of-impunity-for-nhs-staff-accused-of-sexual-violence-say-campaigners), but also the attention paid to the healthcare needs of women.

It's only relatively recently that NHS guidance on symptoms of heart attacks was amended to acknowledge the symptoms experienced by women - prior to that we had to rely on determining whether we were experiencing a heart attack based on men's symptoms, which are very different.

Similarly, it was only recently acknowledged that females experience ADHD differently from males, with the result that predominantly males were picked up at school age and given approriate care and medication. A whole generation of girls missed out on this, and the consequences are devastating. I'm one of them, and not having a diagnosis as a child has negatively impacted my life in ways you can't imagine.

I also have ME. ME is a multisystem disease which impact studies have described as being worse than HIV, and that patients are more functionally impaired than people with cancer, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis and MS, yet so little effort is put into researching a biomarker to identify and cure the disease that the ¼ million+ sufferers in the UK are no nearer being helped than they were 25 years ago and are simply left to languish in bed, in pain. Why? Because the vadt majority of the sufferers are women. Not that long ago ME was officially called "hysteria". In spite of the WHO recognising it as a neurological condition, it was only in late 2022 that NICE, and therefore the NHS, stopped regarding it, and treating it as a psychological condition, and even now many GPs dismiss it as being all in the mind.

Things are improving, but very, very slowly, and the NHS has a long way to go before we have gender equality in healthcare in the UK.

What a question!

Totally agree with this comment.

Just goes to show that twits come in all shapes and sizes and in this case, medical professions.

VesperLind · Yesterday 14:21
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Why was your husband with you in the consultation?”

My husband was with me when I was told I had cancer. Is that alright with you, @VesperLind ?

What a cretin he is. Bet his wife’s left him and he’s a bitter, twisted messed up, delusional husk of a man! If not, just give it time….

thanks, I’m alive and that’s what matters, but we really do need to make complaints. I think we are sort of conditioned to not complain about the NHS as if by doing so we are undermining the whole organisation. But I was told to complain by the wonderful staff at my hospital, they say they are fed up of it
too and they need patients to stand up and be counted in order to force change in the ranks. I hope you’re ok and your MRI goes well 💐

I’m sure many will say it’s harmless

Count me out of being one of the "many".

His comment was incredibly rude and unprofessional.
I'd definitely have a word with someone and let them know his bedside manner needs a bit of updating.

PLEASE go back @Steppingintome you matter more than the opinion of one Arsehole.

Please put in a complaint @Gyneapologist. I have a case currently with the NHS where a male oncologist decided to ignore my cancer in an MDT meeting because ‘oh this MRI took ages, it’s just cos she’s fat’ and then left it to grow for 2 more years until I by chance requested the scans for another reason. I’ve since lost my leg at the hip and am waiting for the outcome of chemo and radiation. It’s not good enough.