Gynaecologist remark to DH

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter I guess my colleagues may have been a more misogynist bunch than yours!

Why shouldn’t he be?

@theDudesmummy In a lifetime of NHS involvement, I never have. It’s not the usual language of a much older middle class professional.

I should have said that I wasn't offended. I was happily married but I didn't have a problem with him asking the question to make sure I knew the consequences of my decision.

I don't think this is quite so bad. When I had an endometrial ablation which would mean I couldn't have a child the gynaecologist asked me what I would do if I 'met the man of my dreams' before I made the final decision.

Absolutely awful. I'm glad your husband was there to witness this, as most people would never believe a medic could be so abusive.

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter oh I can believe that. Being an oncologist and being senior doesn't prevent this type of man from being a tasteless misogynistic prick, it would not prevent him from trying to do a little extra misogynist "male bonding" by calling someone he doesn't know "mate". I've seen plenty of it.

This terrible, you should report to the GMC (he won't actually get suspended or anything, but it is good for them to know about pricks like this anyway, it adds to a picture to help foster change in the profession, and other complaints may also be made about him).

The discussion about training grades: officially the terms SHO, SR etc aren't used any more but in practice they really are! "Senior Registrar/SR" hasn't been an official title in the NHS for years (they became Specialist Registrars/SpRs and now are ST4 to ST6), but I never got out of the habit of calling my trainee an "SR"!

What a strange question!?

OP, this is outrageous - how dare they. How could this be funny, especially in your situation

I'm so sorry you experienced this OP, and to everyone else who's experienced these demeaning, misogynistic and callous attitudes and actions by certain medical professionals (and in many cases the serious adverse health outcomes that are a direct result of this endemic failure to take women's pain seriously). It made me think of what I felt when I read Adam Kay's book "This is going to Hurt". I was relieved / gratified in a way to come on MN and find many people had felt exactly the same way I had when reading it, as the book seemed to be getting universal praise in the press. I found his attitude to his patients (who were obviously all women given he was a gynae and obstetrics doctor) to be sneering, and belittling - clearly he thought the vast majority of his patients were fairly stupid (certainly not as clever as him) and his attitude often extended to the nurses too (who I imagine were a majority female). I can only imagine how distressing it must be to be in pain, very worried, and find that the people who are supposed to care for you at this time are so lacking in care and view you in such a belittling way.

Good luck with your health OP and with your complaint - I hope PALS takes it with the seriousness that it deserves.

So an almost retirement age oncologist called your husband'mate'? Really? Sure.

No I wasn't there. Ex was incredulous of the doctors audacity when he told me!

Fucking hell! Were you with him when the dr said it?

To make a remark like this they either think they are hilariously funny or they just don't care. In this case it's probably 'all boys together, innit'? so he thought it was acceptable to say this.

Probably also the 'God complex' that many of them suffer from. Patients are just the little people to some of them.

When my ex went for a vasectomy the doctor asked him if he was sure because "he might meet Claudia Schiffer".

Extraordinary.

Well that's a long story

Why shouldn't he

You should've asked him how many wives he'd gotten through then. With that mentality he certainly is not the right person to be in obstetrics - nor in oncologie.

Why would you have to ask this question. Report him stop this happening to someone else. It’s a disgrace.

Possibly something to do with the inherent entitlement of the white middle aged middle class man

How does race come into it?

What an absolutely random take. I have a neurological condition and have regular hospital appointments. For the past 20+ years my husband has been to every single appointment with me (thankfully no one has mentioned trading me in, but that's by the by). @Gyneapologist I would definitely make a complaint. We shouldn't have to keep putting up with this shit. I hope you're on the road to recovery. Take care xx

Every organisation is full of stale, pale males at the top, it's not just the NHS

When pregnant with my first at 35 I had a neuchal gap screening. Male Gynaecologist told my husband also present that I had the same reading as a 19 year old mother might get. To which he added, so she’s like a teenager inside if not out, with a creepy nudge nudge type grin. God I was mortified and so was Dh. What a plonker. This was over 20 years ago but I still remember it and cringe. I feel for you Op. It’s really really demeaning and unsettling.

Yes totally agree. What a twattish remark.